Roman Bank Robbery

A strange video-game developer narrates this bank-robbery tale set in Rome.

A bank robbery set in Rome. Why not, right? 

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Rome (Italy) is a classic city in Europe and the sight of our bank-robbery folk-tale.

I've been developing bank-robbery video-games for some time now, creating orientations of great adventure mobilization to encourage youngsters to think about the contours between capitalism critique and undesirable terrorism.

My name's Amlan Satan, and I'm an Algerian-American Ivy League graduate and professional bank-robbery video-game developer in Rome (Italy). I'm bored. I'm now seeking to perform an actual bank robbery in Rome using a disguise.

I'm going to steal $20 million diamonds from a Roman bank in the summertime.

So, I walk into the bank in Rome with this toy-rifle filled with corrosive acid and explain to the manager/guardsman that I seek to deposit diamonds in the safe-box of the vault-room which are actually fake gems.

The Banca D'Italia is a very fine bank in Rome (Italy), which is why I chose it to escape my life of virtual-reality (video-games)!

The bank manager and guardsman escort me into the safe-box room, and I take photos of the immaculate lobby of the bank before we go to the safe-box area of the vault-room together!

MANAGER: How'd you get here (to the bank), sir?

ME: I rode the Rome metro-train.

My costume is what gets the interest of the bank manager. I tell him I'm part of a Roman theater-group performing a city street-performance about diamond wealth in Europe. I also use toy props like water-rifles like the one I'm holding in my hand and seek to deposit my circus-company's personal diamonds (fakes!) in the bank's safe-box.

I'm taken inside the vault-room and begin to deposit the fake diamonds I brought after which I reveal to the escorting manager/guardsman inside the vault-room that my water-rifle is filled with corrosive acid! They ask me what I intend to do, and I explain that I'm extracting the $20 million diamonds in the safe-box of the Euro-baron Emil Kuyt who's my rival, and I'm from an Interpol-relations group studying his work with blood-diamond smuggling.

MANAGER: So, you're some kind of intelligence-infiltration expert?

ME: Yes, sir, and don't leak this infiltration secret to the press!

MANAGER: What're we to tell Baron Kuyt?
ME: Tell him, "An Interpol specter sought your safe-box holdings for media-dialogue."

MANAGER: You're a rather odd and theatrical Roman fellow!

ME: Don't worry about me, I have a woman, and she'll guide me to a sane life someday.

MANAGER: God bless Interpol...and you, sir!

I take my girlfriend to a Roman restaurant after the successful heist, and she asks me, "So, you're happy with your video-game work with bank-robbery?" and I whisper to her, "I found something more delicious."

Do you think I should've just kept developing bank-robbery video-games instead of seeking this unusual Roman adventure? Meanwhile, my diamond-heist has succeeded in creating strange media focus on Baron Kuyt's activities, leading Interpol-relations to special Roman blood-diamond traffic...and danger.

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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)