The Wood Beyond The World Forum Loekie's work

Thread for discussion of Loekie's submissions.

Looking very forward to reading this, hopefully tonight and then will post comments. Glad to see Loekie posting.

Nick.

As they say, better late than never. ::suprised::

Loekie,

For me this is very different. I am trying to remember back to high school or college and having read something like this, but not like this...if that makes sense.

As to the work, even without your writers comments, I had no trouble following that this story is meant to be told from the aspects of a lone storyteller relating this piece verbally to a group of listeners, and not to us the readers. We are just privilage to be ease dropping, or a part of those listening to the elegy.

There were parts that seemed to be repetitious, but then I had to think about it as the spoken style vs the writen word, and I did not have that big of an issue with it because its a matter of style. It may not appeal to die hard Active voice readers, but even that too me, was not a big deal, because I did not feel it to be passive neither. Perhaps limited active voice? If that makes sense?

Nicely done and I do plan on getting to the next part because this does interest me. As a collection of short storires, all told from different POV's, but with a central theme...I don't think you have a problem with that.

The only thing I would ask is this a novella or are you shooting for more of a novel length work? I think it works best as a novella, but that just a personal opinion.

Nick.

Loekie,

Just finished the next installment. And like the first, I found the story flowed smoothly and the style to be very enjoyable.

I had a few more issues or thoughts than the first one, as I noted in the review, but I am not sure they are anything more than a matter of the readers taste, vs the writers style.

Well done...
Nick.

First of all, thanks for the reviews. Even though you pointed out a couple of things I got from readers here in Montreal, hearing it from an unbiased reader gives more strength to the points.

First, my plan is to have one or two volumes of elegies. Save the first and last ones, the goal is to have each to be standalone and from different parts of Gwefldn's life. And some stories will overlap so you will get to see the same situation but from different points of view. I have 4 completed elegies with a few more in the works, plus ideas for another 3.

Onto The Sacrifice. Your point about a slow beginning has been mentioned many times. And the POV shift. That is the one part of the story I need some advice on. I want to set the mood and show Tryffin as a sad, broken man before he starts his elegy. At the same, I wanted to show Taliesin trying to "coerce" him to come up and finally get rid of his burden so his and Bilewit's comments resonate stronger at the end. I think once I tighten the beginning and revamp the Zaragash flashback, I am going to start submitting the piece to magazines.

As to my words, in all the Re (my world) stories, the words are Celtic or Anglo-Saxon based. Be it Tangled Threads or the Elegy series, I will provide a comprehensive glossary and pronunciation guide. Actually I hope to have that on my website as of next week so I can provide a link so people can cross-reference.

That's it for now. Again thanks for your time and feedback. It is greatly appreciated.

Now it is time to unwind. This week has been hell with our public transit on strike and trying to get to work. One more day before I get two days off. Maybe I will be able to get the first elegy, Stone of Blood on line.

Loekie,

I think this works well with Magazine submissions, and could lead to a monthly series, or quarterly series. Very good idea.

On sacrifice, I think it only needs a little tightening up, nothing drastice, just enough for clairty and pacing. Like I said, one you got into the story telling itself, everything else was pretty smooth.

Can't wait for the next installment.
Nick.

I am working on it. I have actually put up some links for all my reference material, like glossary, etc. You'll find it under my stories or click