For the Love of... Sex

Sexual Abuse in relationships. Warning: Sensitive and explicit content!

 

Pushing me down, holding me there. Grabbing and squeezing my breasts. Ignoring my repetitive "No! I don't want this", and entering me.

 

Rape is a common sexual fantasy for many women, or so I've heard. Just the idea of it is a turn on, especially for successful women.The power game they play in their daily lives, when such power is absolutely relinquished in their fantasies, can be a major turn on. Apparently...

 

But this is not a fantasy, and the man pounding his member in and out of me with his head back and eyes closed, is my boyfriend. I close my mouth and close my eyes. I wont cry as I learned a long time ago that crying will solve nothing. I don't want to antagonise.

 

He speaks to the room as he says over and over again that he loves this wet p***y. I try to turn my head and look up at him as he speaks more crude words, to no one in particular. His words are not untrue. I am wet. There is no pain. My body knows his body and reacts accordingly. I love him.

 

As he gathers momentum my body slips into a submissive child like state. I wonder how this man who loves me so passionately can enjoy my body so fervently as it lies like a sack, non - reciprocative and loose. I wonder if there was ever any need for me to have previously participated in any sex acts in this relationship. He didn't seem to need me to play any active part in this one.

 

I remember the first time he did this. When i finally realised I had no control over this situation and my participation and consent was not an apparent pre requisite for his pleasure. I was frozen with shock. It wasn't so much the physical act itself that hurt me, but the knowledge that he who loved me so, could willingly and happily do this. There was no need for my input. I was just a body. A thing to be used. Fucked!

 

The last time he did it I thought I could be smart. Fuelled by alcohol, anger and hurt I tried to entice him to make him finish quicker. "F**k me hard", I screamed. F**k me hard and come". My futile attempts were unsuccessful however and he didn't stop. He kept going and going, tossing me and turning me and f*****g me over and over. I passed out.