The fallen Forum Blog 3

I really didn't mean to write this one... but I know no other medium to lighten my feelings. 

I was listening to this Japanese song I love so much.. with the translation of course.. and I decided to put one line in my status, "I wish good things for you". Minutes later my workmate put up hers, "YOU NEED IT.. YOU BADLY NEED A LIFE.. YOU LOOK AWFUL.. YOU CANT EVEN FIND A REAL FRIEND COZ YOU'RE NOT A REAL PERSON EITHER..OROCAN" . in caps. (Orocan is a brand of plastic, and plastic in our country figuratively means 'pretentious'). 

It got on my nerves.. and I was trembling for like half an hour.. even until now. I suddenly feel like s**t, but I know I am and so were the others. But I don't know, I was literally insulted before but I managed to laugh at it because I saw the positive side of it. But now, it's my first time being insulted this way and I was caught off-guard.

Yes, my life's awful and full of s**t. Who does not have one? No one's living like a princess in this s**t world, even rich people have their own monsters too. But literally pointing at how miserable I am was just too much.  I remember her saying that at the end of the day I will realize how miserable my life is. 

What a bull!!!! The day doesn't need to end for me to realize how miserable I am. I KNOW IT ALREADY FOR GODDAMN'S SAKE!!!! And telling me that does not help! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?? Does seeing someone so down lifts you up? Cut the I'm-just-concerned crap because it's an obsolete excuse.  I know I'm miserable and awful, but can't you f*****g see I'm trying to cope here? I'm trying to live this s**t life given to me. 

If your f****n' brain can't stop criticizing, then keep it to yourself b***h!!! You people aren't helping me at all! I know I need help, I can't survive alone, but I don't need anything from people like you. Me? Pretentious? Which part of I-accepted-my-fate-and-I'll-live-with-it-the-way-I-want-to you didn't understand? It's my life for goddamn's sake! 

And if pointing at other people's misery lifts you up, then you're the one who is miserable! C'mon,..! You've all been there and I know you people knew how tormenting it is to lift  burdens 10x heavier than you...! Why don't you just mind your own business or disappear in your own world? 

It's my first time writing like this, because it's actually the first time I was insulted like this. It's worse than my mother leaving me behind or my brother abusing me. Everything's so fucked up, and some people still want to f**k it more! People like you are making me wish I was never born, but I wish you people were not born more. C'mon... what the hell..just WHAT THE HELL!!!!

Stop giving me reasons to look down on my self for heaven's sake! I know I'm not doing everything right, but what the hell do you expect from me???? 

It hurts. It badly hurts. Just leave me alone.. DAMN IT!!!