Thieves Like Us?

Two intelligence/infiltration agents on Coronavirus break attend a special Celtics-Lakers event during which they perform a daring and symbolic politically 'convenient' dial heist.

An Irish heist tale to sign off, inspired by the fun movie 

The Boondock Saints

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Isaac Satan and Christian Bale were members of the CIA (Central Intelligence Agency) and P-IRA (Provisional Irish Republican Army), working in Northern Ireland to deal with the Protestant-Catholic rift between the Irish minority and British majority population in the U.K. descended from years of colonialism and neglected Parliamentary socioeconomic policies of disparity. Isaac (code-name: Green Shadow) and Christian (code-name: Green Fire) were assigned for various black market munitions supervision, police/military stronghold strike records, and political dealings with Sinn Fein (the legal/political and nonviolent 'wing' of the IRA). However, they were given time-off during the Coronavirus quarantine and commanded to visit the USA (Boston, Massachusetts) for vacation-time. This was a welcomed break from their otherwise entangled life of Protestant-Catholic deathstrokes in the U.K.

Isaac, an Algerian-American with relatives involved in the FLN revolution against French colonial rule in Algeria, became interested in Irish politics while studying literature and international customs at the prestigious Ivy League school Dartmouth College. He was recruited by the CIA and sent to Northern Ireland and met the CIA/P-IRA co-operative Green Fire (Christian Bale) and then given the code-name Green Shadow. Isaac cared about the deep Protestant-Catholic deformity in Northern Ireland and was relieved he got a break from the pure madness of it all.

Christian Bale, an Irish-American who studied at Stanford University was recruited by the CIA and sent to Northern Ireland about 2 years before Isaac arrived to team up with him in troubled Belfast. Christian likewise looked forward to some break-time from his life of CIA/P-IRA intelligence and infilitration and Parliament mission work in the U.K.

Isaac and Christian headed to Boston where a commemorative Coronavirus quarantine-time game between the Boston Celtics and the LA Lakers (NBA) was to take place at the newly built TD Garden and bank center. The Celtics and Lakers would play each other in the indoor entertainment/consumerism arena which would be freshly sanitized for the special commemorative quarantine event highlighting the developed social securities for virus-time traffic. All the guests/patrons inside the TD Garden center on game-day would be screened and sanitized before being allowed to enjoy the game itself. Everyone's temperature would also be taken to check for fevers with disposable thermometers. This was excellent Boston hospitality and something of a one-time wonderland event!

Isaac and Christian both respected the U.S. city of Boston, home of Harvard University and the square in which people drank coffee and played chess in the afternoons. As graduates of Dartmouth and Stanford, they were familiar with the aura of school-campus locations in America (New Hampshire, California) and therefore viewed Boston as a symbolic school-city of great populism flair and symbolism.

The TD Garden center offered great consumerism centers, eateries, an arcade, the actual Celtics basketball arena/stadium area, and of course a very large and impressive TD company Bank which held over $45 million in cash and private treasures kept there by wealthy Boston residents. 

ISAAC: Man, it's nice being away from Belfast!
CHRISTIAN: The troubles there speak to a modern hellmouth.
ISAAC: This Celtics game at the bank company center should be awesome.
CHRISTIAN: It's an impressive sanitized Coronavirus event.
ISAAC: I'm still feeling antsy about all the Belfast blackness!
CHRISTIAN: I know; I feel the need to do something...crazy.
ISAAC: Christian, let's rob the bank during the Celtics game.
CHRISTIAN: Are you crazy?
ISAAC: Seriously; we can use the money for funding back in Belfast.
CHRISTIAN: You mean, foot the bill to Uncle Sam?
ISAAC: The government knows the insured money is from Boston aristocrats.
CHRISTIAN: Oh, so it's like actually 'socially laundered' money.
ISAAC: I guarantee the government would appreciate this form of missionary acumen.
CHRISTIAN: You just can't get away from Belfast hellfire no matter where you go!
ISAAC: That's because of who exactly has the diamonds to be a part of all the Belfast daggers!

As the Celtics-Lakers game at the TD Garden and bank center in Boston (Massachusetts) proceeded, crowds cheered as the home-team nursed an exciting but close 55-50 lead as halftime approached. Isaac and Christian headed to the restroom right by the actual TD bank in the TD Garden center and prepared their careful and daring 'insured' and 'laundered' heist for a little Belfast politics lettering during the glittering Boston event during Coronavirus-time.

The TD Garden center interior was nothing less than a carnival of consumerism. There was handsome traffic which would be greatly elevated during halftime. There may be bank visitors patrons during the halftime show. Isaac and Christian decided to prepare for this condition of traffic as halftime approached.

The TD Garden center bank itself was immaculate. There was glass and marble and trained professional personnel. Isaac and Christian went to the restroom right by the bank itself and carefully put on their ski-masks. When they entered the bank carrying hand-guns hidden in the restroom one day prior to game-day, they knew they had about 10 minutes to perform the robbery before police arrived during the game halftime show.

Isaac and Christian commanded the bank personnel to take them to the vault after tying up the security guard and cracking the security-camera. They entered the vault and took about $25 million in cash and diamonds and put it in a bag provided by the bank personnel.

Isaac and Christian then ran out of the bank after removing their masks, carrying their bag of treasure. When they exited the TD Garden to hail a cab, they noticed a pair of gorgeous redheads trying to hail a cab on the street right near where they were standing!

Isaac and Christian offered to share a cab with the gorgeous redhead twins who happened to be Irish and introduced themselves as Shelbye and Martha Collins. The young women agreed to share a cab.

The quartet headed to the hotel suite of Shelbye and Martha who were visiting Boston as tourists. They made love, with Isaac and Christian falling for Shelbye and Martha (respectively!). They then ordered hot Irish potato soup to be delivered to the girls' hotel suite.

Isaac and Christian then said farewell to their temporary gorgeous Irish-American lovers and headed to the airport where they carried their treasure in a private rented jet to British Columbia. When they arrived there, they decided to attend a private circus-performer group show at the private mansion of a wealthy Canadian aristocrat. When the aristocrat asked the two conspicuous young men (Isaac/Christian) what brought them to B.C. (Canada) for the private circus-performance, the two buddies told him, "We're here for the ordered beauty!"

Isaac and Christian ended up giving $15 million of their stolen treasure to the CIA/P-IRA cause and then keeping $10 million for themselves. They resolved to someday find Shelbye and Martha Collins again, after all their Belfast madness mission was complete in the U.K. They hoped that love was in their future and not an endless Protestant-Catholic depression.

GREEN ARROW: It's my belief that Isaac Satan and Christian Bale are new era missionaries working to deliver us a special brand of dioramic musketeer intelligence. Let's hope they democratize the luck of the Irish!

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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)