They Don’t send flowers to the Chronically ill

A personal poem about feelings related to chronic illness

Isolation

Frustration

Agitation

Alienation

Unlisted symptoms of an invisible illness

Watching the world continue turning while my life remains with an incessant stillness

Yet there is no calm to its mental mayhem and shrillness

 

 

My head could implode from the pressure and pain

As though someone had driven over it with a gigantic steam train

Or like I had little men that were inside of my brain

Who were slicing bits here

And dicing bits there

And then stomping around just to be unfair

 

 

Due to this pain my concentration lacked

My left sided strength slacked

And my speech became abstract

Due to this pain my memory did lapse

My body seemingly happened to collapse

And during all this, time appeared to slowly elapse

Due to this pain many pills have been popped

Many pounds have been dropped

And so much has already been stopped

 

 

Yet there is still so much left to treat

They say when one door closes another is found open

Well here we’re not just talking about opportunity we are talking about emotion

When so much of an illness is suffered on the inside it often goes unspoken

And with no physical disability or extra aids necessary

It is all too easily and too often misconstrue

That whatever it is that we happen to be going through

Can’t possibly be too bad, I assure you that’s untrue

 

 

You may study me, pour over every inch and never read pain on my face

But that’s because the threshold has been forced so high that I can handle it with poise and grace

You may always come across me with a great big smile

But that’s because I put a show on for you so you don’t run a mile

You may always think I’ve got energy to spare

But that’s because you only ever see me for an hour here or there

 

 

What nobody knows and what nobody sees

Is what happens when I go home and I’m finally at ease

When I go up to my room and collapse on my bed

And can’t move for hours because my body is dead

When all I can muster is a shudder or tremble

And my time is spent trying to summon my welly

Just to do something so simple like watching the telly

 

 

Now you tell me if I’m being melodramatic

But at the moment it’s as though life is monochromatic

Totally lackluster, unenergetic and tragic

I mean what happened to life being wonderful and fantastic

I thought life was supposed to be so pleasing in its aesthetic

So exciting and erratic

But right now it just seems static

However there is nothing I can do being so symptomatic

Is always going to be ever so problematic

 

 

They say patience is a virtue

Well it’s a virtue I don’t crave

I guess some would say going through all this is brave

But honestly it’s not because I don’t get a choice in how I behave

It was forced onto me like some kind of disastrous tidal wave

And now all I can do is hope, wish and pray

That somehow, somewhere someone will find a way

For there to finally be truth behind what I say

When I use words like I’m fine, I’m good, and I’m okay

 

Author's Note

this is a personal poem but i welcome any feedback i'd love to use this poem to gain awareness of invisible illnesses so any feedback would be great
as ever all poetry I write is often intended to be spoken so if it reads a bit jarring reading it aloud may display the rhythm

Reviews

[J. D. Moran]

Fantastic poem that I know many, many people around the world would love to be their voice.
Very insightful to a topic that we should all spare more thought to.

[3X3MPLER]

the rhyme scheme is great .mostly i like how you portrayed immence emotions in the poem.I LOVE THIS POEM

[Jordan Smith]

I loved this poem. It had wonderful amounts of emotion pouring out in this one. I like a good poem with emotion used throughout which is exactly what you did here. Great job Amber :) Can't wait to see what's next