Destined

 

 

Part one: Haley

 

Freezing wind slammed into me yet another time. For the hundredth time I told myself I was an idiot. What had I been thinking when I decided to come out in the middle of the forest to go camping? Knowing full well that a storm had been coming in, frankly I had not been thinking. At least the stabbing like pain was an indication I could still feel. For more than one reason I was glad of the cold. Should have never trusted another man again. For some reason I had known this would happen. Finally got the courage to trust one guy after Mason and end up with a torn up heart and a malfunctioning brain. Since I had clearly not thought this whole trip over I see I should never have trusted the guy. He had been a little too nice in the beginning. Now I knew why, he was just like the rest of the men. Not Mason, a tiny part of my brain kept repeating that.

 I shivered from the cold just as much at the memory of Mason, I missed him. He was the only true friend in my life and he disappeared one day. Moving one foot in front of the other my vision began to blur. Walking without actually seeing, I knew that feeling. Had done that for a week when Mason vanished, until the letter came. So long ago it had come, but the words had burned themselves into my mind.

 Tears fell down my cheeks and with speech unattainable I cursed myself silently. Over two years ago Mason had left and here I was still weeping. I was so weak, shaking my head I shivered from the cold. My fingers were starting to lose feeling; I sighed and called myself stupid again. More unwanted tears fell for my unspoken love for Mason. Well, I thought to myself there goes my promise of being strong. Why now, in the middle of a forest with no idea where I was did I fall apart? Perhaps this was the best place to let go of my emotions before I bury them for good. Not that I truly thought I could get rid of my love for Mason. Spending most of your life with someone and the emotions with it can't just be erased.

 Forgetting about Chris was getting easier by the second. So coming out here was not a total waste. Looking up at the sky told me I was soon going to be in the middle of a storm. Now the idea of coming out here did not have so much intrigue. I kept putting one foot in front of the other, not stopping even with my aching body. Destination unknown to me, and I could not have cared less. Blind from the images flashing through my mind and I take another step. Shouting in fright before the rest of me realizes what is going on, I was falling. Trying to protect my face I covered it with my arm, pain. The soaked ground from the recent rain drenched my clothes. Lying there, whimpering at the intense shooting pain in my arm.

  Using my good arm I brought myself into a sitting position. Pain now clearing my head I saw clearly what had caused the pain. A fist sized sharp edged rock lay on the ground covered in red liquid. Quickly I looked away, trying desperately not to think too much about what was on the rock. I was slightly, hemophobic okay more than slightly. My breathes were already speeding up at the thought, blood. Gagging as I looked down at my injured arm. A ragged hole about two inches wide stared at me, oozing blood. Air stopped flowing into to my lungs, my head swam. Swaying slightly I rested my head on the huge log that had tripped me. Knowing what was to come next only helped in becoming lightheaded, darkness forcefully embraced me.

 

Part two: Mason

 

Sighing as I walked through the forest, a storm was coming. A smile formed on my lips of the past that held so many wonderful memories. Then a frown swiftly replaced the smile that so rarely ever greeted me. The past was a tricky thing just like being in this forest, so many emotions. The forest was a sanctuary in a way but then again it is just a link to the past. Shaking my head my mind wandered to the day my father told me of the secret that would change my life. Resisting was kind of impossible since my body was the thing that had changed.

 Werewolf, what a load of bull I thought that was. Well, until the day my body transformed. What a shock I had when I woke up to find myself furry and having four legs. Sighing again at the old memory, I have been sighing a lot recently I though as I continued further into the woods. Then everything became real, really difficult .That was not the only piece of news I got upon my twentieth birthday. My father was the alpha of the pack here in Colorado. Seeing as he was getting too old, I was supposed to take his place. It had been two years ago that I had left my old life behind, two years since I ripped out my heart.

 She had been my best friend through everything, and I just could not burden her with this. Seeing the look of horror on her face if she saw me in my other form would hurt too much. Or change into my other form, shudder. Not that this option was much better, one measly letter. How could a mere piece of paper ever compensate for leaving my best friend and the love of my life? Haley, just her name had me shivering. My legs began to move me faster through the woods. Faster, and faster I ran through the forest. Trying to outrun or escape everything that has been forced on me

 The smell of the rain drenched earth was welcoming. However, there was another smell which did not belong. Sharp, it stung my nose with the intensity of the smell. It was a smell so recognizable to my heightened senses. Blood, and from how strong it was I could tell it was fresh. Slowing down my gaze wandered, trying to find the source of the scent. Breathing in deeply, the blood belonged to a human. What kind of crazy human would come out here in a storm? The wind was now even giving me a run for my money on keeping on my feet.

 The change had brought many new things along with it. One of which I was thankful seeing as it was getting deadly cold now. Being a werewolf had its perks, my Favorite being practically immune to the temperature around me. Any human not well protected was going to die soon. Since the scent was so strong now it could be easily assumed that they were not in a tent. Taking another deep breath the scent was very strong, I was close.

 There, a small lump of a human was unconscious on the ground with a nasty gash in her arm. Dark ginger colored hair masked the small woman, a memory burst to the forefront of my mind. Like a punch to the gut, her hair was the exact shade as Haley's. Wait, my frown deepened as I stared at the woman for a few heartbeats. Then a scowl quickly replaced the frown… that was Haley!

  The woman was going to kill herself one of these days. She did not have any self-preservation at all, going out in to the woods alone, with a storm now building up. Maybe five minutes, not long enough to get her to a car. The walk back to my car was at least four miles, I could possibly make it. Carrying her, not a chance of getting her there before the storm. A soft moan drew my attention to Haley once again, she appeared so fragile. Kneeling down I looked for any other injuries, none. Good thing was she did not pass out from anything too bad. The gash along her arm was bleeding slowly and only a small puddle of blood was on the ground. The sight of her own blood was enough to have her faint. Gently I moved her hair out of her face, another punch to the gut. Her face brought back so many memories. A soft smile formed on my lips, seeing her was not a good idea. However, leaving her here to die would never be an option. It was sad that she was tough in so many ways and yet, the sight of a drop of blood had her fainting

 Haley moaned again and then moved a little, she was going to wake soon. Taking her to my cabin was always an option; it was only two minutes away from here. I was heading over there for some relaxation any ways. Treating her wound there would be better for her also. It would be good to have some shelter from the now raging wind. What was I doing here just sitting around pondering what to do? Touching Haley's cheek, the soft skin was ice cold. I could have slapped myself mentally for being so stupid. I may be barely cold but Haley was still just a human, prone to the cold. Lifting her up I discovered how light she was. Not meaning my abnormal strength, but she had lost a lot of weight. This was not good, because she was never big. Being an outdoors girl through and through, something stressful happened to her.

 

  Walking as fast as I could without jarring Haley I moved toward my cabin. She always escaped to the forest whenever something bad happens. She said the forest was like a refuge to her, we had always thought alike. Only one other time had she been as reckless as to escape to the forest while a storm was nearly over head. Shaking my head I thought back to how worried I was that day.              

         Seemed to peaceful, well until a phone call came. A driver had fallen asleep they said, slammed right into Haley's mom without ever knowing. Both were injured, but Haley's mom had fatal injuries. She died while being rushed to the hospital; I had been at my dad's house. Having been told the huge secret, I rushed to the woods as soon as the message was relayed. Two days of agony as my body changed, two days of torture without seeing Haley. Only because I was now a werewolf was I able to find Haley. Passed out from exhaustion, I made a decision that day.

 Snapping myself out of the past I looked up and saw my cabin. Small, but it has held up over the years. Cradling Haley in one arm I used the other to open the rickety old door. Stepping in to the darkness of the room and finding no fire was blazing in the hearth which made the cabin only a few degrees warmer then outside. Shutting the door I moved over to the only large piece of furniture in the room. My queen sized bed dominated the room, leaving little room for anything else. Setting Haley carefully on the bed then moved over to the fire place. Four logs lay in the fire place ready to be lit. Retrieving the matches from the small round table next to the bed I lit the fire. Flames devoured the logs, soon making the cabin warmer; I returned my attention to Haley. She had not yet moved again, which worried me. She always would wake no more than three minutes after fainting. It was now edging on five minutes, since I found her.

My gut clenched as it dawned on me she could have been like this for longer. The cold could have already caused too much damage to her fragile body. No! Losing her again was not an option. Lowering my hand to her forehead it was deathly cold. She felt colder than before, this was not happening. I had promised to protect her, albeit we were kids back then. Not that it mattered to me since I had meant my promise to her. Clutching a strand of her hair had me remembering how much I loved her hair. Naturally pink lips now tinged blue only reinforced what I was about to do. Even knowing that it was against the law of my kind, I just loved Haley too much.

By focusing on the heat of my body I forced it to grow in volume. Hotter and hotter my body became, soon I felt like I was engulfed in fire. Taking a deep breath I carefully focused on Haley. Willing her body to absorb what I was offering her. As her human body fought against what I was trying to give. There was something else that awoke and accepted what I offered. While part of my mind was in chaos, the other forced it to focus solely on Haley. Hours could have passed; honestly I had not paid attention to any of that. My full focus was on Haley and making sure she survived. Gradually I began to weaken, but Haley was slowly showing signs of life. Her skin quickly turned to its natural flushed pink, she started twitching. I could not help but smile as she moaned. Knowing she was strong enough to at least survive on her own I stopped the flow of my energy from leaving me anymore. My limbs felt like lead weights as I forced myself to move on the other side of Haley. Chest heaving with every breath, if I died right now I would be content. I would have kept my promise to her, my lids drifted closed. With a finally breath I said, “I love you Haley".

 

  The final part of the story will be added later.

 

Author's Note

The first part of a story that i am writing.. Seeing how well it works out, considering turning it into more of a book.

Reviews

[Mrsnyums]

Hi,

I've just read the first part of your story and have a few suggestions. Positively, it's an interesting story and I feel like I want to keep reading, which is the most important thing!

Constructively, it needs a little 'tweaking' to help the flow.

I've re-worked the first paragraph to give you an idea of what I'm talking about. See what you think? I hope it helps.

As the freezing wind slammed into me yet again, I told myself for the hundredth time, that I was an idiot. What had I been thinking? Coming out in the middle of the forest to go camping, knowing full well that a storm was coming in. Frankly I had not been thinking. At least this stabbing pain was an indication I could still feel. For more than one reason I was glad of the cold. I’d had a feeling this would happen. I had finally got the courage to trust a guy, after Mason, and ended up with a torn up heart and a malfunctioning brain. Clearly, I hadn’t thought this whole trip over and I now see I should never have trusted him. He had been a little too nice from the beginning. Now I knew why; he was just like the rest. “Not Mason”, a tiny part of my brain kept repeating.

Try to avoid using the same word in two consecutive sentences. For example, the word "time" in the first and second sentence.

A really good read and you've obviously got talent. Keep it up!

[V.J.C.]

Thanks for the tips. Not ever been one for the smallest of details. Working on them tho. Currently trying to juggle Destined part 2 and my novel that is starting to gather dust... Appreciate you taking the time to read and review.

[Larry Dyson]

@Mrsnyums..yepp nailed it.

[Mrsnyums]

Cheers!

[emmajoy]

Not a lover of vampires etc., but read through your story and was gradually drawn into it. You've certainly created a good mix of characters, but, would have liked more descriptions so that i could see them.

Had a quick scan of others' reviews and agree with with quite a few comments which i won't bore you with again - too much critisism can frustrate. However, two suggestions: slowly read your work aloud as you finish each paragraph - hear the flow or lack of it; listen to the phrasing - ask self if it's clumsy or what; have you repeated words or used too many 'ands' or 'buts' etc. And, secondly, do use a dictionary or thesaurus, spell correctly, learn new words .. enlarge your skills - though how you do that is up to you. We're all in the Cafe to learn .. feel free to come into my space and rip my stuff to pieces :)

Having written far more than intended, just a little reminder .. people only help and advise folk when they see great potential .. you certainly have it.

[Brad]

pretty intense. when i read something i usually go into my head and try to picture things in movie form...this actually got my heart racing.

[Tamelia Jade]

- What had I been thinking when I decided to come out in the middle of the forest to go camping. Knowing full well that a storm had been coming in, frankly I had not been thinking.
-.- Mean... just getting to the good bit too. The above sentence was a little awkward and should have a question mark. Anyway, still this was a fantastic story and very interesting. It was also very engaging and I was still hanging on till the end :) I found the large gaps a little disconcerting but still, it was fantastic and thanks for a great story! Loved it :)

[Laura Maidah]

I couldn't suspend disbelief, mainly because of verbosity. However, it's extremely well-written. Your word choice is so precise, I'm swooning. The third sentence should be posed as a question. First line, second sentence has a comma splice. An example of extra wordiness is here:"The smell of the rain drenched earth was welcoming. However, there was another smell which did not belong. Sharp, it stung my nose with the intensity of the smell. It was a smell so recognizable to my heightened senses. Blood, and from how strong it was I could tell it was fresh. Slowing down my gaze wandered, trying to find the source of the scent. Breathing in deeply, the blood belonged to a human. What kind of crazy human would come out here in a storm? The wind was now even giving me a run for my money on keeping on my feet."

I'll do my version, so you can see how to eliminate words for you revision: Though the drenched earth was a welcoming scent, another pungent smell that stung my nose mingled in the air which was not as welcoming. My heightened smell recognized it: fresh human blood. I looked for the source, wondering who would be crazy enough to come outside in the storm. The wind, even know, had me struggling to stay on my feet.


It's more particular about structural issues and more concise. THanks for sharing!

[Wild Willow Blue]

This is very well written; you were able to keep my attention, throughout the entire story, with your words. I'm partial to werewolf and vampire stories, so of course I enjoyed it. I love the different parts, the stories in different points of view. I think your wording is just fine. Great job.

[Brittany]

Cliff hanger, girl! Wake up Haley.

I was really interested in this story. I like paranormal romance and I found you story capturing my interest. So great job. I also agree with Mrsnyums. It seems like you have too many words. See what you think of her paragraph. Otherwise, I enjoyed it and hope you RR me when you continue.

[David Lewis Paget]

Not really a story reader, I find it difficult to take werewolf stories seriously, there are so many of them these days. I also found it difficult to understand how this werewolf could pick her up and carry her to the cabin.
My major crit would be the truncated sentences you use, incomplete. I can appreciate that you are attempting some sort of stream of consciousness, to add to the drama, but your sentence breaks need attention, and I think Mrsnyums below has a few good points to make. Still, keep writing. It's all good practice and part of the apprenticeship we all have to endure before writing our masterpieces. All the best, David.

[Kimberly "Melody" Carne..]

THIS WAS AN AMAZING READ!!!!!!!!! i LOVED IT AND CAN'T WAIT TO READ MORE MORE MORE!