In Love With Addiction

A conversation

In Love With Addiction

Hi drug, how are you...............?  

"Me?  You know I'm always.good.  How you?

Me?.....Yeah.....no, I'm fine.

"But "fine" isn't very good."  

Yeah, but I don't need you tonight, I can make it through.

"How?  And why?  I give you so much peace and forgiveness."

"You wait for me to soothe you every day."

I know, but you're killing me.  I can't do it anymore.

I'm going to be dead soon, and I will not reach any of my dreams, not even one.

"But you know how much those dreams and the people associated with them hurt you so much?" 

"You can't make it without me."

I know, but I have to.  And it wasn't all their fault.

But if I don't leave you, my son and daughter won't have a Dad.  I have to release all of that old stuff.  I have to break out.

"But I am so easy, and I am always there for you, not like anyone else.  And I make you feel so much better."

I know, no one else does, that's for sure.  Everyone else only causes me pain.

My own faults always show up in the mirror as well, so that makes it exponentially hard to deal with in my head.

"That's why I'm here!  I can help you stay alive long enough to die!  

Don't you see?  

Use me up, as much as you want.  No one ever gives as much to you as I do."

Yep. You're right.

I love you.  At least you make the pain manageable and my life shorter.  Makes me feel better about waking up tomorrow, one less day to be alive.

Some people say I'm depressed, some say I'm lazy, some say I'm a loser, some say I'm an addict, some say I'm not trying hard enough, most don't care.  But they all bring me down.

"But I don't!....I make you feel better every time!.....How can you leave me?"

I don't know if I can, maybe you're right.

Talk to you again too soon, unfortunately.