My Head Aches

My Head Aches

A Poem by w2de35657u687y4324rf

strumpetting trumpets, of the earth inversed, [they are!]

/(ease, am I, among the silos of my soul,)/

 

when up on pit-less you, don’t call you “cranberry stroodle”

I’m a one foot off the roof if I ever touched you, so sharing bedroom blues,

 

            chittering, splittering and bittering in a midnight beehive, so I am, thinks alive,

expressing urks and smooth blues with chills, (to the bored cashier) uumpin up ready the spills,

            & so slips on to,          (tell me I’m not lovin’ up a screw!)

doesn’t can’t not have to wind out, plugged in ready

I do, I do, shocked on in as a migratory maybe, ((ya’ had a stack))

 

mandated a green eye and red cheeks-- now I’m draggin’ in black camino back

burned citizenship with your cracked lips, & raging opposite

(some oceanless s**t beach coffin kickin’ gag crap at me)

spinning sick from history’s piss                          

cause chance made a dash at whose-a-noose, (it was you)

 my head aches.

 

(And all I wanted to do was love you.)

© 2012 w2de35657u687y4324rf


Author's Note

w2de35657u687y4324rf
I was wondering if I should cut the last line, don't like it much, but it kind of makes sense of the piece.

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

No. I like the last line. And I like the edit. It is wild!! Unrestrained and off the chain!
It takes a couple of readings for it to really sink in. The rhythm and word use more than make up for the prose being a little vague. Being in love, especially unrequited, will make your head swim like this. And I now get that you are SHOWING it rather than explaining it! You'll have to forgive me I'm a little slow at times!

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Wow, I really like this the more and more I read it. You can tell you really let your emotions flow through.
I loved when you said "(some oceanless s**t beach coffin kickin’ gag crap at me)" and I think you should keep the last line, I think it really helps make the poem.


Posted 6 Years Ago


Don't ever rid a piece of its closing lines, especiallyyy when it makes sense.
(Of course I love it!) - It may seem a bit mediocre to you, maybe even a bit cliché, but it makes the piece, it really does. It gives it a general feeling, a relatable feeling, a universal and timeless feeling, as love is.
Your word usage and choice here is absolutely phenomenal. I gladly bow to those who have much higher imagination than I ever will. So unique, so breath-taking!

Posted 7 Years Ago


No. I like the last line. And I like the edit. It is wild!! Unrestrained and off the chain!
It takes a couple of readings for it to really sink in. The rhythm and word use more than make up for the prose being a little vague. Being in love, especially unrequited, will make your head swim like this. And I now get that you are SHOWING it rather than explaining it! You'll have to forgive me I'm a little slow at times!

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

380 Views
3 Reviews
Added on April 6, 2012
Last Updated on June 6, 2012

Author

w2de35657u687y4324rf
w2de35657u687y4324rf

Tucson, AZ



About
Empty box. UPDATE: I will no longer be accepting anonymous friend requests. Please REVIEW anything of mine before sending a friend invite so that I can assess who I will be making contact with. .. more..

Writing