The Bitter Rendezvous

This is really just a pointless thing that I wrote out of nowhere because I haven't written anything in a while and I felt like I needed some practice. Not a true story =p

The boy sat patiently at a table in the middle of a busy downtown cafe in the afternoon, crooning elegant tendrils of smoke through moist lips in-between longs sips of Earl Grey.  

He hadn't always been a drinker of tea, and in fact he hated the stuff when he was younger, but one year in the midst of winter, while he was sick with a bad cold, the popular hot drink had facilitated his recovery, and he had learned to appreciate the beverage more in the process. Now he was a connoisseur, and he made an art form out of drinking tea--he knew every brand and flavor in creation, and he made drinking it look as cool as cigarette smoking once was back in the day. But then again, he was the sort of person who made everything look cool.

Tight denim jeans of faded blue clung loosely to narrow hips, while an expensive red belt adorned with a yellow hammer and sickle did its best to keep them there; black canvas shoes kicked the chair opposite them; a striped red and grey shirt hung idly over a slender frame that was duly covered in a khaki hoody--he was dressed fashionably, but carelessly; it was that effortless sort of chic that seems to only be possessed by a chosen few.

The vibe of the place was to his liking, and although he hadn't come there for the purpose of leisure, he had a hard time not enjoying himself amidst the throngs of hipsters and pretty girls that patronized it. The service was indifferent, and the food was just ‘ok’, but it was the general scene of the place that made it popular.

The only credible lighting inside was the natural kind, which poured in through two large windows which ran lengthwise on either side of the entryway, and diners preferring outdoor tables could be seen chatting animatedly. There were other dim lights inside, but the dingy things were more for show than for visibility--they gave the place character. The floor was hardwood, and somehow impeccably clean; the ceiling above was low and the walls were filled up with posters advertising various local and famous bands, among other things. Music played ion the background, not too loudly, not too soft.

The boy looked around casually, scanning the area for a familiar place. His eyelids opened and closed languidly, alternately uncovering and recovering his large green eyes.

He took another sip of his tea, and pretended for a moment that he was a wise philosopher, who was privy to all the world's secrets.  At the moment, he felt as if he could do no wrong. This isn’t gonna be a big deal, he thought to himself, this is all going to go just fine. There’s no way that she’d leave me...I’m not being cocky here, but come one. We click. We just do, and she knows it.

The boy drank a little more and played with the brown locks of hair that obscured his forehead. He shifted his weight in his chair again and again and again as the minutes ticked by, and he waited.

Finally, his eyes caught sight of a girl making her way through a mess of people blocking the entrance to the cafe like a clot. They opened a little bit more widely, and tracked her elegant movements through the place.

She seemed to stand out from everyone else--she wasn’t just one of those girls who seems to look like every other girl. Her hair was neatly done but kinky instead of straightened, and its rusty blonde color was natural. She had a cute pink top on, and some designer jeans, and was all wrapped up in a white pea coat.  She was beautiful.


The boy watched her, the ubiquitous calmness upon his features not betraying the heart which beat with increasing intensity inside his chest. She drew nearer to his table, still blindly looking back and forth to spot him. The boy raised his hand up in the air a short distance to hail her, and kept it up until her gaze settled on it. She looked down with a strange expression, and then made her way to the boy purposefully.

“Hey Adam.” She said in a voice like honey, sweet and soft and flowing, before pulling out the unoccupied seat and sitting down.

The boy stared at her, and sat down his mug. “Hey babe...” he said with quiet confidence.

She grimaced for an instant, before smiling and shaking her head, a trace of red on her cheeks. “Uhm...sorry if I took a while....I had to stay on campus a bit longer to ask my professor some things.”

“Eh, I just got here a few minutes ago.” Adam lied.

“That’s good....couldn’t you have taken a booth though?” She asked, her head turning towards the comfortable-looking seats lined against a far wall. “You always pick like the busiest spot, right in the middle of all the mess....” she complained light-heartedly.

Adam just smiled. “Yeah well....you know how much I like to be in the middle of a mess.”

The girl looked at him sourly, deciding whether she should fake a laugh or slap him. In the end, she only sighed a bit and glanced off to the side.

Silence fell over their little table for a while, as the rest of the people in the cafe kept chattering away, oblivious to the pair. It made them seem sort of apart from the rest of the world.

“So,” Adam broke the silence, “do you wanna go get something? They aren’t out of pastries yet. I’ll pay.”

“Thanks, but no....I don’t feel like staying long.” She replied shortly, still avoiding eye contact.

Awkward silence intrudes again.

“Nicole...are you dumping me?” the boy finally blurted out in a voice that sounded incredulous. His girlfriend turned her head to look into his eyes for the first time. “....I’m sorry. I just don’t want to hang around you anymore....you’re obviously a different person now, so you need to go be with somebody different.”

“Nicole....!” Adam called out to her with his heart sinking in his chest, but she was already standing, slinging her purse over her shoulder. “I’m really sorry, but this is what you wanted.” she said before turning and walking away.

Adam watched her go, his mouth slightly open, some words hanging on the tip of his tongue that she hadn’t given him time to say:

“I’m sorry”  “I love you”  “Don’t leave me”  “It was a mistake”  “We click, and you know it”....

His mug was empty, his mind was numb, he’d be going home alone, and the day would stretch on and on....

Author's Note

is this too long/boring/corny? Let me knowww

Oh and that pic is by Mikacrescentmoon @ Deviant Art =]

Reviews

[lindsay]

i really like this story you worte.

[Jessi Berlasty]

"Music played ion(in) the background" "scanning the area for a familiar place" Did you mean face?

I really enjoyed your descriptions in this story. It does add a sort of aura to the surroundings and the character. However, the way you take a good chunk of the story describing Adam and the cafe takes the reader out of the story. I would suggest interlacing it with the action more. Like when he's scanning the room, have him look over the posters on the wall. Something like that. Kurt Vonnegut said, "Every sentence should do two things: Reveal character or advance the action." I'll send you the article when I am done. Some of the descriptions would be suitable to revealing character, but maybe it would be more effective in first person. Especially this line: "he made drinking it look as cool as cigarette smoking once was back in the day. But then again, he was the sort of person who made everything look cool." That could add to the character of Adam a lot more if it was written in his point of view. I found some of the descriptions, though beautiful, to be too wordy.

Another thing that seemed off about this is I don't connect to any of the characters. I feel indifferent to them. If you gave the readers background to the story -- to Adam and Nicole's relationship -- it would help the reader invest more emotion into the story.

You have the descriptions written just beautifully. Basically what I am saying is that you need to find a happy medium between the plot line and the descriptions.

[Aleyah]

heyyyy this is awesome. I loved the colorful descriptions of things; it really pulled me in. I see where you could think it's corny, but the way you wrote it, the slightly cliche topic was a lot different than most because of your originality in description. oh, and I don't think it's too long. I especially loved the multiple phrases that you described as hanging on the tip of his tongue. That's an awesomeee way to say that. Anyway, loved this a lot. amazingg story!

[PossiblyAlice]

I really enjoyed this! Theres a little too much detail in some places which tends to make the reader lose interest but overall i think its a very well writen, you should really get something published XD

~Alice