Post-fear

     Some of my fears were misplaced, and some of them were realized.  I sat in an office working through emotion that had long been dormant, while she looked at me with no emotion.  No response, other than "I think all the things you are doing are fake".  Change comes from within, and realizing I was at a point where my behavior affected a lot of those around me in a negative way has spurred the desire and actions for change.  But the lack of support and lack of faith in me is disheartening.  In my mind, someone that distant who has made the choice to stop wearing her wedding ring has already made her decision.  I want to hug her, and tell her that it will all be alright, that I am sorry that it took this long but that I have finally heard you but I know that it is too little, too late.  The most positive thing I can take from this is that I will be getting treated for depression, something that I have fought for a lon time out of fear of being "weak".  I have been trying to fill a persona where I am the strong and dominant male.  For a long time I believed that this is what Miye was showing me that she needed.  But this is not true, she needed someone to connect with emotionally and provide support in the same manner.  I hope to take this away as an additonal positive and turn myself into someone that can provide that kind of support in the future, for her or the next woman in my life.