The Man and The Girl

Don't judge a book by its cover... or a story by its weird and rather lame title.

The man lunged forward violently and grabbed the young girl’s wrist, black hair flying around his pale face, dark eyes flashing with barely-contained rage.  He yanked her towards him, bringing her face within inches of his own.

“You have no idea the danger you are in,” he hissed.

The girl returned his glare with equal fury, her amber eyes narrowed and blazing with ire.  She yanked her hand downward, freeing it from the man’s vicelike grasp.  “What?  From you?” she retorted, her voice laced with venom.  The man blinked and took a step back in shock.  Though the top of the tiny girl’s head came barely past his waist, her voice resonated with a power that seemed to pierce him to his very core and turn his flesh to stone.

“You have no idea what I’ve been through,” the girl continued, still keeping the man locked within her baleful gaze.  “You don’t know what I’ve witnessed, what’s been done to me.  There is nothing you can do to cause me any more pain.  Nothing.”

The man sucked in a sharp breath, and his expression of rage suddenly broke into one of grief.

“But I do know,” he whispered.

Now it was the girl’s turn to blink in surprise, for the man’s voice was tremulous and weak, as if he were fighting back tears.  She narrowed her eyes at him, and he continued, all vestiges of anger in his speech replaced by inexplicable pain.

“I do know,” the man repeated.  “I know every word that’s been spoken against you, every voice of hatred that haunts your mind.  I’ve counted every scar upon your body, and I’ve wandered through every wound within your heart.  I know the things that make you laugh and smile, your brightest hopes and your darkest fears.  I know you as well as any soul could ever be known.”

“What do you mean?” the girl hissed, her face suddenly awash with suspicion and fear.  “How do you know so much about me?”

The man’s eyes were filled with inexpressible sorrow.

“Because,” he whispered.  “I’m your husband.  Please come back.”

Author's Note

Who? What? When? Where? Why? How? I have no idea.

Reviews

[Usman Muhammad]

An amazing writing.You built the suspense beautifully.
You are very talented and your story crafts a strong impression on the reader, making him believe that he is observing all this.
Well done and please keep writing.

[AliciaB]

Thank you so much!

[Dynafox]

I like the flip the script aspect of this. How the man started with what seemed like power and by the end he's a weak character pleading for her return.

[AliciaB]

Thank you!

[Inject Positivity]

Alicia, this is a power packed work... There was high intensity throughout the story and with specific details you have made it perfect to read... The beginning was very catchy and from there on the story moved to an amazing part.... But I was really surprised by the ending, it was great but I was surprised to see that the girl didn't know that he was her husband.... It was short but packed with action and details... Was lovely....

Sincerely
Dhiman

[AliciaB]

Thank you! I'm glad you liked it. To be honest, I'm not even sure what's going on in this story... I had a vague idea of some sort of time warp or something, in which the man's wife was sent back to when she was a lot younger, and he's trying to save her, but she has no idea who he is. Then again, always open to interpretation. :) Thanks for the read and the review!

[Taylor]

You are very talented and you've packed a lot into a very small space. I'm not sure that the ending is justified; nothing wrong in my opinion about a surprise ending but this felt truncated. My sense is that there may need to be a few very subtle clues earlier on for the reader to feel satisfied. Of course, this is just the sole opinion of one writer. Follow your own gut as the authority on your own writing.

[AliciaB]

Thanks! I agree that the ending was rather abrupt - the point in many ways was to build suspense and whatnot and then to pull the rug out from under the reader, I suppose. I tried to bring in some of those subtle clues with the man's words to the girl, but perhaps I could include more towards the beginning. Oh well - good practice anyway :) Thank you for the review. I appreciate it.

[Emily]

I loved this!
I really liked the ending!
Keep it up!!

[AliciaB]

Thank you so much!