The fallen Forum Misery Doesn't Always Love Com..

So I feel awful right now and I have no one to turn to so I was thinking, hey, the Fallen is a group specifically for this sort of thing, aye, maybe they'd want to listen. I'm not sure what I'm looking for with this post, I just need to rant and open up…..so okay for the past two weeks my pet rabbit that I'd had for a good eight years now had been very sick. We took her to the vet and got some medicine, but she wasn't responding to it at all and she wasn't eating or drinking hardly anything. And this morning, I knew. It felt sort of like an epiphany, as I was filling her food bowl, I knew that this was going to be the last time. And although these epiphanies of mine are never wrong, I didn't want to believe it, so I pushed it aside and went on feeding her and trying to get her to drink some water, cleaning her up, etc. Then I went to school and I tried to enjoy school. You know, Friday, the SOLs just ended, good day. But I had this numbness in me, it's hard to explain, but like when I get depressed and everything just goes numb and feels empty. Except it was different. And I kept worrying about my bunny. By the time I was walking home, my imagination had taken over. I knew. I just knew. But I composed myself and I went upstairs to check on her when I got home….. And I was right. I don't want to go into details here; I already have the image burned into my brain. I called my dad, he rushed home, comforted me, and took care of the business that needed to be taken care of. I felt empty, my head ached from crying; I shoved my nose in a book and blocked everything out. I finally got to a point where I could return to reality without crying. When I mourn, as I've done my whole life, I shut down. Crying only makes things worse for me. Hugging people, being around others makes me cry. I'm not very social at times like this. I let myself into the depression, because that's a numbness, a vacuum. No feeling. No thinking. It's easy. Then my dad came over, hugged me, and asked how I was feeling. I said "Distracted." When he asked why I told him, "Because I'm reading my book." He told me to put the book away, so I wouldn't be distracted. I said no. He got upset, and started yelling at me. Saying that he's going through and taking care of everything for me and that I have no concern for him or how he's feeling. When my mom called, I cried, but when he hugged me just then I just sat and he's trying to comfort me and maybe he needs to be comforted too a little and that I shouldn't go and say that he's distracting me from a book when he's trying to give me a hug. I tried to explain what I meant when I said I was distracted because I'm reading a book, but he wouldn't listen. He just told me I need to stop putting walls up whenever something bad happens because "that's not how life works". Then he asked f I still wanted to go to the Boxing class we were going to attend tonight. I said yes, because I know that martial arts is something that helps me in these situations. It helped all through my parents' divorce, the suicides of many of my friends, everything. In fact, when I stopped doing martial arts in middle school is when my depression peaked, and since I've sorta started back up with it in the past few months, things have gotten much better for me, emotionally. So I wanted to go. He said no, that he didn't feel it up to it. Then he left, slamming his bag on the ground, stomping up the stairs….. And yeah,,, that's pretty much it. Paired with the rants and insults my dad's been giving me te past couple of days about how I'm the "stupidest and most inconsiderate child on the planet," I don't exactly feel like going to him for comfort right now anyway, to be honest. But I know he loved her, too, and that this is painful for the both of us…

Oh jeez, sorry that's so long... it didn't seem so long when i was typing it XP

I'm so sorry to hear that. . .
I'm not really sure what to say about this.
I just know that talking things out usually helps. I hope things get better for you.

wow sorry to hear that hun but things WILL get better i know it hunny. bleep always happen for better or for worse. 

You should cry, just let out how you feel. Go to your dad and maybe do something for him? Make him feel special, like a card. Maybe then have a heart to heart about the martial arts and how you feel (or in the card if he wont listen). Depression is hard, you can get out if you want to but you need someone to believe in. Your dad is hurting so why not show to him that your there for him? You can help each other just fight the feeling to withdraw. It's hard but I think you will feel better in the end. You will feel strong together, I promise. Best of luck *hugs* sorry for your loss. <3

No matter what happens, everyone whose suffered in life should hold their heads up high and say 'Ill get through this.'