"A Series Of Thoughts - A Love I Deserve..."

Tangent thoughts...

The thoughts of this one came as I meandered within and beyond - Joiedevivre's "Undeserving".  I instinctively understood (I believe) her word/thought flow and then tangents began to fire.  Reasons and reasonings and all the myriad pathways of possible began to surface... and this one flowed.

"A Love I Deserve..."

Isn't it strange how a woman seldom sees nor wants the heart that is offered from fingertips softly shaking... and how somehow everyone else NOTICES the poor fool and "tsktsktsks" him into non-existence and fooldom.  Its the 'bad' boy that so HOLDS the eyes, minds, and senses.  The one that steps through people left and right - and is always somehow bigger than life.  He seemingly dares the 'gods' that be to slow him down or hold him back.  And you soooooo want to be noticed as you strut beside him and visibly lock his arm in your hands... its YOU thats captured THIS one...YOU that holds HIM - no one else!!!  And that Queen's IMPERIOUS Gaze out and over the subjugated masses! And YOU OWN him until he reminds you who really owns who and what BEING the 'Bad Boy' is all about... and IF you survive the learning - and IF you remain, waiting... well, trophies get dusty and shelved and boxed away.  And sometimes its lots and lots of trophies all jumbled together in a wastebin - glistening in their dark, gleaming a bit whenever the lid is opened and more trophies poured out and into - the fold.

And farther in the darkness, the ones that weren't - bigger than themselves or standouts or the-singled-outs or even ever anything-noticed-at-all quietly exist.  They barely see the light so far above - blocked by all the dreams they never touched... or that didn't touch them.

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I framed this as a man's thought...but it really isn't, is it?  Its a PERSON'S thoughts... genderless, maybe hope-less or -full, depending on a given day or even time.  And maybe it was love on outstretched fingertips - though we know "Desire" also fits as does hope and wish, even dream.  We want the notice...the NOTICE of the one we WANT to notice US, and it often doesn't matter in the least - to us - what or whom our other surroundings are... until our world somehow crashes and we fall until softly caught and allowed to start breathing again.  And then it begins again... "NOTICE ME!!!"

***********************************

"...The Love I deserve..."

I can so softly cradle your head to my chest
and so gently rock and hold you as you weep.
I can watch your tears as they flow to places
so deep and endlessly wide that never, ever, fill.

I can let our tears intermingle there and finally touch
each other's souls as only dreams allow.
I can humm lil sounds you never hear and
whisper all the spoken words I never heard.

As my lips caress your pale and shaking hand,
I understand now about Love AND ... deserve.

Chris

Author's Note

thoughts being explored

Reviews

[Daytonight]

So very well done! Keep on penning!

[anne p. murray- LadeeAn..]

Love and maturity, recognizing the difference between lust and love, the difference between guys and men, the difference between a women and gals.
Give me a man any ole' day over a guy

*Difference between guys and men

A boy looks good with his shirt off
A man looks good because of the way he looks at you

A boy will smile during the good times
A man will laugh during the bad

A boy goes to work because he has to
A man works because he can

A boy buys a plasma screen television
A man accumulates a library

A boy will hug you in the kitchen
A man will hold your hand anywhere you're together

A boy knows how to load the washing machine
A man knows what doesn't go in the dryer

A boy can read the grocery list you have written
A man will shop it with you, put it away, and cook anything on it

A boy will talk to you about lousy day
A man will ask you about yours, and listen

A boy will read a to do list
A man knows what has to be done

A boy will buy you flowers
A man will plant them with you

A boy will tell you what you want to hear
A man will tell you what he has to say

A boy will share a thought
A man will share his dreams

A boy will tell you he feels good when he is with you
A man will tell you how he feels when he can't be at your side

A boy will share intimate moments with you
A man....will share his life
_______________________________________________________________________

*Difference Between women and gals

Girls leave their schedule wide-open and wait for a guy to call and make plans.
Grown women make their own plans and nicely tell the guy to get in where he fits

Girls want to control the man in their life.
Grown women know that if he's truly hers, he doesn't need controlling.

Girls check you for not calling them.
Grown women are too busy to realize you hadn't.

Girls are afraid to be alone.
Grown women revel in it-using it as a time for personal growth.

Girls ignore the good guys.
Grown women ignore the bad guys.

Girls make you come home.
Grown women make you want to come home.

Girls worry about not being pretty and/or good enough for their man.
Grown women know that they are pretty and/or good enough for any man.

Girls try to monopolize all their man's time ( I.e., don't want him hanging with his friends).
Grown women realize that a lil' bit of space makes the 'together time' even more special-and goes to kick it with her own friends!

Girls think a guy crying is weak. Grown women offer their shoulder and a tissue.
Girls want to be spoiled and 'tell' their man so.

Grown women 'show' him and make him comfortable enough to reciprocate without fear of losing his 'manhood'.
Girls get hurt by one man and make all men pay for it.

Grown women know that that was just one man. Girls fall in love and chase aimlessly after the object of their affection, ignoring all 'signs'.
Grown women know that sometimes the one you love, don't always love you back-and move on, without bitterness.

We hopefully... finally wize up to appreciate the difference

[sharonlee]

.... that little catch in the chest when breath has been sucked in so deeply you can't breathe....

[Emily B]

lovely and loving words

[asdarkeyesclose]

until our world somehow crashes and we fall until softly caught and allowed to start breathing again.

Phenomenal insight, each stanza with its own seperate thought and each stanza building from the previous. I found this astute, reasoned and very beautiful :)

[roarke]

hmmm, interesting juxtaposition between the poem and the author's note on that one Chris, I wouldn't have gone there.... just me.

I don't like to often pull quotes, but this is deserving of notice here.

"And farther in the darkness, the ones that weren't - bigger than themselves or standouts or the-singled-outs or even ever anything-noticed-at-all quietly exist. They barely see the light so far above - blocked by all the dreams they never touched... or that didn't touch them."

Powerful. Singularly powerful. strange it lands in the middle of your thoughts. And yet, where else should it.

I thought things like this all the time... probably still do... but I learned it's more for me than sorting out and clarification for others, to others, about others. I still tend to burn energy that way, but try to direct it, futile as it often seems.

oh and the ending, the poem, careful marine, your soft innards are showing. lol.

[?]

Wow Chris, you have been exploring today. lol
This is so so so true.
I absolutely love this poem, so soft and romantic with just the right amount of being sensual. Even the thoughts that you wrote about about are read and heard softly.
I have felt a little dusty lately, lol