Want Some Reviews? Forum review

Hello, I have just joined up can anyone review what I have so far please?

Sure! I'll review! Although I'm not as experienced as a writer, I will let you know my thoughts as the audience. If you don't mind, could you perhaps take a few minutes and review my piece? It's quite short and raw. I just want to see more closely how much improvement I need. Thanks so much!

Hi there, I'd be happy to review your work. If you'd like more info on my reviewing, please read the post I made here:
Let me know if you're interested.