The Wood Beyond The World Forum For Tealeaf James, Posted work..

I have started this thread for Tealeaf James, to discuss his posting outside or in addition to the reviews.

Nick

James,

Glad you found my review helpful. Your style is smooth and the pacing if fairly good. Any grammar issues I more than likely overlooked as I was into the story that much.

As to Passive voice vs Active voice storytelling. I am coming to believe that it is an individual choice of both the reader, and the writer. If the writer can get away with using active voice to tell the story wonderfully and the readers get caught up in it, then who is to say that it did not work? But if the reader, who is the ultimate judge and jury of any literary works, finds it troubling, then I think it worth taking a second look at.

I don't think anything outside of 1st person can ever not have Passive voice somewhere in the works. At least nothing that I have read. But I do believe that passive voice should only be felt/seen, where needed, when needed, and to help move the story along, such as transitions in time, place, or scene shifts. But that is just my humble opinion and may be more a matter of my personal taste in reading than the working mechanic's.

I do believe that POV and Active voice storytelling go hand in hand, and Passive voice storytelling takes the reader out of the characters head, thoughts, etc. Therefore, in my writing, what I am trying to achieve is that when in POV, stay in POV, stay Active. During scene shifts, chapter set ups, transitions, or a few other gray area's, to sneak the passive narrator in and hope the readers enjoy.

Leah and Bill have other thoughts on POV and Active voice and you may want to hear their take. Scribble is also very good at spotting for me those area's in my work where I tell instead of show. Hopefully she will add to the discussion as well.

Not sure this helps anymore than what your already doing...but additional opinions are food for thought.

Nick.

That may well be my greatest fault. I like to tell until the very end and then show it all in a single instance (both in writing and otherwise, yes I'm aware it doesn't work, and yes I'm trying to fix that problem). Also sorry for not being very active, my work schedule is very tough right now I hope to be able to get some reviews in as well as pieces worked on soon. Thank you everyone.

Had something of an announcement to make about my works so I figured I'd set it here. With my lere peice (which you might notice I pulled) I'll be posting what I have on it every friday night/saturday morning (seperating it into chapter posts once I get far enough). I'll be doing this both to keep a copy out of my hands (incase there's a problem) and so that I can get a somewhat constant opinion on it. I'd rather get told something isn't working in chapter one than use it for five, six chapters and then learn it doesn't works. I do ask you post anything besides a chapter/section review here instead of in the piece. Thanks everyone I hope to be reviewing your works as well soon.

James,

Just finished the first of the lere posting and I feel I have cheated you. Nothing to point out that really jumped out at me.

Your style, short paragraphs that are to the point, the smooth flow of the sentences and your grammar choice really made reading this piece enjoyable for me. At no point did I feel that the narrative telling of this story to be overly passive. And that has to do with the style of the telling I noted above, I think.

Wonderfully done, you get two bravo's...
Nick.

thanks for the review. and yes it is my opinion that writing should be both simple and detailed, and therefore it is my goal to cut out as much of the clutter as possible (though I do fail at times.) I am glad you liked it though I do think I strayed from the voice I was aiming for at times just can't quite seem to figure out where lol.