One Year Later

A Story by Alana Zombie

not my best work, but i feel i didn't do too badly with the change of perception. all in all, this is an alright story with a hot kissing scene :P

It was windy; an eerie wind that crept around the corners of buildings, over the treetops, and through the spine of Cass as she sat on the crumbling church steps. They were wintry, almost made of ice, and covered in the rubble of the hundred years it had been standing, solemnly in the backend of an old war-time neighbourhood. Cass didn’t live anywhere near this neighbourhood, though- she was merely waiting for someone who did, and began to regret it as the chills in her shoulder blades heightened her numbness. Not even pulling the collar of her denim jacket around her neck could keep her warm, nor curling her sleeves around her fingers; mum had told her, back when they used to talk, that curling your sleeves around your fingers on a cold day will warm you up, for if the tips of your fingers were warm, it would warm your entire body. Cass realized that theory was nothing but an urban legend used to physiologically convince one to believe they were actually warming. Cass was too clever for that now.

A crinkled, orange leaf floated by before Cass’s feet, tossing gracefully in the wind, and it reminded her of Megan. Cass had always had this impression of Megan that compared her to a floating, elegant, beautiful… being. Maybe a bubble, or a leaf. She wasn’t sure, and wasn’t into the whole “romance” scene. She didn’t care for thinking of love and bubbles and elegance and beauty, nor did she like thinking of Megan. Megan was what brought her on a twenty minute walk in the wind to this old, desolate church, and what gave her the will to sit steadily on the icy steps, waiting for what had to be at least ten minutes now. This was a half hour of her life that could have been dedicated to friends, family, fun or more realistically, the first thirty minutes of The Godfather.

Cass could now see Megan’s figure walking up a side street that was only a block away from the church. Her heart began to beat faster, although she could barely notice over the chattering of her teeth; was this due to fear, or the weather? Nervousness, or the wind that gusted down her neck and back? Her eyes began to crawl around, like hungry ants, scoping out a crumb. Megan looked as if she were a crumb in the distance, and she was beautiful.

As Megan approached, her lively, blonde hair blowing in the afternoon wind, Cass began to regain her sanity, and her body settled. Her teeth no longer chattered, and her mind no longer ached; she was calm, and could do nothing but stare at the goddess like Megan. For some outlandish reason, Cass always worked herself up for nothing when it came to meeting up with Megan, like she had once upon a time, back in the days of the previous year. Her and Megan had been close, but not close enough. Cass would always feel as if she were going to combust by the sight of Megan, but when it came down to actually seeing the blonde bombshell and spending time with her, that feeling was nothing but a spec of dust in side a giants eye… an insignificant problem that went by, unnoticed, and unnecessary.

“Cassandra!” Megan shouted as she approached the church, running toward the girl who remained sitting. Cass tried hard to hold back her teeth bearing smile, for the sake of testing herself, and she failed; she could feel the strain in her cheeks as her mouth opened wide and she grinned widely. She stood up, feeling a lot colder, yet a lot warmer. It was comforting to see Megan smiling too, and as the blonde came in for a hug as she trotted quickly up the church steps, Cass began to panic.

Do I give her a ‘just friends’ hug? she thought. Or do I give her a… her thoughts stopped as she found herself holding Megan tightly, gripping her waist as if she hadn’t seen in her forever. The warmth coming off from Megan was intense, locking Cass’ arms up, causing her smile to shrivel into a grin of success. She felt as if she had won Megan over, in an odd way, and wasn’t sure whether that was a good or bad thing just yet.

“Cass!” Megan hollered, her voice weak and her eyes teary, “I missed you, I missed you, I…”

“I missed you too.”

Finally, Cass found the will to let go, relieving herself of the sporadic uneven thoughts that flew through her mind. It wasn’t that she loved Megan, but she was infatuated by the fact of having another shot with her. Megan seemed content enough, but she was clearly hiding an urging emotion, like a tiger in a cage. Cass loved the thought of that, but quickly tuned herself into Megan as she began to talk.

“It’s been too long,” Megan sighed as she looked up at Cass from the step beneath, her giant, brown eyes glowing. Cass nodded and sat back down, motioning for her long time friend to join. Megan sat beside her, the outside of her thigh touching Cass’. Cass looked out at the neighbourhood, at all the identical, small, white sided houses, and the old, faded streets.

“I know, it has been,” Cass replied finally, breathing out heavily, watching her breath in the wind, “and I just can’t get over how much you’ve missed.”

“Well you sure do look different. Your hair is so short now, and it’s not black anymore,” Megan giggled obnoxiously, but Cass thought it was cute. She remembered about a year prior, back when she was in her “Goth” phase. It was a asinine phase, but despite how obscene she looked, beloved Megan didn’t care. Megan had always been very feminine looking, unlike Cass, who was tall and broad and lanky. It was sickening, to Cass, how all she could think about was Megan.

“What have I missed though, Cass? I feel like… like I’ve been removed out of a giant chunk of your life!”

“Well, you missed Oscar dieing. You missed the day I decided to stop wearing that stupid eyeliner, and the week I went without eating meat. I couldn’t go any longer than a week, haha,” Cass explained, running her finger along her knee. It was a nervous habit, although she wasn’t aware of her nervousness.

“Yeah, I’ll never forget that one day you ate twelve hot dogs at Camp Carter.”

“Weren’t we twelve?”

“Yes, haha. We were. That was the summer we met, I think,” Megan sighed happily, as if she were thinking something deeper than what she had said. Her breath formed a cloud in the wind, and blew away. She must have been cold, in that small brown coat of hers. Cass wanted to offer her jacket, but figured that was moving too hastily. She wanted to offer it so badly.

“You missed a lot with me, too,” Megan continued, a spark of sincerity in her voice. Megan’s jolly tone seemed to seek out an emotion in Cass that she knew she just didn’t have. Cass may have felt a lot of different feelings, but never was she ever too happy. She didn’t giggle and talk like little school girls, even when she was a little school girl. Cass was grown up now, eighteen, at that, and although she felt as if Megan acted immature, she loved the youth that poured out of her.

“I’m sorry if I seem a bit… dumb. Sorry if it doesn’t look like I’m listening; I am,” Cass said quickly as she shook herself back to reality. Her thoughts always seemed to overpower her actions, which may have been what drew Megan away from her the first time.

“I didn’t notice.”

“Well, I want to know how you’ve been, and like, what’s been going on,” Cass said as she tucked her knees to her chest and rested her head.

“Things have been going great for me, I swear, I couldn’t be better. I’ve lost a lot of weight, I have a…”

“Lost a lot of weight? You were never big,” Cass interrupted, not realizing. Megan chuckled a bit, twisting her straight, blonde locks in her finger.

“But I was! I was 140!”

“Megan,” Cass laughed under her breathe, “I’m 143.”

The sound of the gusting wind was the only sound for miles, until the two burst into a friendly laughter, warming each other with the visible breaths that came from their mouths. The sky may have been gray, the wind may have been strong, but Cass was warmed by a taste of Megan; hot, glowing, lovely Megan. She wanted her. She needed her. Megan was kind and fun, sweet and girly, witty and smart… everything Cass wasn’t, but wanted to be. Megan was perfect in her eyes; but she didn’t love her, not yet.

The two walked down Parker Street, the side street which lead out of the old neighbourhood and into the town. They had been walking and talking for at least ten minutes, avoiding the brisk afternoon with the sounds of their voices and the calm of their tones. Soon enough, they found themselves in a small café, sipping green tea and laughing about old memories from summer camp, and from when they dated, a year prior. Though it sounds cliché and outdated, it wasn’t; the connection between them wasn’t a good, solid cry you could find while watching the Notebook in your basement on a rainy Monday evening, nor the fire you could find in a sexy scene from an erotic novel. This wasn’t a “I love her so much, I could cry” kind of connection, it was much deeper. This was the smell of evergreen and a salt water sea; this was silver droplets of rain rolling down the car window on a Sunday drive. This was a hot cup of coffee and a warm blanket in the morning, and a flaming sunset over a pink velvet lake. All in all, what Cass felt for Megan was a spontaneous, beautiful feeling that only comes when you’re least expecting it, wanting it, or knowing of it’s existence. This was nothing you could watch or read or even live to tell about, and Cass was ready to admit to herself that she loved Megan. She always had, since that day at summer camp when she fell into the lake without her lifejacket, and Megan jumped in, dragging her onto the beach, and practically saving her life. Megan was probably the most important person in Cass’ life; her parents had abandoned her, her friends were beginning to leave, and her favourite dog had passed a few months earlier. Megan was it. This was it.

“…So I dropped the bag and ran like a mother-f****r!” Megan laughed as she finished a story, accompanied by Cass’ charming cackle as they stood outside the cafe.

“Listen, Meg,” Cass then blurted out calmly, dropping the mood to a serious one, “I’ve been trying my hardest to keep this in all day, and I probably haven’t been too successful at it, but I’m just ’gonna wing this…”

“I don’t understand?” Megan asked, but Cass raised her finger, and Megan didn’t speak.

“Just listen,” she continued, “you know and I know what this is turning into, and I love it. I love the way we are, the way we talk, and the way we… clique. We clique. I guess I missed it a lot more than I thought I would, I mean, I spent a half hour waiting for this and I didn’t think I was going to have as much fun as I am. I’m having fun, and…”

That was all she could say, and Megan was standing there, jaw dropped, puzzlement on her face like a cheap disguise. Her lips, spread apart, open, and yearning; Cass could feel it. Cass wanted it. She gently moved in toward Megan, feeling soft, warm breaths on her chin. Before anyone could do anything different, Cass pressed her lips against Megan’s, feeling a rush of adrenalin like no other. Her eyes shut, and all she could see was Megan’s face in her mind; what she probably looked like. She could feel Megan’s soft, open lips against hers, and the prevalent tongue that never seemed to surrender to Cass’ already strong kiss. In a way, it was a sugar coated purgatory, never ending nor beginning, but sweet, like a lilac in the beating, yellow sun. Megan’s honeydew lips shifted gracefully against Cass’, and it was blatantly astounding. After moments which seemed like days, Cass moved away from Megan, leaving nothing but a shameless grin on the blonde’s face.

“I…” Megan began, but was soon cut off by Cass.

“Please, don’t speak, I…”

“No, I need you to know I’m just,” Megan continued, almost angrily, but not quite. She sighed, looking down at the gravel below her, and it seemed like a mile drop. “I really liked Oscar, he was the best dog I had ever met.”

“That’s not what you were going to say,” Cass murmured meekly, feeling her throat bulge as if it had grown another size with her uneasiness.

Megan sighed, and looked up. “I wanted to tell you this earlier, but we ended up talking about me losing weight and I just got preoccupied, and in a way, too nervous to say anything. Gosh, I’m rambling now… I don’t know how to say this any other way, so I’m just ’gonna wing it’, as you would say. There’s someone else.”

“But…” Cass’ voice trembled. Her heart dropped, as if she were on cocaine. “But I’m falling in love with you.”

“I’m sorry,” Megan sighed, but this time, it wasn’t so happily.

“Who is she?”

Megan opened her mouth to speak, but froze. All of the colour in her skin was now flushed, and her eyes, which had glowed earlier, were dull and disheartened.

“His name is James. I’ve found myself, Cassandra, and it doesn’t involve women anymore. I really thought I was lesbian, but I suppose it was just a phase. I didn’t want it to be, but that’s why I left for so long. I really hoped you didn’t think it was because of you- I just needed to find myself, and I have. I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry…”

Cass stood there, embarrassed, but more ashamed than anything. The wind was no longer cold, her breath was no longer amusing, and Megan was no longer the saint she appeared to be. Cass wasn’t sure whether she resented Megan, or longed for her even more, but knew for sure that she couldn’t be there. Without a word, Cass turned around, head to the pavement, and made her way home, trying to avoid the situation by concentrating on her own self pity. This wasn’t all about her, though, because she was sure she had hurt Megan. She was sure of it. In her mind, Megan no longer smiled, and summer camp was no longer as fun. The year prior was no longer such a fond memory, and everything was different. The half hour wait was no longer worth it, and the first thirty minutes of The Godfather would have seemed a lot more time efficient.

Like the connection they had had earlier, Cass felt this new connection even greater than the one before. This wasn’t the death of Jack in The Titanic, and this wasn’t a dream. This was the death of the evergreen and the rain droplets and the coffee and the velvet lake… this was confusing and unbearable. Cass wasn’t sure whether to lie to herself and convince her mind that Megan was just a soulless b***h, or she could be honest with her heart and accept the fact that not every day can be summer camp, and there will always be that one that got away. Megan was definitely the one that got away; the one that time was well wasted on. As Cass reminisced on the fact that she had wasted her time, she remembered something else her mother had told her- a much more valuable lesson than curling your sleeves over your fingers. Regret is for people who are too afraid to embrace every moment as if it were their last, and do not value the decisions they have made as a whole. Cass thought this over as she finally managed to erase Megan’s face from her mind.

I know I’m not afraid, and I know I’m not ungrateful. I do value my choices, but I just wish things could be easier. Then again, easy is not what teaches anyone a lesson, and I guess, despite how awful this day ended, I have learned something. Megan isn’t a b***h, and she isn’t in the wrong here, I just need to accept life as it comes. Though Cass knew she was right, she felt very cliché, and stopped in her tracks, dead on the sidewalk outside of the convenient store. She could feel the heavy wind against her face, and it was still cold, maybe even colder than before. I may be down, but the world isn’t changing. This doesn’t mean I won’t find anyone else. There’s 6 billion people in this world, and there’s obviously better girls than Megan. But damn, I could go for a hot coffee right now… Maybe even a good nap.

So Cass continued on her way home, her mind blank, but not by force; her mere hate for romance did this, and for the first time in a long time, she valued it. She valued the cold wind and the misty breaths and the somewhat wonderful day with Megan. Cass was restored, not good as new, but had filled in her gaps with toothpaste, per say. Cass would go home, run a hot bath, make a fresh pot of coffee, and watch The Godfather.