Coarse love

An Attempt at Senryu--

Dark night hymns--
Dense thoughts, vulner'ble us
Imperfect love, coarsely held

Author's Note

Constructive criticisms are welcome

Picture courtesy - "Resilience" by Patricia Chudlo

Reviews

[FPW]

Reads to me like a love that is just hanging on and one which appears hard and rough on the heart and mind. I feel there is no such thing as a perfect love so your imperfection described means it is a love well grounded in reality. I have never attempted this form before so I can’t comment on that area except to say you have created a darkly stark description of love in just three short lines. I enjoyed your perception.

[Shweta]

Thank you. That's a good reminder... Love is imperfect. Appreciate your visit. 🙏

[Perdition]

If I were to iave myself over to this poem, and turned free, for a moment, accepting the style and form , I think I might lose myself in the depths such, sorrow, in the imperfect love. This too shall pass as now in the imagination of the opening line “Dark night hymns’…. “But then”…what is to be made of such a line where the depth of ch scars In the image”…”Dense thoughts” is this to be taken literal, as if the heaviness joins with the darkness .. the vulnerable in the collective and imperfect love. Is true hardship. Gathering into all that is painful. But why? Where did this moment strike?? Accepting life and love it’s just all that is human, but accepting that moment when love no longer obeys the ground of continuous love, but walks from the darkness into ,what is lost and now left to
suffer the hardships beyond.

[Shweta]

Oh yes.. to be lost and to suffer the hardships that's beyond.

Senryu as it demands, is made on the spot, which is momentary or such that describes as I understand it. So I think there's hope or maybe there's not. In any case, what kindles in you is what the muse intends. Or so be it..

Much appreciating your presence and your words here on my first ever attempt on this style.

Great weekend and happy days ahead to you young, dear poet.

[Perdition]

If I were to iave myself over to this poem, and turned free, for a moment, accepting the style and form , I think I might lose myself in the depths such, sorrow, in the imperfect love.

[Coyote Poetry]

Powerful use of words. When we give our love to another. We can learn sweetness or we can learn sorrow. Love is a dangerous dance. Thank you dear poet for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[John Sullivan]

Short but succinct. A fine work of a style I have no knack for myself.

[Shweta]

Thank you!

[Chris Shaw]

Not the happiest situation. Sometimes it is better than nothing. Very well expressed.

Chris

[Shweta]

Thank you Chris! Appreciate you coming by and for your kind words :))

[Franky]

Goodness! So much is said in such few words. Wow

[Shweta]

Thank you Franky :))

[jacob erin-cilberto]

sometimes being with someone is harder than being without, but we just can't let go.
nicely done here...a Senryu with depth.
j.

[Shweta]

Thank you! :))