The fallen Forum I can't take this...

No respect? I could show you what no respect is. I could turn around right now and just walk out of the house and go to parties and drink like everyone ealse does, and their parents don't care. I try my best to be good and not mess anything up and just be a little angel all the time but no. of course, its my fault that I don't think, isn't it. I don't help enough. I only do things when im told. because I don't think. im an idiot.  One thing I did wrong. one thing. I ran away. I packed my bags in the middle of the night and spent the night somewhere ealse. Broke your heart? emotional blackmail? my heart broke when I heard your voice on the other end of the phone upset and crying! I regrated everything as soon as I picked up the phone. IT WASNT MENT TO UPSET YOU, I THOUGHT YOUD BE ANGRY AND SCREAMING AND AS SOON AS I WALKED OUT THAT DOOR I WAS WILLING TO FACE THE CONSIQUENSES! I was not upsetting you to get my own way don't you dare tell me that's what I was doing. I knew I was pretty much making myself homeless. I knew it would be hard. but I couldn't stand crying anymore. I couldn't stand feeling like a burden to everyone around me.  I came home willingly. I didn't argue. I didn't scream and yell. I hugged you, said I was sorry about ten times. went back to get my stuff and I came home. you had a good long talk to me about how this is my home and when ive gotten a job and am ready to move out youll help me. you painted a picture of all of us putting everything aside and working things out. you didn't take anything away from me. you didn't ground me. ive been working hard and I've passed all my final assessments and tests, ive gotten my cert IIs in IDMT and visual arts, I've put in resumes and cover letters for three jobs in the past week. I didn't want to ask to go to the schools Christmas fair thing yesterday but you asked me if I had plans and said you didn't want me to be sitting in the house bored cos I might go 'stuff this im leaving again' (what the f**k?) so I went and then today I asked if I could go hang out with my boyfriend and you said 'why are you asking me? you do what you want regardless of what I say'. well id let myself be miserable for a week straight about what happened last week im gonna go have some fun, I said id be at home at four and you said twelve, i can spend some time with my brothers. fair enough, im gonna come home at twelve n do some fun Christmas activities n stuff. yep. comes home and gets yelled at cos i didn't ask kem what jobs hes been putting in for or anything and yelled at that you hate him. and that i should have higher expectations and that you don't even want to go to grad. which brings us to something ealse. Kem. i know hes been out of school nearly a year and dosnt have a job. but so what? i know hes trying. he wants to get out of home nearly as much as i do. why cant you just leave him alone? hes a good person. money dosnt mean anything to me and you know that i love him because i know hes a good person he can do or say what he likes to get people to think otherwise but i can see it. isn't that a good thing? that im in love with someone i know loves and respects me? that i know would tell me if his feelings changed rather than toy with me? no, i don't think hes the centre of my universe, a dissolving universe can never have a centre. but he is the first person that's stopped and thought to help me keep it together. i didn't choose him over you. that's not this is about. i ran away last week because im sick of being a disappointment. im staying with him because everyone deserves a chance even tho ive given you way too many and i don't as him what jobs hes putting in for n telling him this and that that's being advertised because i don't like getting in peoples faces and stickybeaking into peoples business and being judgemental like SOMEONE. don't you dare tell me i have no respect. i shut all me problems into an itty bitty little closet and try holding the door closed so it all dosnt pour out while you add yours to the pile. i don't want to hear about how your sisters a b***h or about the latest family fued. im too buisey fighting with myself thank you very much. sorry "mother" but im saving up and leaving properly as soon as i can. and you can turn around and be a nice sweet perfect mother to make me feel bad for being angry and crying over it how ever many more times you can fit in before then because i don't care any more. i just cant feel guilty while thinking of what you put me through. just call it even or whatever i don't care anymore. im sorry fallen members but i just had to write it and i cant find spare paper right now. i cant let it boil up inside, no one should its a bad idea.

... holey cow thats a lot of writing... ignore it...

i want to brake someones arm now any volantears im angry

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