The truth

Plagued by pain inflicted sickness. Cutting people out of construction paper and throwing them into the abyss. Driven by anger and frustration.  Cut by others on whim, don’t know who to be, except the ink face drawn on the print. Lost touch because no one in reach of arm length distance; repulsed by your own fingertips.

So hurt, because of a lost touch. In response,  you decided to hide in a bomb shelter. You’re  just waiting to be interrogated for stepping outside the box. Ridiculed for your own existence; you feel so insecure , ,So lost, so impaired, to blurry to see what you have become. Become so cold and shallow, not exactly sure how to show love. Never thought, you had the ability to kick, punch and leave people in the dark.

Anger takes over who is this monster I have become?

Feeling so vulnerable, so hurt by my own hate. Hate all the hurt I have created. Hate that I cut others on a whim for my own selfishness. Hate the face drawn on the print. I regret my actions and every time they come to mind, I cringe

I have been unexpressive and cold, because I am scared I won’t fit the mold. However, being expressionless, will not take communication, only the articulation that is your own.

When I lost my articulation, I was practically voiceless because I didn’t express how I feel. I was quietly filled with anger and frustration.  My pain body went on and off;  I have no idea if it’s the drugs, that keep me in a hyper focused realm enragement, or is it myself? Maybe it’s the two combined. All I can say, is I hate the poisonous combination it creates.

Then, the withdrawal is even worse, I cry and wonder why, I did what I had done. Why I hurt these people and forgot everything I once loved. I wonder why I ignore, the ones begging at my door, who have I become?  Who is this selfish b***h who forgot love?

I am so sorry for not holding you up, for not appreciating your beauty, your love and now I hate myself and everything I have done. Can you forgive me? Can I forgive me? Will I change? I started to try. I prefer not to speak, because action is the only thing that will ever get anyone far. I want to talk, but don’t want talking to hold me back. All, I can say is I am so sorry, your beautiful and perfect and I am sorry if I made you believe otherwise. I am sorry……. Your worth it, don’t listen to what I said, go out there and do what you do. I am sorry, this is my apology to you.