Shirt Envy

Shirt Envy

A Stage Play by Jeffrey Crawford
"

Have you ever really liked someone's shirt? This guy has too. Too much, that is.

"

(Man#2 is sitting at one side of a bench waiting for the bus. There is no one else around. Man#1 enters and sits on the other side of the bench.)

Man#1

Hey. I like your shirt.

Man#2

Oh, thanks. I just got it at the Gap.

Man#1

Actually, I would say I love that shirt. It looks amazing.

Man#2

Well, thank you, I thought so.

Man#1

I know so. I have seen a lot of shirts today and none of them even compare to what you’re wearing now.

Man#2

You are just too nice. Thank you so much.

Man#1

I’m not just being nice, I am completely honest. In fact, I would say that is the best shirt I have ever seen.

Man#2

Oh, stop. You are just too much.

Man#1

No! That shirt is too much. I would wager that no other cloth in history compares in any way to the greatness that is that shirt.

Man#2

Okay, wow. I am just running out of way to say thank you.

Man#1

Then don’t! I should be thanking you.

Man#2

Oh.

Man#1

I now have greater purpose in life.

Man#2

Really?

Man#1

Yes! Within that complex weave upon your chest I see the beauty of life in an ultimately ugly world.

Man#2

I was going for summer colors, but that works too.

Man#1

I may never work again. Today I have witnessed beauty beyond my wildest imagining.

Man#2

Woah, let’s not be hasty. It’s just a shirt.

Man#1

Just a shirt.

Man#2

Yeah, just a shirt.

Man#1

I don’t think you fully understand how much I love that shirt.

Man#2

I’m getting an idea.

Man#1

That shirt has filled me with so much complex emotions that I don’t know whether I want to cry, hug you, run away, or punch you in the face.

Man#2

Running away sounds good.

Man#1

No! I have seen the light and day of a thousand universes. You can’t take that away.

Man#2

What?!

Man#1

I have expanded myself beyond normal restrictions of human thought!

Man#2

It’s just a shirt!

Man#1

The secret to eternity has been promised to me if I am the shirt’s one and true servant!

Man#2

 Fine! Whatever. Take it!

(Man#2 strips his shirt quickly and throws it at Man#1)

Man#1

You…are…giving me this shirt?

Man#2

Well, if you’ve been promised the secret to eternity or whatever, I really see no other choice!  It’s not like there were 50 others for 10 dollars each at the Gap! No! That would be insane.

(Man#1 punches Man#2 in the face)

Man#1

Oh, sorry. I meant to hug you.

Man#2

Argh!!!

(Man#2 angrily walks off stage to a different bus stop, or perhaps the police. Man#1 puts on the shirt and sits down on the bench. Man#3 enters and sits down at the bus stop.)

Man#3

Hey. I like your shirt.

Man#2

Oh, thanks. I just got it at the gap.

(Curtain.)

© 2012 Jeffrey Crawford


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Reviews

That was an entertaining read. I found myself smiling throughout the play but the ending was somewhat predictable. If your goal was to be mildly funny, you've achieved it. Good play.

Posted 5 Years Ago


That was really funny :-) I loved it :-)
I write plays too. I have my latest one featured on my profile if you want to read it. It's a comedy, but I doubt it's as funy as your shirt one :-)
~Julia

Posted 6 Years Ago



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262 Views
2 Reviews
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Added on August 5, 2012
Last Updated on August 5, 2012
Tags: Shirt, Envy, Gap, Love, Excess, Shirtless

Author

Jeffrey Crawford
Jeffrey Crawford

Pinole, CA



About
Hello. I prefer Jeff, to Jeffrey, a smile, to a frown, and frozen yogurt, to not frozen yogurt. I write in a scene format for the stage, but sometimes enjoy just letting myself go wild with short st.. more..

Writing
Pandamonium Pandamonium

A Stage Play by Jeffrey Crawford