My Invisible Friend

A Story by A.C.LWriting

I sneak peek into life with anxiety.

My friend is a friend I don't see, he's always there, I can feel he's there but no one sees him. My friend is a friend I don't want, nor do I need him, I'd be better off without him. Only a few people know about my friend, he's embarrassing to talk about but sometimes he makes it difficult to not talk about him.

Everyday he's here. Everyday he's my shadow. Everyday he controls me and there's nothing I can do. Some days he leaves, I can feel his absence, when that happens I don't miss him. But most days he's with me, every minute of every hour, on these days it can feel hard to breathe. I feel like he's breathing down my neck, like I'm suffocating, like a demo for drowning, he is the water that fills my lungs, that keeps me below the surface.

My friend gets jealous when I'm with my friends that I can see, so in retaliation he puts a glass box around me. If I try and talk the box muffles my voice no one hears me and no one sees me. When he's really cranky and gets jealous he makes me angry and there's nothing that I can do about it, he makes me say things I don't want to and don't mean. It's hard though because I have to take responsibility for what I say and he gets away with it and is able to do it all over again.

My friend does talk to me, he puts voices in my head, horrible voices, these voices tell me I'm not good enough, and that the reason the people across the room are laughing is because of how fat I am. When I say these thoughts out loud as my own people tell me it's not true, but he's always there to tell me there lying that they laugh about it together too, when I'm not there.

When he takes the voices too far my body shuts down, I feel like I'm watching from a TV screen in the back of my head, I can't breathe, see, or hear the people around me. My hearts pounds against my chest probably wanting to escape from him too, but like me it can't, we're stuck here together with him. He's gives me headaches, so much so that I get dizzy, I wish it would get so dizzy he would spin too and fall so I had a chance at running away for good.

My friend is a friend who visits everyone in the world from time to time, but for people like me he's a permanent friend, one they wish they could get rid of but can't. Some people know how to keep him on a leash, I'm not strong enough to craft that leash yet, but I hope, no I pray that one day I will be. My friend tortures most people on Earth, so much so we all know his name, we all dread him coming to visit but we can't just close the door on him.

My invisible enemy is anxiety!