Hold It

I wanted to hold your hand

without making you think

that you should do the same with mine

I wanted to prove to  you that I come from a blood line

with the power to redesign our genetics by will

move my own  nucleotides one step a time like a child solving a puzzle

see the changes that happen when I refuse to walk in a straight line

with everyone just because we were raised that way

we shouldn't be told that there's no way to reassign our fate 

as long as we have a heartbeat and a chance to take

we will be able to break through the incapability 

overcome the impossibility and ascertain the implausibility  

to see eachother

And maybe what had always both worried me and fascinated me most

about the distance

was the time difference

I always found comfort in watching the sunrise before you'd even wake

watch it deceiving me with the illusion that it might be slowly floating

back to your side so I could know that the night's about to be over 

and light will soon be shining 

I would pretend to be the first sunray to pierce through your window

slowly caressing your cheek with the warmth of a new day

I would have loved if I could do that

and the fact that I can't sometimes gets the better of me

sometimes it makes me regret being born on this side of the globe

as if God spun this ball in circles and put us thousands of miles away

just to see how much effort we're willing to put into this

let's make him proud

let's show everyone who's ever said we are not allowed 

to be happy together that when you find common ground

in a lost and found you might find more 

that what you've been looking for

but I've realized love should be less like a flower

and more like a war

don't count ourselves amongst the casualties

because when the sky clears

and the dust settles

we'll have our wounds to reflect upon

and I'm sorry to interrupt acts of war

but I gotta let you 

watching you fight

really f*****g turns me on 

I've been publishing your smile on milk cartons

hoping someone cares enough to give you back to me

make me feel needed in places I've never 

took a single step in

just like you did

so I've pretended I was already there

and there's no ending to the fantasies that revolved around you

in the small hours between a stroll to the bathroom

and a midnight prayer

I don't know where to begin

so I try to touch the pillow after dreaming of touching your own skin

listening to it screaming to me that it's been

waiting for someone to come and give in under the impossible weight

of a confession made by those who saw everything

if your skin could talk

it would tell me where it wants to be touched

where it's good

and where it lacks some

if those things were real

it would be easier to look at what we've become

so I just take it by the hand

and hold it for years

hold it for years to come