Ajay's Valencia

A soccer fanboy decides to do something outrageous to celebrate his love of Valencia Euro-soccer for Christmastime.

Well, since that last fable was quite eerie and Batman-esque, I decided to retire rather with a fun and quirky vignette about soccer, diamonds, and Tahiti drinks.

It's a 'Christmastime limerick,' so I really hope you all like it!

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"I started collecting Valencia soccer-club team trading-cards. Valencia is a Spanish club-team in Europe's La Liga, which is very competitive and has boasted incredible talents such as David Villa and Pablo Aimar. I collect Valencia trading-cards, because even though I'm a U.S. citizen, I played soccer as a youth and in college and at various levels and enjoy following Euro-soccer on cable-TV at my mom's house! I got a nifty idea one day to do something somewhat creative with my love of soccer and soccer memorabilia and ornaments."

"Of course, nothing is as valuable to a soccer player than actual soccer trophies, so I value mostly soccer trophies and the glory and achievements they represent. Soccer is a competitive sport like any other, but soccer remains mostly unpopular in America, compared to baseball (MLB) and football (NFL). However, the US women's national soccer team captured 4 World Cup titles. This has brought newfound respect for international soccer in America, and, after all, the World Cup soccer tournament in 1994 was held in America, when Brazil defeated Italy to capture the ultimate trophy!"

"My name's Ajay Satan. I'm a soccer fan and player and enthusiast as I explained! I wanted to do something creative with my love of soccer. Therefore, I decided to find some valuable diamonds, from Belgium or something, and use them to make Valencia soccer-team jewelry for my actress-girlfriend Heather. I took a selfie of myself and sent it to Heather, promising her I'd get her some nifty soccer jewelry from Valencia for Christmas this year."

"However, I knew I wanted to do something outlandish to find this special jewelry to customize my Valencia necklace-jewelry for my girlfriend Heather. I called my college buddies and we decided to orchestrate a special diamond-heist in NYC this December, ahead of Christmas, just in time to make that Valencia jewelry for Heather. I'm sure she'll appreciate what I'm trying to do for her, though I'll never disclose this 'double-life' secret to her, at least not this Christmas anyway!"

"My two college buddies and I did some research and found some real valuable uncut diamonds being transported through a jewelry store in New York. We've decided to pull off a masked heist in time for the Christmas Valencia jewelry gift for my girlfriend Heather. Of course, my buddies will get their share of the booty as well, and I'm sure they'll know what they'll want to do with their earnings. They're Valencia soccer fans, like me, so we make an ideal team for this kind of Christmastime stunt."

"Valencia is a proud Spanish club-soccer team boasting many great players in its past, including the World Cup winning soccer captain and marshal David Villa of Spain. Since I grew up and lived in America, I never had the chance to play European soccer, even though it's the best soccer in the world, at the club level. Italy, England, and Spain produce the most competitive club soccer teams the world has ever seen, boasting the world's finest soccer superstars, such as Johann Cruyff (Netherlands), Ronaldo (Portugal), and David Beckham (England). Valencia is my favorite team of all, and I want my diamond-heist jewelry to showcase my fanboy love of Valencia. Heather, my girlfriend, will know it's a sincere gift, something I actually understand and a love I want to showcase to her and share with her."

"The uncut diamonds, worth $10 million, are being transported/held through a New York jewelry store, owned and operated by a very wealthy Jewish-American who has shares in a European club soccer team (Chelsea!). The diamonds are being held in a vault. My college buddies and I walked into the store wearing sunglasses and fake-beards (to disguise our faces) and posing as photojournalists seeking photos of the stored diamonds for Vanity Fair. We then put on our ski-masks, knocked out the guards with tranquilizer-darts hidden in the soles of our shoes, and spray-canned the security cameras. We tied up the owner/manager and customers and then sedated them into a state of unconsciousness before substituting the diamonds with fake diamonds we brought with us. We left a note, "We didn't steal your diamonds, as you can see, but we wanted to make this PR-stunt to show you that diamond stores are simply unsecured...so be careful! We put this message in a video-recording, and we left the video for the news."

"I took my share of the diamonds to make a fancy Valencia necklace for my girlfriend Heather. The diamonds I didn't use for the Valencia necklace I used to buy an airplane ticket to Tahiti, where I will now own and operate a small island bar. My actress-girlfriend Heather will visit me whenever she's on vacation from her Hollywood (USA) film-work! I have a small TV in my Tahiti apartment on which I watch Valencia soccer games. Heather is the real treasure in my life, however. Heather and Jesus."

"It's amazing what kinds of jewelry are worth spiritually and socially in modern civilization. People use precious minerals and gems to craft and customize all kinds of items and pieces of real sentimental value! This is the age of marketing and consumerism, after all! Maybe that's why we saw so many robbery films in the 20th and 21st Century in America! People are simply 'fascinated' by the concept of handheld fortunes and toys."

"Perhaps if women's soccer becomes more popular later on, the successes of the US women's national soccer team will yield greater fanfare and fanboy activity among Americans (and American youngsters!). Nevertheless, soccer video games, especially FIFA's series of soccer-games for the PlayStation/Xbox continue to draw in consumers and youngsters looking to simulate the national thrills of team soccer in video-game platforms. Perhaps someday soccer will be as gloried as American baseball, and maybe that will be because of the gender-media attention afforded by the successes of women's soccer (ironic)!"

"I decided to contact American celebrity/actor Leo DiCaprio and invited him to my Tahiti island bar to watch Valencia soccer games with me! Hopefully, he'll appreciate my Valencia memorabilia and even some of my new Valencia jewelry(!). I'm really hoping to draw in more social spotlights to Euro-soccer, since I believe, personally, that world soccer is the wave of the future for media/TV fans. I wonder if Leo's Italian background makes him intrigued by the successes of Italy's national soccer team at the World Cup."

LEO: Thanks for inviting me to your Tahiti island bar, Ajay!

AJAY: Sure; I have that 1982 World Cup video for you here, Leo.

LEO: I'm psyched; Paolo Rossi led Italy to the title that year.
AJAY: I know it.

LEO: I really like your Valencia diamond egg.
AJAY: I had it custom-made, dude.
LEO: How much are the diamonds in it worth?
AJAY: Quite a bit; I earned the money to buy the gems.
LEO: Cool; so I guess we're going to watch some Valencia games.
AJAY: Not before you try my fancy Tahitian-Italian Rum-and-Lychee drink.

LEO: Sounds patriotic.

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