Meter Maid: Chicago Diamonds!

Narrated dramedy about a Chicago diamond-thief in blood-diamond diarism caught in a special 'meter-maid' drawing.

A blood-diamond heist fairy-tale about an unsuspecting but fortunate Chicago meter-maid (Parking Enforcement Officer), inspired by the dream-dotty film A Fish Called Wanda. Enjoy!, 

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My name's Isaac Satan. I was born in Algeria to Algerian parents but moved to America to study at U-Chicago, psychology and literature! Chicago is my home now, and I'm a diamond-thief, stealing blood-diamonds smuggled into North America by Euro-barons linked to warlords in South Africa using gem-mining to finance terrorism and corrupting the global diamond market. I consider myself a Robin Hood of diamonds, and I steal from these fat-cats and give to the poor diamond merchant! Chicago is my home.

INTERPOL: Blood diamond traffic in North America stemming from Africa/Europe threatens the gem-market today!

I've robbed over 30 banks, all over the great USA, mostly safe-boxes holding these smuggled blood-diamond stored in American banks by Euro-barons linked to African warlord-mining activity investigated now well by Interpol! Interpol I believe considers me some kind of pesky Robin Hood character subverting the social aura of these barons/warlords in the Western world, though they hope such activity will just inspire more police vigilance at these sensitive banks unwittingly doing business with these blood-diamond pirates!

So the latest safe-box in a bank I robbed belonging to a corrupt Euro-baron linked to blood-diamond traffic is in, you guessed it, my beloved home-city of Chicago. The $10 million Antwerp blood-diamonds I lifted generated leads for Interpol regarding tracks of Euro-baron/warlord highways in Chicago and LA, since the media buzz created a paper-trail on their funds linked to the underworld, which is where I obtained the info regarding their storage. The media-buzz inspired some traditional Chicago heist Christmastime comics in the Chicago Sun!

My name's Isaac Satan, but I go by my Robin Hood 'alias' Sparrow. My fans in the underworld and fans in the diamond market call me the terrific Sparrow! They know I'm an ace diamond-thief, but I'm not a pirate of any kind but rather a real-life vigilante of sorts, and I love comic books!

I stole the Antwerp gems from the Chicago Bank using a water-pistol loaded with HCL acid! I explained to the manager/guardsman who escorted me to the safe-box area of the vault-room thinking I was a outfitted Saudi investor seeking to deposit my own (fake) gems alongside the safe-box of the Euro-baron who'd become quite well-known despite his infamy regarding his rumored ties to African blood-diamond traffic linked to North American banks. When I revealed my special novelty toy water-gun would be used to pry open the baron's safe-box for a Facebook photo of his gems, they began playing with my gun, thinking this was all some kind of media event, and while distracted, I swapped the baron's stones for the fakes I brought! Wow!

However, when I was walking out the Chicago Bank with the Antwerp diamonds stored in the slide-out panel hidden in the sole of my shoe, I ran into a gorgeous Chicago meter-maid (female parking enforcement officer) named Valerie. I was hypnotized and started taking iPhone photos of her. I texted her one of these photos and kissed her before taking off from the area!

Turns out this meter-maid was an undercover Chicago policewoman doing a stakeout of the bank I robbed, since the Euro-baron's Antwerp gems and surrounding gossip had generated quite a police stir. She wanted to see what kinds of 'funny characters' were trafficking the bank area since these rumors came to light. It was she who led the police to me eventually! Wow!

ISAAC/SPARROW: I'm almost grateful you caught me, miss.

VALERIE: I'm a cop, and your vigilante deed was no circus-fun, Sparrow!

SPARROW: You gotta admit...I had a certain toy-like charm in Chicago, miss.

VALERIE: Nah, you just have a purple crush on me, Sparrow!

In prison, I order and read GI Joe comics in the in-house library, and I consider this my special pastime for celebrating my love of patriotism and anti-terrorism in comics. GI Joe comics are my favorite, and my favorite super-hero is Snake-Eyes, a helmeted vigilante-like ninja-patriot who destroys forms of terrorism infiltration in North America on behalf of the secret/underground paramilitary unit! Wow!

While in prison, I noted that a strange underground current of 'catharsis crimes' began in Chicago. This crime-spree was called the Purge, since criminals were expressing the frustrating desire to take the law into their own hands and clean up their own cherished Chicago. I prayed to God I wasn't the inspiration for such modern urban anarchy! However, this was excellent prison-house TV for me!

WARDEN: We gave 'Sparrow' (Isaac Satan) these nifty bowling-shoes to wear around, since he's exhibiting great obedience!

I had a rather eerie dream the other night in jail, during which I was visited by the metaphysical underworld 'spirit' of the great and ominous Devil's Advocate known simply and frighteningly as the Red Dragon!

SPARROW: Why'd you trouble me, great spirit of the dragon?
RED DRAGON: Why not?
SPARROW: I'm just a lowly Robin Hood thief reading comics in prison now!
RED DRAGON: You're more than that, Sparrow!
SPARROW: What'd you mean, Red Dragon?
RED DRAGON: I mean, you're a real-life modern-day Chicago vigilante.
SPARROW: I'm no Eliot Ness, Red Dragon.
RED DRAGON: Yes, but you've generated comparable media stir about blood-diamond corruptions!
SPARROW: It's all the Purge now in Chicago, Red Dragon, and I'm out.
RED DRAGON: I know that, but you've made a stamp on modern urban vigilantism, dude!
SPARROW: Look, I was apprehended by a meter-maid outside the bank who hypnotized me.
RED DRAGON: Valerie?
SPARROW: You know her, Red Dragon?
RED DRAGON: Of course!
SPARROW: She was lovely, I have to confess.
RED DRAGON: It was your iPhone that gave you away, Sparrow.
SPARROW: Hopefully, they won't associate me with this Purge activity in Chicago!
RED DRAGON: No, they won't.
SPARROW: Why not?
RED DRAGON: You're just a comic book nut.

SPARROW: What's your point, Red Dragon?
RED DRAGON: This is only a funny story about misdirected love in Chicago, dude!

SPARROW: I'll always love Valerie, my meter-maid.

RED DRAGON: May Chicago be spread with such breaks in this time of great diamond darkness.

SPARROW: This is a dollar-dream.

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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)