Something was said

Inspired by a line from Rumi. Thank you Manthie

Something was whispered to the flowers,
To awaken them from the ground
To call them to rise towards the sun.

You must have known the words.
I think you always have,
For effortlessly, you've whispered them to me.

Reviews

[William Liston]

This definitely seems like a piece reading Rumi would inspire.
This poem's very soft and delicate in its smooth flow and gentle descriptions. I really enjoyed how the second stanza built on the first, and how the last line brought the whole piece together. Overall, well-crafted.

Criticism:

1.Though this is a stylistic choice, I suggest not capitalizing a line unless it begins a new sentence. To me, this improves the readability, especially in a free verse piece (like this) where the lines aren't as predictable (in comparison to structured poetry).

2. I think the punctuation could use improvement. Although it is (for the most part) grammitcally correct, I think you could have used more forms of punctuation (dashes and ellipsis, for example) to enhance the nuances of the piece.

With the above critiques in mind, the poem would read something like:

Something was whispered to the flowers
to awaken them from the ground
~ to call them to rise towards the sun ...

You must have known the words.
I think you always have,
for effortlessly, you've whispered them to me.


Of course, these critiques are quite subjective, so please, just take whatever advice resonates with you.

Happy writing.

- William Liston

[Alan G Stephens]

Thank you for reviewing my poem with useful critique.
On point one, now that you've highlighted it, I can see it clearly and yes I agree.
With point two, the nuances you suggest definitely make for a visually pleasing, more graceful read, lending to my intention for a softly spoken sentiment.

I shall take your suggestions on board with pleasure
I've learnt a great deal already in the few days since I joined this site. So again, thank you kindly *dips hat*

[Shweta]

Such a beautiful poem...!!!

[Alan G Stephens]

I'm happy that you liked it. Thank you

[Shweta]

U r most welcome

[Hebe]

Lovely ..... so fragile and delicate :)

[Alan G Stephens]

Thank you :)