My Cloak of Invisibility

Here is my life... P.S. I know there aren't full sized shadows at noon, that is the whole point of me saying so (we are barely there).

 I'm the only person alone,

I realize it's not anyone's fault, but mine.

My cloak of invisibility stops everyone from seeing,

you can only see right past me.

I'm like a ghost in the dark,

and not one who can see,

  no lights to make you known,

a shadow at noon if wish to call me.

When I try to join in on a conversation,

I am ignored, but it's not you to blame.

How can I blame someone else for my limpid appearance?

I can't, it is just my nature of living.

When you say something so extra, yet funny,

and no one acknowledges you.

How can I cry, when I'm the reason why

they stare into space, then continue their conversations?

The ones like me aren't there, we're not in the now.

We are the air and the molecules you can't see,

the transparent oxygen we breathe.

We just float around until someone notices us,

or we'll stay in the dark till we wither away completely.

Author's Note

Feel free to leave feedback!

Reviews

[H L Rose]

I love the concept, and I think you’ve conveyed the thought so well.

The very first line is so good.
“In a room, I’m the only person alone”
I do think that specifying it is a room with others in it may make it more clear, but either way I think it gets the point across.

I like the simile and the imagery in the second stanza.
“Like a ghost in the dark” is an interesting line.
I do think that more punctuation here would make it clearer, especially in the last line of this stanza.

I like your choice of te word “limpid” in the third stanza.

“extra, yet funny” was an interesting line. I like your description in the fourth stanza.

The last stanza is my favorite. It is full of interesting comparisons. I like “we are the air and molecules”.

Overall I think it might be good to try and use less vague language at times with “people” and “they”, but I could be wrong about that. Just a suggestions.

I really enjoyed this!

I met a girl once who always took notice of us ghosts. It inspired me to try and be the one who notices my fellow ghosts when in group conversations. You’d be surprised by how many you can find.

[AllauraRose]

Ok, I'm doing something at the moment, but I can edit it soon. Thanks!

[H L Rose]

Of course! I hope I offered a helpful review!

[H L Rose]

It’s great! I have two further suggestions but besides that I think it’s lovely and I could always be wrong about my suggestions.

The line “and no one who can see” isn’t very clear. Maybe “and not one who can see” or “and one none (or no one) can see”.

Also did you mean to switch persons on “YOU stare into space, then continue THEIR conversation”? If you did mean it that way, then it’s just something for the reader to analyze and it’s totally fine.

Great job! I hope my reviews are helpful. I think you’ve got a lot of poetic creativity and think it’s great that you consider feedback even if it’s from a novice like me😆

[AllauraRose]

I just realized the second one like 10 minutes ago. Thanks for the suggestions!

[H L Rose]

Of course!

[sette]

the description you gave yourself in the poem is creatively expressed especially the feelings of being a wallflower and being ignored, a dramatic poem too.

[AllauraRose]

Thanks! I am glad you liked it!

[sette]

you are most welcome

[B-poet]

The eloquence you've displayed here is very genuine and sincere. It's where that inner dialogue of who's involved truly stands out only because your unique commonality doesn't stand out or favor the status quo's social crowd. Yet you've showed in great detail why their to superficial too see what you have to offer in a social setting. Their loss your gain. Ha Ha Great work AllauraRose. A candidly unique yet revealing poem. :)

[AllauraRose]

Thank you so much! I am glad you liked it!