Hockey-Piracy: American Drink!

A Story by Abishai100

A real modern pirate decides to invade an evil baron's mansion and attempt to lift a valuable ice-hockey doll.

Another blood-diamond yarn, inspired by The Good Thief.

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In an incredible LA mansion lived a corrupt fat Euro-baron named Goldfinger, a man whose blood-diamond empire made him a modern-day Al Capone. Goldfinger collected many capitalism treasures, such as Swiss gold, German war antiques, and American land deeds.

GOLDFINGER: My empire's a toast to the general flair of capitalism-hightails!

However, Goldfinger's most prized possession was a personally uniquely signed Tavares NY Islanders rookie-card. Now, we all know Tavares is the iconic superstar of the ice-hockey team the Islanders. Goldfinger's kept Tavares' special rookie card embossed in this protective glass-box in his LA mansion.

GOLDFINGER: I believe this ice-hockey card will someday be worth over $10 million!

Goldfinger also kept in his LA mansion safe-box a $20 million sapphire he collected during his Euro-financing ventures in underground terrorism linked to the evil organization Cobra. Yes folks, Goldfinger's a real collector of hypnotizing treasures and items in civilization!

INTERPOL: Blood-diamond traffic threatens modern gem market integrity, and we're tracking Goldfinger from HQ.

Goldfinger's about to be challenged by a special Algerian-American named Amlan Satan, a man descended from real old-world pirates of the seas. Satan often celebrates his pirate-heritage and likes to dress up and make himself look like an actual modern-day real-life pirate, wearing pirate-distinctive clothing and dress.

SATAN: I'll be taking this special toy-gun to Goldfinger's mansion, but I'm filling it with corrosive acid.

Satan shows up at Goldfinger's door and explains to his answering bodyguard he's a Saudi investor with special toy robot-guns from the East said to be worth millions in the criminal underground, since modern fat-cats like buying these items for their kids. The bodyguard asks Goldfinger if he wishes to take a look at these toy-guns from the 'criminal underground' brought here by this strange Saudi investor-businessman named 'Ahmed' and Goldfinger consents to the invitation and lets him inside his mansion. 'Ahmed' (Amlan Satan) is in a distinctive Saudi costume.

AHMED (Satan): I drove here in a classic Beetle.

GOLDFINGER: You have unusual/special taste, Ahmed.

AHMED: My underground guns are worth much!
GOLDFINGER: Let me take a look at that silver Megatron gun.

AHMED: That's the prized one, and I'll sell it to you for cheap if you reciprocate!
GOLDFINGER: Reciprocate, Ahmed?
AHMED: Yes, baron, you must let me take a look at your Tavares card in glass-box!

GOLDFINGER: So, you read my Esquire interview in which I boast about that card?

AHMED: Indeed, and it's why I sped here in my Beetle.

Goldfinger reluctantly lets Ahmed into the room of his LA mansion where his prized signed unique Tavares ice-hockey card sits in a protective glass-box. However, first Ahmed convinces the two to get really drunk and while drinking slips a hallucinogen into Goldfinger's vodka. When inside the Tavares glass-box card room in the mansion, Goldfinger starts seeing double and has to lay down on the nearby bed, giving Ahmed enough time to outwit the fat-cat.

Ahmed (Satan) switches Goldfinger's Tavares card with a replica signed but not personally-signed ice-hockey card by burning a lid slit with his acid-gun and then using gel to reseal the open lid. He then makes it back to his Providence apartment on the East and emails Goldfinger, "Did you ever sell that Tavares card?" to which he's sure Goldfinger will reply, "No," giving Satan enough security to retire in his Providence home.

Amlan Satan, the real-life modern pirate, decides to buy a small blue-bird sculpture and keeps it on his windowsill and spends summer sunsets daydreaming and chatting with the bird, naming it Nightingale and thinking how a little piracy-design created some desirable anti-fascist daylight.