340

the clock keeps ticking....

340

I cant sleep. Cant think. 

The clock doesn’t wake me up, but those numbers displayed in a circular fashion disturb me

Cant feel. Cant see 

I don’t know what to do at this point. 

Lost. Isolated.

All you are is a b*****d, just another b*****d Josh 

Nothing will ever be right with you. 

I try to remember…try to dig deep down inside of my mind and relive the moment again.

How it hurts me. I cannot come face to face with the woman that I saw on that night, yet I cannot help this feeling.

Just a b*****d….a worthless b*****d. Did you love her?

I thought that I did, but what did I know?

The clock still ticks, that repetitive ticking noise is like shards of glass being broken…

Over and over again. 

Tick tick

Do you hear it? That is your life. That is the sound of time. Your life will end one day, and you will either embrace it or you will be neglected. 

“I don’t want to be neglected.” 

I cant move. Cant breathe. 

“I don’t want to see her hurt either”

I can only remember, can only hope that she will forgive me.

But she wont. Will she?

I don’t think so.

She doesn’t want a b*****d like you Josh, no one does

I don’t want to believe. Cant believe that. 

In the darkness I ask myself out loud, hoping maybe something, someone will answer back

“you cant just stop loving someone can you?” 

I listen in silence for awhile, looking into the ceiling. The clock still ticking 

The sound of my life being wasted away, hurting.

Is it supposed to hurt all the time? 

I light a cigarette in the dark, still waiting on an answer…from somebody…from something

I feel dead inside….numb….

I don’t want to hurt another person ever again. I cant…I wont…maybe I am just a…a

B*****d?

Halfway through the cigarette, I come to realize that she probably wont be back, and it sinks in my head.

Have another drink then. Take another pain killer. It will help

But ive been there before…seen what it does

Felt numb to the world and that clock…that ticking noise

It only ticks a little faster, a little harder.

I don’t want to die. Goddammit I don’t want to die!

Do you miss her? Miss the way she cared for you?

Missed how she put up with all your s**t Josh? You useless b*****d

“Ive had enough”

I could stay up all night. Wondering, thinking, regretting…hurting

I could drink…I could digest one of those little beans that magically takes everything away. 

Yes I could…

Hurting. Broken.

I loved her. And I always will.

Im not perfect either.

But I am not a b*****d.

I am numb to feelings other then you

But scarred by its consequences

I cannot feel without her

But only want the best for her

The clock still ticks

*Tick tick 

I take a good look at it in the darkness

My life…this is my life

*Tick tick tick*

What are you going to do then Josh?

I try to smile, but cannot

I may never love again

But the clock knows…it knows I have loved before

I will pray for her. Hope that she moves on…

Hope that love finds her…shoots her with that arrow again…hits her right in the heart next to the artery

But let it miss me…please God let it miss me

Tick tick tick

I start to feel my eyes close slightly

Drifting away again

Back into my world

Back into a world I can believe everything is alright

Let me live it…just for one night

The last thing I remember seeing was that clock

How it ticked the way it did.

My life

This is my life

It was 3:40

Reviews

[OBWhiteHawk]

I get it, I have done this. Up in the middle of the night (or early morning in this case) and cant turn those damn thoughts off. Well done.