The Setting

A Story by Poppy

It's filled with sorrow and heartbreak.

Chapter One

Him

The soft beating together of dragonfly wings could have been heard that morning. Sorrow hung over the town like a dark rain cloud. My bags shadowed parts of my face and hid the red marks that the tears had left the night before. My looks were not deceiving- I had not slept at all. How could I? The warmth of Rose's body had been lost. I looked across the bed and then nearly spoke. I stopped myself. If I spoke than I would cry and I mustn't cry- I had to hold it in for mum. All I wanted to do was be alone. I picked up my crumpled clothes from the floor and tried to straiten them out but the crinkles were stubborn and wouldn't budge. Rose's face was even worse than mine- at least I knew him- she was just two when it happened.

I stared down at my hair. It was plaited but I couldn't remember why- I was in a daze. I was thinking of the day.

I had been sat by the window, watching the rain slowly trickle down the glazed glass. My mother was sat in the corner... motionless- as if in a dreamless sleep. Her face was pale and she stared into the distance, like a devil sick of sin. I had so much hatred for her but I knew deep down that she still cared- or at least she wanted to. I would make her in the eat evening but a few mouthfuls wasn't enough to budge her ghostly colour and it was hurled up soon after it went down. I hated her not because she wouldn't look after me properly- I hated her for Rose because she didn't know how. My sister was to sweet and young to hate anyone.

The sound of the taps turning on downstairs awoke me from my daydream. I walked over to the window and stared outside. Frost patterns ran along the window sill, like tiny silk threads, spun by elegant hands. Signs were hung up all over town that said 'The Setting'. They said that day was named 'The Setting' because it set the scene for a new frame of mind where everyone helped each other- the day that Vinstown (my home town, also known as Old Norwich, due to the fact that that was it's old name- Norwich) became one. But for me it was just the day I lost my father. Forever. They all joined the army together and it was going really well- but then there was an explosion and no-one got away. It infuriated me that our country, Halbort (used to be England), could be so evil even though it was supposed to such a modern world- the year 501,123. Anyway, no-one began to help each other, we all had to fend for ourselves. I had my older brother Joe for a while and we helped each other get along- he hunted and I cooked. But he was sixteen then, and everyone who was aged sixteen to thirty had to sign up for the army, unless they were a coward and my brother was not a coward. It was the little bit of bravery that he sent home in his letters that kept us alive.

My train of thoughts ended there and I bent down to pick up the dark blue dress that was folded at the end of my bed. I struggled with my zip and eventually gave in to my grandma's offers for help. I didn't even know why she came. At first she came to help mum get through the weeks before and after but now she could handle it. I slipped my hair into my usual messy-bun. Gran hurried me along because we were supposed to be there soon. Everyone in the town was supposed to be in the town centre at 3:00pm but no-one ever was. First, they gave all the little kids a lolly pop as a kind of dummy to keep them quiet and stop them crying. Then the ones over ten could give a speech. Most of the kids just end up in tears though and have to get their mums to read it for them. That year, I tried to write one but I couldn't find the right words- it was all such a blur to my confused ten year old and it happened what was then six years earlier.

When we finally got to the ceremony, it was 3:22pm. A few dirty looks were flashed in our direction but we apologised and took our seats. I stared across the square. We each received a medal every year. I guess it helped some kids but I always threw mine away so it didn't make me upset. I dreaded my name being called out. When it was said, I didn't see myself- I only saw my father lying dead on the floor. To me, there was no difference between

'Katelyn Wooder' and 'John Wooder'. We were both just as dead, or at least dying. 'David Menen' I heard. My mind couldn't recollect any past meetings. I looked over to the stage. My heart stopped. The memories came flooding back. The darkness of my past began to overwhelm me.

The wind battered against my blistered skin. I stumbled over the cobbles, as the rain combined with my tears. The cold was bitter and piercing. I felt my feet collapse under me, as my body hit the solid concrete surface. I hadn't eaten for weeks, after concentrating so much on bringing my mother back to health. My eyes hurt from lack of sleep, yet I daren't close them, in a fear that they would never again open. I felt a hand touch my shoulder. My attempt to turn was futile. A calming voice met my ears.

“Don't worry. I'm here now.”

“Who... who are you?” I stuttered, both my mind and my voice trembling.

“It's David. From school. I'll go get help”

“No! No,” I started. “Please. Just stay with me.”

And he did. His arms held me and we warmed each other. But he warmed more than just my body- he warmed my sole... my heart. For hours we stayed that way, holding each other, embracing each others heat.

Ice cold tears awoke me from my trance, as they trickled down my cheeks. Before I could tell them to stop, my legs carried me of to the woods that had so often offered me salvation. My feet sank into the mud and I felt it work its way up my shoes.

When I was out of sight, I stopped running and went into a steady jog. Suddenly, I took a double take. An old man was sat to my left. My curiosity took over me and I stopped to observe him.

Wispy as the moss above him, a wreath of pale, white hair surrounded his bald head. The tiny amount of daylight that could get through the cracks in the log reflected off of his bare scalp however, was trapped once it got back to the roof. The shadowing wrinkles next to his eyes and just above his eyebrows were as deep as the marks in the bark of the trees that stood around me. Everything about him suggested that he was poor: the rags that seemed glued to his shoulders, the dark, dirty, elf-like shoes and even the manner in which he presented himself, squatting beneath the brim of the log and picking at the mould that grew inside his small shelter. His skinny fingers stroked his long, pearly beard. In his eyes there was kindness, yet a great amount of sorrow. I could tell that it wasn’t always that way… he was happy at a time. He stared at me for a few moments, before turning and walking deeper into his hideaway- it was only then that I spotted the golden pocket watch that was tucked away inside his pocket. I had not before heard its relatively noisy ticking, due to the rustling of the leaves way above me.

As I walked away, the sound of his voice met my ears for the first time. It was neither low or high- just kind. There's simply no other way to describe it.

“Wait!” he called to me. I stopped, but didn't turn. 'Why would he want me to come back?' I turned around and walked towards him, slowly at first, however I sped up with my confidence.

He beckoned me inwards. I sat down, carefully minding the mould that grew below me. The sunlight came creeping in and illuminated our rough and tired skin. He held my hand and I held his. The texture of his palms reminded me of my own father.

“I had a little girl once you know. She was just like you- just as precise, just as beautiful,” he finally spoke.

His voice had become less harsh and tears had begun to appear in his eyes. I swallowed and tried to speak.

“You reminded me of my father. He was a good man who was killed by evil.”and I began to look up. We both had lost someone. Our eyes met. The solemn that I felt was clearly shared with him. It was just too much.

I began to walk away.

“I do help we should meet again!” he called out to me. I wanted to see him again so much but I knew that if I looked at him I would well up and I could not afford that. If I cried than so would Rose and then mum would too and I couldn't have that. I held it back, longing to see his features that had just reminded me so much of my father that I could almost feel the warmth of his body and his beating in his chest, as he pressed it against mine. Snow drops grew on either side of the muddy tracks. They reminded me of the times my father had picked them on the way home from work and presented them to my mother as a gift. It wasn't much; we couldn't afford much, but to my mother, it was the world. Her face would light up, just the way it always did when she was with him... that was before he was taken away. By the government. By the Prime Minister. By Mr.Svener. His face was treated with anger in my mind, as it filled my vision. The only glimpse I had ever caught of him was a sinister smile- some kind of disgusting emotion, not felt by anyone but him, as it slithered across his face. His eyes, unforgiving and icy-cold, were as grey as a sludge that was on the verge of melting away. It was surely impossible for a man like him to feel joy in anything but the death of others. The stench of poison always seemed to follow him everywhere he went. I carried on for a while, trying to slowly release my pain, but then stopped for a rest. I bit into a ripe blackberry and the flavour spread across my tongue before, its juices warmed my veins and reminded me of the summers I used to spend with my father.

The half of the berry I hadn't already eaten dropped out of my hands and rolled onto the floor. Anger kicked in and my conscience flew away.

“You had no right!” I screamed out. “How could you do this. Why? You don't even know me. How could you follow me?” the words just flowed out off of my tongue. I didn't even know David. Why did he follow me?

My hands reached out, forcing him to the ground, before I could stop them and his hands became red. Skin peeled away from them and my guilt crept in like a spider.

“I'm sorry-I,”

“It's fine. I mean, well- I get it,” I was relieved that he wasn't annoyed and I began to relax a little. “ I came because your mum told me to... and when I saw you and that old man- I thought it was really sweet. I know I shouldn't have but I couldn't help myself.”

“Even?” I reached out my hand. He shook it and repeated my words, mimicking my tone.

We began to walk onwards together. His hair shone in the fingers of sunlight that broke through the trees. Small talk was hard on such an emotional day. The subject of my sister seemed to pop up most. Everyone liked Rose. How could they not? Her sweet face, her longing looks that gazed up at me. Even Emma, the butcher, who was practically a witch, liked her enough to throw in a few herbs in trade for my brothers meat on particularly bad days. I was surprised at how much attention he had paid to both mine and my family's life- the classes I had attended to get extra credit, the days that I had spent wandering around the streets, cold, shivering, barely able to move, wondering if I had enough energy to get home before I collapse. I had finally begun to fully relax.

CABOOM! An array of orange light filled the sky. Electric blues and emerald greens soon followed. Clatter was tossed up in the air and my heart pounded in my chest. Without my orders, my legs carried me franticly towards the shrill cries and shouting. An ear piercing scream left my mouth. All I could register at that moment was the blood dripping from my mother's lungs and the shock that overcame me. Then my sister's face came into view. It said:what do we do now? The truth is, I didn't know at all.

“No! Mum!” I screamed but she was already being taken away. The last image my mind could piece together of my mother was her hand reaching out to me. Her mouth was moving but I'll never know what she was saying.

Chapter 2

Wearing Black

My fingers traced the black material of my dress and I knew at that moment that she was not coming back. We couldn't afford to have a funeral for each family so we all had one big one. The children who survived would then be shipped off to London, to live with another family until matters back at home were corrected. Originally, we were supposed to go with our siblings but that didn't work out. I saw the sorrow envelope Rose as she realised that I may never see her again. The funeral was harsh, trying desperately to stay under budget. I didn't want to go to London in black but I was whisked off as soon as possible.

The train was simple, no more than our average tram that runs through the town. We ate a meal of lentils and then went to bed. Freda Cornsmith- the most sickly happy rainbow woman in the world. Her nock at my door turned my sadness into a deadly fury. It turned it into an anger to why I was here-the cruelty of our country and how it had changed across the 31^st century. I grabbed a cushion and threw it on the floor. The sound of shattering glass pulled me in to take a closer look. There, I saw a camera. I clenched my fists, in attempt to minimise my frustration, as a thought overcame me. I stormed out of the room, nearly lodging the door right into Freda's face. Cameras and microphones were shoved in my face, just as the whole situation had been. I stormed into the lounging area and slammed the door hard.

“Why was there a camera in my room?” I screamed, forcing Freda to turn her attention to me.

“Ah...I see I have some explaining to do. You see... you...and David... have been chosen...to have your journey televised. Isn't it wonderful?”

No it's not wonderful, I thought. It's an utter invasion of my privacy and why would I love this? I must have mumbled this instead of thought this, as Freda's look of disapproval told me all I needed to know.

I stormed into the dining room and filled my plate with luxurious and rich stews and rice. I did not eat it though. My fork just prodded it throughout the meal. A deadly silence was obtained, until Freda had to go break it.

“Well, are we all excited?” she knew we weren't. “Better get some sleep- eh?” this was not a question. I sniffed up. I nodded before turning to David.

“Yeah David. She's right- we'd better get some sleep.”

Me and David shared a carage, as we would go to the same house, once we got to London. I was originally going to the same house a Rose but that didn't work out. On the way to my room, his hand touched my shoulder and he turned me so I was facing him.

“Play it cool for me. OK?” I avoided eye contact. “Katelyn!” His voice had become more firm. “Promise me!”

“OK,” I said as calmly as possible.

“I hate them as much as you do but their brutal. We can't afford to loose it- not with our families back at home.” He was right but no way was I going to tell him that.

I pushed him away and went to my room. To my surprise, I made it all the way to my room before the tears began to flow. They streamed down my face and left red marks all the way down my cheeks. No matter how hard I tried, my face was staying red. The only person who might have cared was Freda and I couldn't have wanted to annoy her more. Then there's David. I didn't really know if I cared about what he thought- or if I care about him full-stop. I'd never really noticed him until the day in the woods- apart from when he got the medal. Eventually I just lay in bed. I'm certain I would have cried if I had enough energy left in me. The walls seemed to grow taller around me and begin to close in. I must have fallen asleep after that, because when I woke, the sun was shining through the window. My cheeks had cleared of colour, due to a lack of food and water, so I dressed myself in a blue t-shirt, jeans and tied my golden-blonde hair back in a messy-bun, before heading to the cafe car.

The sight of David and Freda making idol chit-chat and smiling at each other made me sick to my stomach. Somehow, she had managed to convinced him that she wasn't quite as fake as the rest of them. The candyfloss wigs and bright blue eyeshadow- all fake. I sat down with them and pretended to like them.“Want anything to eat you two?”Freda's voice was an ear piercingly high-pitched tone. We both shook our heads.

Chapter 3

The Arrival

London was neither beautiful nor ugly. It was just large. The buildings were modern and slick, like high-tech machines. I looked around to try and find David. He seemed completely over wellmed, his mouth wide open half in shock and half in admiration. 'Admiration?' I thought. 'How could he possibly admire these people? The people who ruin our lives on a daily basis. Yes- a Clark's son is better fed than someone like me. But it doesn't stop him from hating them- he told me himself.' I decided to stop thinking about it. The train grinded to a halt, jolting me sideways. As soon as the doors opened, I was whisked away by a couple of men. I thought of Rose's face- so scared and worried. I screamed for her but my throat was too sore from crying to go on for long and eventually I just whimpered her name quietly. Soon, the car that I had been put in began to slow down as we approached a tall but thin building. I was shoved out of the car and onto the road. As soon as I was out of the way, the car drove away. I was about to knock on the door when I heard footsteps. Two giant green eyes stared down at me and locked onto my face.

“Come in,” his voice was like a snake. It sent a shudder down my spine. My footsteps echoed throughout the house.

“Follow me. I will show you your living quarters.” he strode towards a glass lift and pressed a couple of buttons.

Suddenly, I was shot up in the air as if I had jets attached to my feet.

“Here is your room. I hope you find it... satisfactory,” and with that, he was gone.

I lay on the floor, hoping that it would just eat me up so I wouldn't have to face David. I stroked the fabric of my work clothes. It was only then when I realised that he was running his fingers through my hair.

“What are you doing?” I snapped at him. He stumbled backwards.

“Your hair is beautiful. It reminded me of my mother's.”

“Sorry. I was just surprised,” I told him. he settled down about half a metre away from me.

“So what do you think. You know- of this place?”

“It's big” I said. He laughed at my remark, as if I was completely stupid.

“Is that all? It's big?” I nodded and began to stand up. We dressed into our work clothes in silence. There was a knock at the door.

“The Master is ready for you.” Slowly, we made our way downstairs.

“You are to be seen and not heard. Your job will be to clean the floors. We only use eco- friendly products. You will start on the stairs as soon as you are dismissed. Is everything clear?” We nodded.

“Dismissed.”

We began work straight away. Tirelessly, scrubbing away. Many times, I held onto the sponge as tightly as possible, as I re-lived my mothers death over and over again. The orange light that filled the sky, Rose's face, my mothers hand reaching out to me- it was torture. The floor boards were beautiful, blue and green and red patterns engraved into the oak. The spirals spun around me and were almost dizzying. Hunger overtook me, ripping my stomach apart and eating me up. Hours passed and my hunger got deeper. Hunger was now joined by longing- longing for somebody that couldn't possibly long for me. My brain was racked for reasons why I longed for him so much, but no explanation was found. A sickness hurt my sole and I couldn't go on.

It carried on like this for months- my mind and body being relentlessly tortured all night and all day. My dreams were filled with sorrow and heartache, occasionally featuring my encounter with the old man in the woods, leaving me filled with both an incredible amount of joy, yet an inconsolable devastation that ate away at me. It carried on killing me until the day when everything stopped.

All I could think was 'I wonder which floor board I'll collapse onto when I faint' that day. But I didn't faint. Eventually it was exhaustion that overtook me. I simply fell down in a heap. I was awoken just moments before being carried away.

“David!” I screamed, reaching out for him. He nodded in reassurance and before I could nod back at him, I was out for the count.

I awoke in a hospital bed, surrounded by machines and chemicals.

“What? Where am I?” Sitting up sent a dizziness swirling around me.

“Easy does it. Don't fret.” David's voice was somewhat calming and I lay back down.

“Look-David before I go-”

“Your not going to die Katelyn.”

“Yeah- but if I do-”

“Shh,” he presses his finger against my lips. “I care about you and I'm not 'gonna let anything happen to you.” He reached into his pocket, closing his eyes as he did. When opened his fist, a beautiful glass, white rose appeared. He held it between his thumb and index finger and stared at it for a couple of seconds, before looking back at me.

“As long as this rose doesn't shatter, I'm never gonna' leave you. OK?” He opened my hand and placed the rose in my hand. At closer inspection, I noticed the pink tinge to the edges of the petals. I nodded my head in answer to him and adjusted my position, before settling down again. As I stared up at his blue eyes I really did think I was going to die- if not from exhaustion then from starvation. I almost believed him but then I felt a surge of pain and fell unconscious.

For the little time I was awake over the next few days, he was there to comfort me and rock me back to sleep- to let me know that I would be alright. But then the day came when I was better and I could think again- about what he had said to me that day before I fainted. Luckily, I was taken back to the house at noon and ordered to start work straight away, so I didn't have too long to thing about it.

The work was hard, but the pain-killers that I had taken in the morning helped a little. We worked for 3 hours, before being allowed to go downstairs and eat the leftovers from the family's meal. We remained silent until we were certain that the rest of them were gone.

David began the dreaded conversation, “About what I said the other day-”

“I don't want to talk about it- OK?” The only sound throughout the rest of the meal was the clinking of knives and forks. I walked towards the door.

“Wait,” David reached for my arm but I pulled it away.

“I just want to get to sleep.” I slumped up the stairs and into my room. It was only then when I noticed that there was no bed. I changed into my night-clothes and pulled my clothes up over my head. I didn't want to see him. Not yet. How could I even look at him?

My dreams were invaded by deadly nightmares. The wind battering against my arms. All alone in a cold, wet tu-rain. But the worst thing was the old man. The man I had met in the woods that day. I imagined him as my father- us playing in the stream and picking berries in the woods, only before the beauty of the dream turns toxic. The lake turned to blood and the woods turned to disgusting people that repulsed me. I awoke screaming... yelling for help. I steadied my breathing and lay back down. I stared up at the ceiling. Its plainness kept bad thoughts from entering my mind. Tears trickled down my cheeks. I wiped them away and. went got dressed for early morning work.

“David,” I whispered repetitively, getting louder each time. Eventually, he woke up. He reached up and touched my face. I gazed down at him, not even realising. I sat there, still and happy, as a warm feeling built up inside of me. His hand was cool against my hot cheeks. Suddenly, I remembered what he had said to me.

“Alright sleepy head. Time to get up.” I stood up and stretched.

As I walked out of the room, he grabbed my arm. He touched my cheek gently. At first I resisted, but eventually I leaned in. His lips softly press against mine. A warm feeling built up inside me and spread through my veins. The sweetness and innocence of it gave me a beautiful fuzz. After a couple of seconds, we pulled away. We smiled at each other and I walked away. The connection was still there. Throughout the day we looked at each other, longing to talk. Talking was forbidden. Mealtime had been cancelled that day so we went straight to our room.

Under the candle light, the dark bags under David's eyes looked like bruises. The nightmares came again. The flashbacks and the blood curdling scenarios. But this time I didn't clutch to my clothes... I clutched to David's arms, as they wrapped around me and filled me with a love that I hadn't felt since the morning of the setting, when I first met that man in the woods. When I awoke in the middle of the night, he was there to comfort me- rock me back to sleep, and even kiss me when necessary The smell of home in his clothes comforted me.

“You won't leave me will you?” I asked, like a five year old, being rocked back to sleep.

“Never.”

I snuggled into his arms and fell back to sleep, keeping the smile on my face, which had earlier formed.

Chapter 4

Deja-vu

Red light awoke me from my slumber. White sparks flashed all around me and burned my ankles. Smoke surrounded me and threatened to take away my oxygen.

“David! David!” my throat felt as if it was being ripped out. Tears streamed down my face and an over-wellming amount of fear enveloped me. Through the smoke could I finally make out his silhouette.

“Run!” he screamed, his voice desperate and angry. He grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the door. I stumbled after him, down the stairs and along the hallway. My heart pounded in my chest, as I flew down the staircase. The smoke fumbled my thoughts, however one remained prominent: what if I lose him? What if David can't take it?. The thought wouldn't budge. Tears streamed down my cheeks and filled my eyes. A lump appeared in my throat, however it wasn't the crying kind- it was the only food I had eaten for weeks. Vomit spilled out of my mouth and ripped at my jaw, before leaving behind the brutal acid that it carried with it. My mouth burned and I let out a scream.

“It's gonna be OK,” the sound of David's voice nearly brought me a smile. The door slammed behind us, as we fled from the building. A great orange light arose from the roof. The memories of my mother's death became to much and I collapsed in a heap. My eyes fluttered to a close.

I awoke in darkness. The smell of smoke had disappeared and my mind had cleared mostly. The slight hum of a train rattled in the background. I stretched and felt a silk cushion. My eyes opened. I was on a train. I rushed to the window. It was the same train that I arrived on. I was going home!

The smell of home filled my nostrils- the beauty of the flowers that grew in the woods that was invaded slightly by explosives. The rubble of what once was my home surrounded me. As the train approached the platform, my whole world was turned upside-down. The woods were gone. Totally obliterated. Shrieks left my mouth, as I banged relentlessly on the window, demanding an answer of why it was gone. 'The old man in the woods- is he gone too?' I thought. I carried on screaming, yet now I wasn't saying anything. I felt a hand come up behind me and grab me by the arm. To my surprise, it was David's face that I saw, instead of Freda coming to tell me what a disgrace I was.

“What are you doing? I told you to play it cool. I know it was a long time ago, but you can't forget it!” The harshness of his voice took me by surprise and sent me stumbling backwards.

“Just leave me alone! You can't go around saying you care about people and then changing your mind in an instant!” My voice surprised me equally, if not more. I was used to blurting things out, but not things like that.

“Don't you get it? I do care about you- I have done from the start. That's why I need you to shut up and stop making such a scene, before they take us right back to London.” He walked off and into the next carage.

I fell onto the floor and collapsed into a heap. The tears flowed. My mind was shattered. Confusion filled my mind. The memories of laughter, joys and happiness all came back to me, as I remembered the days I spent with my father. The memories were soon turned toxic, by the bad ones that always managed to over-power them, like a black smoke, slowly creeping through my mind. The plush cushions looked wrong in my hands- completely out of place. I threw one on the floor, expecting to hear a smash of a camera. It didn't come. It was the first time I remembered that this was all a TV show since the last train. That thought had barely crossed my mind after my feud with Freda. As my mind cleared, I felt a surge of pain and fell to the floor unconscious. This must have all been a little bit too much for the cameras.

I awoke in a strange tent. A white waterproof fabric towered above and formed a TP shape. I knew it must have been imported from London, due to it's spotless condition, which simply doesn't exist in Vinstown. The voice of Freda almost comforted me, as my vision was blurry. But then a voice followed that sent my heart racing and my body into turmoil. I surged forwards, reaching out for David, in the direction of his call for me. His voice soon faded away though. This was the first time I had managed to hold back the tears. The interviewer soon took me to the side to ask me questions. As I soon realised, this was a lot more than just questions. I was whisked off by a small, yet dramatic and extremely effective prep team. Firstly, they took all of my clothes away from me, which to me was taking away my pride. I had only ever had my clothes taken away from me in-front of other people once, and that was just my mother. I only did it so that she could treat my wounds. I got a lot of those. Burns from hot water, bug bites and sometimes even the grazes from my walks, when I would fall down from weakness. The pain of this however ran much deeper than just the plucking of my hears. It ran into my blood- my veins. The fact that people from London thought that they could come in and take my clothes away and act like it was ok that the scars they were trying to remove weren't because of them- because they spend all of our country's money on stupid and idiotic treatments to die their eyebrows gold or give themselves turquoise skin, even though I was so weak that I couldn't stand, utterly appalled me. Their endless chatter was pointless. All they talked about was what they spent their never-ending amounts of money on, even though I was sat there, starving, willing to eat anything I could get my hands on. Then came the worst of all. Someone came along who was nice. She was simply lovely to me. This made me feel sick, but this time not because I was disgusted or filled with hatred but because I was confused. Confused how someone, from a place where to me everyone is evil, could be so kind.

“I guess your gonna' tweak my eyebrows now or tell me what a disgrace my hair is then?” I rolled my eyes sarcastically as I spoke.

“No. Actually, I'm going to try and be as careful as I can and no- your nails are in very good condition,” she turned away. “Oh. And by the way, I don't talk about stupid stuff like the others. I won't talk at all if you don't want me to.

“Oh,” this took me back. “Em. That's ok. You can talk. So... so what are you going to do to me?”

“I have your interview dress!”

She pulled out a beautiful deep blue dress. Crystals and glitter ran down it, creating the effect that frost tumbled down my body. The blue turned lighter as it went down the dress, until it was so pale it was almost white. White like frost. The very bottom of it was covered in silver glitter. As I slipped it on, I noticed the light catching on it. The glitter suddenly turned rainbow coloured, only slightly at first but becoming more noticeable as I moved more. I slipped on a dainty pair of shoes, clearly chosen not to match my personality. They had a small heel, taking the my thin feet and sucking into them. They were covered in pale blue lace, matching the bottom of my dress.

Before I could stop it, I was taken out onto a small stage and sat down on a plush red armchair. Blinding spotlights shone into my eyes. All of a sudden, cameras were pointing at me and I was live on television. My stomach was tied in knots, impossible to untie. It all began.

“Hello Halbort. This is the interviews. So far you've seen her amazed, starving, dying and surviving. Whether you know her or not, you have to love her- it's Katelyn Wooderly!” I recognised the voice straight away. Limpet Oden. The most recognised interviewer in the country.

He turned to me. “So Katelyn. How have you found life since you got back from London?”

I blushed and didn't want to speak, however knew I had to.

“I wouldn't really know- I've been asleep most of the time.” It was only then when I realised that there was an audience, as they chuckled at this comment.

“Ha Ha. I see your a bit of a joker. But know for a rather more serious question. Now- when you were in the mansion, we saw you had a rather interesting relationship with David. Can you tell us about that then eh?” I instantly tensed up. I saw Limpet's lips moving, but I could not hear him. After about 10 seconds, I came to my senses.

“Em... em I... I...I don't really know what it was. I was just so confused. When he said he cared about me, it was like a whole part of my life had been taken away and put back in a different place. I just wanted to feel safe and he provided that... for a while.” I looked down to my hands. Their cleanliness felt wrong and I hated looking at them, so I looked into the audience at Freda for reassurance.

“Then there was the fire and the safety became a lifeline and I thought I couldn't live without him. And I was right. I've not seen his face in days and it's just so hard.”

“I thought you might say that- so here he is. It's David Manden everybody!” The crowd went wild, cheering and clapping wildly. Tears streamed down my face, neither of joy or sadness- just of shock. As I saw David's face I ran towards him. We embraced each other, not daring to let go. I felt his warm breath and it was like a kiss from the sun. I took his hand and as our fingers inter-locked, we were beckoned back over to the seat. A new couch had been put in place. It was a red silk and easily big enough for two people.

“So, whilst you two catch up on everything, let's have a look at everything you've been through.” I clutched onto David tighter than ever. That was worse than the flashbacks. I knew for a fact that actually happened, where as with the flashbacks, I could trick myself that it was all just a nightmare, but when I was watching it, I knew it had to be real. All the horrors and the sickness... and the kisses. They all had to be real.

“Ok folks! That's all we have time for today. We'll be back tomorrow with more juicy gossip on our nation's favourite children- Katelyn and David. We'll see you tomorrow.” With that, the cameras were turned off and the show was over.

“So you to,” Limpet turned to us, “You both did very well. Now we'll give you an hour to freshen up and then there'll be an after party. Does that sound good?”

Me and David nodded enthusiastically, before leaving to our rooms. I got half way down the corridor, when he stopped me. I felt the memories of the train and the time when he stopped me before all come back, but I forced them out to keep myself from crying all over again, as the tear marks had just faded from the last lot.

“It's nice to see you again.” his voice was shaky, yet still overjoyed.

“Yeah. You to,” and for once, I really did meant it.

“Well, we'd better go and get changed then,” he gestured towards his door and I headed towards mine. Just before I opened my door, I looked at him, a gaze materialised between us, but was broken by the sound of a door slamming. I pushed open my door and went inside.

Although Limpet had told me to freshen up, I didn't at all. In fact, I barely moved throughout the half an hour I had until I would have to set off for the party. I just sat between the covers, smiling and hugging them. An over-whelming joy came over me. For once in my life, something had gone right. It was only in this time when I began to wonder where we would have the party, since the whole of Vinstown had been destroyed, apart from the small theatre that lay outside of town, which had earlier been destroyed. I wandered through the streets in my mind, exploring every place I'd seen since I got back but nowhere was still standing. Eventually, I simply fell asleep.

A knock at the door and Freda telling me it was time to get on the train awoke me from my slumber. 'The train?' I thought- 'what Train?'. Although I would have liked to know what it was all about, I knew I would find out eventually, so I just did as she told me. We were soon on the train, with the plush cushions and the velvet couches- the kind that were only used for transporting people from London. As the train began to stop, lights and fireworks met my eyes. Skyscrapers towered above me and left ominous yet beautiful silhouettes on the other buildings. Instantly, by night the once grey city of London, turned into a festival and celebration of lights. The train grinded to a halt, swaying me slightly to the right. I walked slowly towards the door, where I met David.

“Go on then. Hold hands. We want people to see you as a team.” Freda's hands brought ours together. We stared at her reluctantly.

“Come on. Just imagine you're back in the mansion.” Our fingers inter-locked and our palms touched. His were warm and comforted me. As we stepped onto the platform, he lifted our arms in the air. The guests cheered wildly... it was time for the party. Limpet's face soon appeared on a huge screen.

“Welcome! It's time... to PARTY!” He screamed the words and the guests instantaneously began dancing to the music and toasting to one-another. Hundreds of tiny balls, clear and round, almost as if they were made of glass, lined the tables. There were labels next to each plate, stating the flavour. I popped one that was supposed to be floral flavoured. A cool liquid spread across my tongue and throughout my veins. Firstly, the taste of poppy seed came upon me. I had only ever tasted poppy seeds once, when I was young and I had a loaf of bread with them on. Then there was just a flowery taste that beautifully calmed me. Freda pulled me on to the dance floor, my mouth still half full of chocolate-flavoured balls.

My heart stopped. My lungs filled with air and would not release it. The sight that met my eyes over-whelmed me completely. I ran towards her and embraced the- body I had missed so dearly, ever since I left her back in Vinstown.

“Rose,” I whispered, not daring to let go, in-case I fainted from the shock. My little sister had so far been the only thing that hadn't changed at all, so the stability I felt was unimaginable. A beautiful happiness overcame me. Tears fell down my cheeks and ran onto her shoulder. I finally let go, but kept my hands on her shoulders.

“Why are you here? Didn't they keep you in London?” my mind span with possible answers to my questions.

“Oh come on Katelyn. You didn't really buy that there would be an after-party for an interview, after just a few episodes? This whole thing was to get me and you back together- hence the cameras and the fact that you were told to freshen up a little.” As I thought about it, I realised she was right. Why would they have an after-party for a stupid interview? I began to regret not using my time wisely in my room, however nothing could possibly put a damper on my mood. Until.

Chapter 5

Snakes and Ladders

I felt an icy hand touch my shoulder. My hairs on the back of my neck stuck up one by one, peeling upwards and rising slowly on their goose-bump platforms. A chill was sent swerving and spiralling down my spine, like a tree, dying slowly and in a painful way. I dreaded turning around, yet knew I had to. As Mr. Svener's face came into view, an emotion that I couldn't explain came over me.

“Hello Miss Wooderly. Care to dance?” I instantly understood that this was not an offer but a command; not an opportunity to have fun, but for him to explain our situation- our relationship. I took his hand and he guided us to the edge of the room, as far away from David as possible. Maybe that was for the best.

“So what did you want to tell me?” I hurried him along.

“Well, your straight to the point.” his voice then lowered and became more sinister. “So I will be too. Now, about your little 'disappointment' with you thinking your old man friend was hurt, that can't happen again.” I nodded my head, yet avoided his gaze. “I mean it! This kind of thing can really stir things up in the smaller towns. There's even talk of,” he lowered once again to a whisper and he brought his head right up to my ear. “a rebellion.” he drew away and finally I looked up. “So you just calm down, or that friend of yours will be hurt for real. Oh, and as for your little glass rose- it most certainly will be smashed.” He backed away, before turning and walking into the distance. A lump formed in my throat, but was shrunk again by the sight of David's face.

“Are you ok?” he inquired.

“Yeah.” I shrugged my shoulders.

“Good. Come on. Let's dance.” he took my hand and pulled me back onto the centre of the dance-floor. This filled me with joy, yet all I could think was 'the person who I'm dancing with is going to die if I go wrong'. However, this couldn't possibly distract me from the warm feeling of contentment that warmed my veins, as we spun in circles across the hall. David began to sing. His voice was beautiful, like a wise, old man's. It reminded me of my father's. He would sing me to sleep, after the nightmares. The nightmares that still came and always would.

As the party drew to a close, the guests left or went to their rooms within the hotel.

“Are you coming?” I looked to the direction of the voice. David was stood across the hall.

“No. I... I think I'll just follow you up in a second.” I felt a lump in my throat but quickly banished it. David walked away. I drew up a chair at the end of the longest table and nibbled on one of the bread rolls. Gold outlined the beautiful green and blue patterns on the ceiling. Once David was a long way off, I opened the door to the hallway and snook into my room. I began to change, however the emotions that I felt gave me a feeling of weakness, so much so, that I just slunk into bed straight away. The sheets were unnecessary on such a warm night. As I lay there, stripped down to my bear emotions, a vulnerability crept in and enveloped me entirely, like a dark rain-cloud. I tried to think things through but my mind was much too confused for logic. Instead, I just lay there, tears slowly trickling down my face, trembling with fear, until sleep finally took me.

My dreams were hellish that night, like the ones back in the attic. The old man in the woods must have died in at-least twenty different ways. But the worst were the ones about loosing David. I awoke screaming, before it down-scaled to a whimper. I heard the door open, but my attempt to turn and see who was there was futile. I felt an arm brush against my shoulder, as someone climbed into bed with me.

“Hey Katelyn. Are you ok?” It was David. He pulled his arm around me and whispered in my ear. “Don't worry, I'm here now.” A tear fell down my cheek. Those were five words saved me when I was just ten years old. Does he remember? I thought. This was my last thought, before the warmth of David's body enveloped me, as well as sleep.

When I awoke, goose-bumps covered my arms. David had left. The smell of fresh pastry seeped through the door, so I assumed he had gone to breakfast. I walked towards the bathroom door.

I paused.

To my right, my reflection was shown in a framed mirror. A small cut on my lip stood out the most. I then noticed the burns on my cheek. The skin had been ripped up in most areas, as well as the crimson scars that ran deep in to my skin. I was a wreck. But it was on the inside that I had been destroyed the most. The nightmares and the traumatising situations I'd experienced were part of it, but it was mostly the cuddles and the fights and the hatred and the love it just. It burned me up inside. David was my main source of happiness yet my main source of pain. I stared into my blue eyes. They weren't the sapphire blue that people admired. They were the kind of blue that constantly looked like I was on the verge of tears. Which at most times I was.

Freda's knocking on the door shook me back into reality.

“Come along now Katelyn. Time to get ready. David's nearly finished breakfast already.” the mention of his name warmed me, however pained me to hear so much.

I hurriedly scrambled through the wardrobe, desperately searching for something to wear apart from a dress. For the task at hand, I needed to feel powerful, and a dress hardly fit that criteria. For the task at hand, I needed to stop lying to myself about David.

Chapter 6

Love is Pain

Finally dressed in a cream-coloured T-shirt, striped with navy blue, so dark that is could easily be mistaken for black, and blue leggings, I made my way down stairs.

“So nice of you to join us!” exclaimed Freda sarcastically. “Would you like some food?”

“No thanks. I'm not hungry,” I answered quietly. My stomach churned and knotted- it was no time for eating.

“David. Could we maybe have a chat?”

“Yeah sure.” he said, completely unaware of what I was about to say. He followed me into the next room.

“So what did you want to talk about?” His bewilderment infuriated me. I paused and daren't speak, so eventually he did, “I like your hair by the way. That's how you had it when I first noticed you. We were in the assembly hall on the first day of infant school. The teacher said to put your hand up when she said your name, so she could get to know our faces and when she called your name, your hand shot up and everyone looked your way. You were beautiful.”

“Shut up! Just cut it out! That's what I wanted to talk to you about- you saying that you cared about me and then not fully explaining whether you meant in a brother- sister way or how a teacher cares about their pupils or... you know. And then the kisses and the cuddles and the comforting. And then Mr. Svener saying that he'd kill you if I went out of control and me feeling angry and...”

“Wait,” he interrupted, “Mr. Svener's going to get me killed?”

“That's not the point!”

“I've not been fair- I'll admit that; but neither have you.” he said the second part quietly. I would rather he shouted, then I could have just ignored it and carried on being angry at him, but his small voice meant that it required thought. I thought back to the past few months and- in a way- he was right. He began again, “And I've not told you much because I don't know much. Anyway, What's this about me dying?” I went red and stiff.

“You won't. Because I love you too much to let that happen.” The words were never meant for anyone else's ears, just for my own thoughts, but they still came out. He held out his arms and I rushed into them, tears falling down my cheeks and a feeling of happiness over-whelming me.

“Come on then you two love birds!” Freda interrupted us. I dried my tears and followed her to the dining-room. 'Love birds?' I thought. 'Is that how people see us?' I couldn't compute it.

“Are you ok there Katelyn? You look a little flustered.” I nodded. My tears were so often now, they would dry on their own. “Good, because we don't want your family thinking that you're upset on the first day they've seen you since the party.” This, was being very kind on her behalf. I didn't have a family- all I had was my sister and I knew for a fact that David didn't have any siblings and he couldn't have had any parents left, or he wouldn't have been with me. He still had his arm around me, comforting me.

“You hug like a girl you know.” I said, trying to lighten the mood

“You hug like a girl!”

“I am a girl.” We erupted into laughter, but were silenced by Freda.

We were then hurried on to a train. It was plush, as the last one had been, clearly made in London. We ate and played cards, before stepping off the train onto the ash of my previous home. The surface of the floor had hardened a little, but as I cleared away the rubble, my feet met the snow-like texture of ash.

“Right you two. As you know, your homes were destroyed, so you now have been rebuilt houses. You have the only two houses. Katelyn- there's room for your sister. David- there's enough room for any visitors.”

She wasn't wrong. They were as big as mansions! The only time I'd seen houses that big before was in London.

I was tired, so I headed straight to the kitchen for a cup of tea. Tea is the one thing that had never upset me. The Phone rang, but I didn't want to talk to anyone, especially considering the only people who would call me would be David and Freda and I didn't want to talk to either. I just let it go to answer machine.

“Hi Katelyn. I'm just going to the shops. I was wondering if you wanted anything from the shops, apart from honey for your tea, I already put that on the list. I guess you're out, so see you later.”

I couldn't sleep, or rather I wouldn't. It was the first time I'd been stubborn without even trying. Slowly, I peeled away the duvet. Click- the door creaked open, as I stepped through the window. I hurried upwards onto the roof. Moss softened the hard tiles. It was final.

“What was I living for? Why am I alive?” I asked. I don't know who I was asking. I guess it was myself. I planned it all out- where I would jump from; how long it would take me to fall; and the landing. The moment when my heart would stop forever. The moment when I would finally see my father once more. But what I didn't plan for was the hand that touched my shoulder and the voice that followed. The voice that had caused me so much pain.

“Katelyn. What are you doing out here?” It was him. It was David.

“I've told you- it just hurts too much. I'm tired. Tired of just letting the tears fall down my cheeks and pretending that they're not there. I'm tired of saying I'm ok when I'm not. I can't do it any more.” floods of tears ran down my cheeks but I daren't take my hands off the roof. I shuffled closer to the edge.

“Katelyn, just come inside. We'll talk about this there.” I shook my head hard and pressed my lips together.

“No. I'm not doing this again.”

“You're right.” He stood up. Confidently, he marched to the edge of the roof. He stared down at the floor. He took one step more... and fell.

“David!” I screamed, rushing over to edge. He lay unconscious on the floor... and the it came to me- what if he wasn't dead. I shouted his name repetitively, calling for him with no hope of an answer. Screaming for help, I hurried back inside. Eventually, Rose came. She was half awake, but much more stable than me.

“Rose! David- he's unconscious. Outside!” A rush of panic covered her face.

“Where's the medicine cabinet?” She had always been better with medicine than me. She was more clever too.

“In the kitchen!” She rushed out and before I knew it she was outside treating him.

Once she had done all she could, we took him up to my room and put him on the bed.

“You should go to bed Rose.”

“Ok, but only if you promise not to stay up for too long.” I nodded and told her that I promised.

I sat and watched him, as he lay unaware of all surroundings. I had no way of knowing how long I stayed with him, but without him, every second felt like years. I ran my fingers through his golden hair. I felt his ears and then carefully traced his lips. I pressed them against mine. A warm feeling enveloped me. My head on his chest, I closed my eyes. His opened. Groaning, he tried to sit up. I gently pushed him back down and braced myself for the conversation I knew would have to follow.

“How could you do that to me? How could you put me through that?”

“Put you through that? I did it for you! You would have done it if I hadn't! I did it because I love you!” he was right I guess, which made my next comment a horrid one.

“Oh this must be love.” I said, as bitter as a lonely old man.

“What makes you say that?” He drew in a little.

“Because only love hurts like this.” With that, I left the room.

The sweet smell of honey-suckle lingered in the hallways. As I sat watching the sunlight slowly creep through the gaps in the hills, I allowed the tears to trickle down my face. I heard footsteps behind me.

“Hi.”

“His Rose. Couldn't you sleep?” I wiped the tears from my eyes and walked towards her.

“The light woke me up. Hey, are you ok?”

Sniffling, I answered, “Yeah. Well no, but, you know.” She didn't know at all. She couldn't have possibly have known what I'd been through.

“I'm off to go and tend to David. Are you coming?”

I shook my head, “Nah. I think I'll just stay back here for a while.”

I couldn't possibly face David. Facing David would mean facing my emotions and at that point, the sea of my feelings was just too deep to explore.

Once she had left, I walked towards the glass table that took up most of the room and pulled out a chair. I didn't sit down. Instead, I just stood staring at my reflection. Pain. That's all I could register. My face was emotionless, but not in the heartless way. The only emotion was in my eyes. They weren't their usual dark stagnant puddle colour. They were more of a grey snow that was just about to melt away. I guess that's exactly how I felt. Finally, I decided That I needed to see him. I needed to see David in order for him to understand me. I wasn't sure weather he would want to see me. I wasn't sure if I cared. I wanted to see him. As I walked up the stairs, Rose stopped me.

“He can't see anyone.” By the look in her eyes, I knew she was lying.

“Don't lie.” I say looking deeply at her and crossing my arms. “He doesn't want to see me, does he?”

“I'm not lying.”

I lean in closer, a touch of ferocity in my voice, “I said don't lie Rose. I've known you all your life. I know when your lying.”

“Stop! I told her not to tell you.” I looked in the direction that the voice came from. David stood at the top of the stairs, holding on to the banister. “Shouting at little kids is pathetic.” he almost murmurs.

I marched up to him and stared into his deep green eyes.

“Because you know all about being pathetic!” I screamed. I slapped him hard on the cheek. The door to my room was already open, so I stormed straight in. The bedsheets were still on the floor from the night before, when I had thrown them off. The scent of cleaning detergent filled the air. A small glimmering object caught my eye. It sat on the table next to my bed. The rose. The small glass rose that David had given me had been left with a note. I didn't want to read the note, in-fact it was probably the last thing I wanted to do, but I knew if I was ever to feel happy when I saw David again. As I opened it, what met my eyes sent tears flooding down my cheeks and a dizziness spiralling around me. It was impossible.

Chapter 7

Lying about the Truth

The words raced through my mind as I dashed towards the door.

“David!” I screamed. That seemed to be what I said the most. Even in my sleep, I'd been screaming his name. The sentence poisoned my thoughts.

“Come back!” The words still hadn't sunk in. 'I'm leaving'. Two words. That's all, but they sent millions of stabs straight to my heart.

“David! You promised you wouldn't leave me! I still have the rose!” My voice was hoarse and croaky. 'Please don't leave me' is what I meant to say, but the words never left my mouth. They were the words that I only said in nightmares- they couldn't be said in real life, because that would mean my life was a pointless as a dream. As pointless as a nightmare.

I don't remember how I got here, but I'm now sat on the floor next to the door, my face stiff from dried tears.

“Do you want a tissue?” The voice was familiar, but I couldn't remember why- or rather I didn't want to remember. All of my memories were poisoned for some reason or another. The voice was male.

“Katelyn? Can you hear me?” Then it kicked in. The voice was familiar because I heard it for every day of my life for the last 6 months. It was David.

“Yeah. I can hear you. No matter how much it hurts you, you don't get to choose who you can hear.”

“Katelyn. You knew why I thought I had to go, even if I was wrong.” His voice sounds desperate and pleading.

“No. No I don't know why you thought that. It's just like how I don't even know who you are any more. I don't even know who I am any more, so how can I possibly know who you are, let alone understand your thoughts. My eyes are cloudy with tears more than they're dry. And maybe I've had enough of this. Whatever this is- I'm sick of it.” I said it instead of shouting it. I didn't have the energy to shout it.

With that, I stormed out and into the cold night air. It tasted bitter in my mouth, yet it was better than the salt of tears. Somehow, I wasn't upset; I felt empowered.

“Katelyn. Where are you going? You can't leave.”

“You don't get a say in what I do. Your pathetic David. PATHETIC!” Now I had the energy to shout- the adrenaline made sure of that.

“Stop pointing out my flaws as if I can't already see them. I know I'm pathetic and I always have been. But do you really think I want to be? Do you think I want to rely on you? Because I don't. I want to be strong like you. I want to be whole again- but that's never going to be like that so if you could stop reminding me it might help a little.”

I felt tears forming in my eyes after each sentence. The words took all of my air away from me, causing me to wince. He thought I was strong- that I was whole? I crashed my lips into his, hugging him as I did. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me back. This time there were less nerves and more respect. His lips were soft, despite how thin they were. His hands were clasped around my back. Eventually we pulled away, but our eyes stayed locked onto each-others.

“One Question.” His hands were still around my back, holding my up. His eyebrows raised, he nodded. “Why did you think you had to leave?” He sighed and looked towards the ground.

“Because I didn't know what we were. It was driving me insane. But I do now.” It was nice to hear him speak and not shout. He took my hand and laced his fingers with mine and planted a small kiss on my cheek, before walking me instead.

I awoke with the sun streaming into my room. As soon as my eyes opened, a smile spread across my face. The same smile spread across David's face too. He sat rocking gently in an armchair he had pulled up close to my bed. The faint recollection of sadness when he left the night before stained my mind, but it was wiped away as soon as he bent down and kissed me, brushing his hand through my hair as he did. I sat up a little and propped myself up on my forearm.

“Good morning. I would have woken you up but you looked so peaceful and- well- I didn't think I'd ever get to see you peaceful again.” A small chuckle escaped my lips. As I got dressed in the on-suit room, he chatted away. Giggles filled the room and I was finally happy. I couldn't see him, but I knew exactly what he was doing. I could see him in my mind- leaning on my wall, sipping cups of tea, bending over as he laughed- I could see it all. I guess I knew him a little better than I thought I did.

When I came out of the bathroom, he went to make breakfast. He stopped in the doorway and smiled as he turned around. He looked at me as if we were frozen in time and we would always be happy. Impossible to be a reality. Possible and beautiful to dream. As if suddenly remembering that we were real, he shook slightly and said, delving into his pocket, “Oh. I forgot, a letter came for you.” He handed it to me and left the room. The royal stamp sealed it. I ran my fingers up and down the edges of where it had been closed, tossing questions in my mind.

Finally, I forced my fingers to open it, closing my eyes as I unfolded the paper in my hands. It was thin and fragile, with little dents in it from the writing. This was what it said:

Dear Miss Wooder,

We are sorry to inform you of the recent death of your brother, Joe Wooder. We have enclosed his dog tag and we hope you will not take this too harshly. We are sorry we could not help him.

Yours faithfully,

Mr.Svener

Each word transferred into a tear, which transferred into a deadly furry and a sadness deeper than any that had come before it.

“We hope you don't take it too harshly?” I scream it as I sink to my knees, tears rolling down my face, fast and large.

I hear David rush in and come to my side. I am still aware of my surroundings, but my brain cannot begin to comprehend it. Everything became a blur and I found myself screaming his name- Svener Svener Svener- over and over again. A gentle arm was around me- David's- but I ignore it and let my screams drown in sorrow.

Three hours later, I stopped crying. I stopped everything. I just sat there motionless, like a devil sick of sin. Now I understood. I understood my mother and why she was how she was when my father died. It wasn't because of the pain or the heartbreak. It was the ache that washes over you. It was the hole that is unable to be filled. It is the sense of loss. It's the nothingness that your left with. I stopped and there is nothing more to it.

Two hours after that, I sat in my bed, naked and broken. The word pathetic was over-used for most people. But no-one called Joe pathetic. They called him brave and honourable. I wasn't sure how Rose felt- David broke the news to her- but I doubt she felt much better than me.

One hour had passed and I was putting on an over-large jumper and leggings and walking to David's room. His warmth comforted me, yet filled me with sadness at the distant memory of happiness. I couldn't sleep- I knew that without even trying. So instead, I just watched him sleep. His eyelashes were long and he looked more forgiving of the world when he was asleep. But I don't think he'll ever truly forgive the world. Our world has made him feel weak and small; it has taken so much from him- his strength, his dignity, his love- who would forgive that? I don't think he'll ever forgive anyone, least of all me. I've taken more from him than anyone. I've taken the tiny amount of self-respect he still had. But I've given it back to him a thousand times over in the respect I hold for him. I've taken so much from him. It's almost too much, and I think I'm going to cry but then he swoops towards me and kisses me.

“How are you feeling?” I looked down to my hands and didn't answer for a while. “Sorry that was a stupid question.” He looked ashamed.

“No- it's not. I'm feeling... empty- I guess.” I'd always hated talking about my feelings. I was always taught that it was vain. I just found it awkward. It made me feel vulnerable. It was impossible for me to survive if I felt vulnerable- so I just never talked about them. David had always insisted that I was strong. If that was true, Then why did I always feel so weak around him.

“I don't think I'll ever feel whole again.” I said, still trying to shake off the lump at the lump at the back of my throat.

“It won't last forever. Trust me.”

Trust. Trust had never been my strong point, especially when people who shout at me on multiple occasions and then risk their lives to save me were involved.

“I remember when I felt like that. Like The pain would never end- but it does. And it will.” He felt like that? I thought. But when? How? Why?

“I didn't know you had a brother?” I said, almost asking myself if I had seen him with another boy, who looked similar to him.

“No. It wasn't my brother. I had a sister. She was only about two. She fell sick and we thought it was just a cold. But a couple weeks later, I came home from school, and she was in her cot, pale and lifeless.”

He had just described how he looked at that moment. Pale. Lifeless. “The pain was so bad at first. And then I just felt like death for weeks and weeks. But it ended. Eventually.” He smiled at the end. But it wasn't a happy smile. It was full of pain and hurt.

I didn't really know what to say, or if he even expected a reply. So instead of talking, I buried my face in his shoulder and hugged him. I've never really felt like there was much love involved in a kiss. It's just a kiss. But a hug is holding someone close and keeping them safe. I prefer hugs. A lump formed in my throat. I hugged David tighter and forced the lump backwards. His heartbeat was strong and wholesome. But it was also fast. In-fact, it was incredibly fast. But why? We were both comfortable around each other. And there had never been anything romantic between us.

“Can I ask you a question?” I ventured, looking up to his face as I did. I felt small and fragile against him, but I loved it. I loved being able to be weak for once.

“Sure,” came out almost as a chuckle. I knew he would say that but I thought he would answer more honestly if I made sure. My eyes were droopy and I was spending more time yawning than not. I closed them, Yet tried my best not to fall asleep.

“Why is your heart beating so fast?” I felt myself being pulled into sleep. The last thing I heard was,

“B... because. Because I love you.”

I didn't dream that night. I just heard. I heard David repeating those words. They started off exactly how he had said them. But they turned darker. They turned into pain and hurt. And eventually, it wasn't even him any more. But they all meant the same thing. I would have to ask myself how I felt.