E-Harmony

An honestly brutal add on E-harmony

E-HARMONY

I’m forty-three and live at home

The basement is my Superdome

My dad wishes I’d go away

He keeps repeating that I'm gay.

 

My mom calls me her little boy

The dog, he treats me like his toy

My shirt is stained, but what the hell

The neighbors tell me that I smell.

 

I asked a girl out at the mall

She turned to run but hit a wall

This shopping cart is my sweet ride

I pimped it - put flames down its side.

 

Twinkies are my favorite sweet

With buttermilk they can't be beat

And sometimes I forget to wipe

My underwear has got a stripe.

 

On Halloween I trick or treat

But no one wants to smell my feet

I ring their bell 'till they put out

'Cause candy's what I'm all about.

 

My weight, three hundred pounds, or near

My dad says I should wear brassiere

My hair, last combed in ‘83

And sometimes I fart when I pee.

 

So this is me, you want to date?

I’m really hoping we can mate

I'll meet you down at the Wal- Mart

Just find my flaming shopping cart.

 

By Dan Trent

Copy write: 2008

Author's Note

Had a funny thought onme day when I was watching an E-harmony add. I wanted to see what the reaction would be if someone was overly honest when posting their info for a date.

Reviews

[Samantha Heaton]

Way to find a date with this lmao... Again I smiled! lol

[Daytonight]

Good luck finding someone with this ad! Rofl! Maybe try talking about chocolate next time! ^^ Great write. Keep 'em coming!

[EZ Writer]

Lol// Super funny guy, this waz grrrr8!!
BUT, your toooo honest!
I don't think you'll get > NO date!!? rofl//
Best regards, Easy

[karmax]

lmao!! dan this is great! Another humorous write by you..lmao!