Chaos

In class all alone, waiting patiently to go home.
hoping and praying for the special day,
when i can look up and really see his face.
the way it used to be, not distorted and distraught,
but the way it was before he always fought.
he makes me happy he makes me mad,
but whenever i see him i am really glad.
all the memories run through my mind,
reason to love him i try hard to find.
when i find it then its gone,
hating all the stupid love songs.
i want to love him, i want to care,
how can i thougt hes never there,
when he is i dont know whats real,
is he honest or lying, what does he really feel,
hes all i think about when im alone,
alone cold not caring, the feeling i get when on my own,
i try not to think but somehow hes there,
holding me close and touching my hair.
i wish it was so, i wish it would be,
but what it comes down to is he doesnt want me,
dont believ it my heart will scream,
shut up and get over it my mind would beam,
which should i listen to, oh i dont know,
but all this chose i wish would go...