Genuine Critical Feedback : Forum : Hello

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12 Years Ago

I am kind of surprised that no one has posted anything yet, after-all, this is meant for posting writing, unless I'm just unobservant and missed it somewhere, I am new to this... so I guess I'll break the ice either way.  If you read this, you should reply, even better, reply with a poem!  
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Re: Hello

11 Years Ago

hi there, uh sure...just wrote this.

Oh holy deceiver,
is it appropriate sometimes?

To blindly lead her,
when I can't even trust her
is irresponsible when combined.

I am but a man,
and hardly that.
At least I think so sometimes...

Even though
it can be hard,
this rock is too,
in my chest,
it beats for you.

Every time I've tried lately
to stay up for the sun,
I found nostalgia in the darkness,
and off to bed I run.

The cold sweats carry me away
from another day,
because I know its not the same.
Though I heard that can be ok.

I didn't mind when you
left me hanging.
A cold silhouette glowing,
on the wall.

No, what really got me was your tone
and all those things I didn't know,
until now.

Hanging a blind man,
dangled for the masses.

But you wouldn't hit a man,
with his brand new pair of glasses.