The Wood Beyond The World Forum Narration through dialogue

Not sure what you mean narration through dialogue.   Not sure that can happen because dialogue comes from a known POV.  I will have to check the piece and see what is being referred to before commenting deeper.   The last of the advice about slowing down and letting the story develope is alway good advice when the writer is skipping through scenes in a narrative manner, but in dialogue, I am not sure.  I will get back to you.

Nick.

thanks Nick.. I think there were two sections.. page 3 and again at the Harding Farm

Kathy B

Kathy,

I looked over chapter one and decided to answer your previous questions here instead of a review.  Reason, there are different views within this group on narration, and perhaps others will chime in as well.

I see you have written in 1st person.  Always a hard POV for me, because it is limiting in my opinion.   But being that you use 1st person as the form of storytelling, I did feel that you are rushing the story in places.  At times I felt like you were sitting next to me an telling this story instead of me reading about it and experiencing it though the eyes and senses of the main protagonist.  I think the advice of slowing down is a good piece of advice.  Expand on what your POV is experiencing, show us their internal thoughts, what they not only see, but feel,  smell, sense of the world around them.  This can only enhance the story by pulling the reader in.

As to narrative dialogue, you have a few places where your POV is telling us what someone said.  My advice, don't tell us what was said, show us in your writing that someone is screaming, someone calling out for help, crying, etc.   All of this must come from what your POV is hearing instead of what they are reporting.  

Was it a major distrubance in the read?  Well it went along with the fact that your POV is telling the story when what you want is for the POV to show us the story in Active Voice instead of Passive voice.  This might work well in a short story in a magazine, but for a novel length piece of fiction, you want to stay out of narration as much as possible.  Active voice allows the readers to connect with the character, even if the character is the narrator.   I am not sure its possible to get rid of all narrative exposition in a piece, but limiting its exposure helps the reader feel connected to the characters.

I hope this makes sense.  Bill and Leah have strong views on narration as well, and it works for their style of writing, so you might want to hear what others have to say.  Also, Loekie and Zuri are very strong at spotting POV issues.

Keep plugging away though, because I did find myself interested in the story even though it was fairly narrative.

Nick.

Thanks Nick for the review and the comments on narration through dialogue.

You are right, 1st person is a difficult  POV to work with. However, I will be using 3rd person for the other characters..  I was of the opinion that the story I have in mind  could best be told  from both POV..  Maggie is, or was, a reporter..  and who best to tell the story of what takes place at the Harding farm than a reporter as opposed to those in the thick of things.

She will be taking a back seat to the other main character.. Emma.. . But not to the point of no longer being an active participant in what goes on.

I did consider using 3rd person for Maggie as well but some how she kept insisting on speaking in first person.. And who am I to argue with a main character like Maggie?

Cheers and thanks again

Kathy B

Hi Kathy

I've had a look at your work and I'm not sure what you mean by narration through dialogue. I can say that it does feel like your viewpoint character is telling us a story that is detached from herself rather than bringing us in to what she is experiening. I think that this may be a 1st person issue rather than a dialogue thing.

It may be useful for you to comb through your work and consider ways in which to involve the reader in the mind of your character. One suggestion that may be helpful is to have the character 'think' to the reader, not talk.

For example, instead of:-

Pop…pop…pop.. I came out of a half-doze with a start... I listened for a moment to the familiar sound of M-16s in the distance, and then leaned back in my chair, glad of the comfort of the shotgun resting across my knees.

You could have:-

Pop...pop...pop... I jolted awake. What the hell was that? The familiar sound of M-16s in the distance took a moment to register. Softening my grip on the shotgun resting across my knees, I relaxed back in my chair. Geez, I'm getting too sensitive to even doze in peace.

Obviously you can capture the true style and voice of your character, but by mixing her thoughts, feelings and actions you are giving us a more rounded 1st person experience as well as taking us through the story. As Nick said, Bill and Leah are quite hot on POV and can give you better advice, but it may also help to clarify what you mean by narration through dialogue.

Best of luck.