Grave.

Digging myself a grave,
within my heart
where all my secrets are kept..
where the corruption spreads,
and the numbing pain remains.

Digging myself a grave,
within treasured memories
of an incomparable time..
where my world felt endless,
and the weightlessness remains.

Digging myself a grave,
within my soul
where the needles poke..
where the reason dwells,
and the labyrinth remains.

Reviews

[emipoemi]

.....Holy kwap!! This is solemn, profound, and simply tugs at the soul with its charm and beauty. If I'm being honest, I almost had a cathartic experience with this one. "Almost", because I felt the last stanza undermines the second to the extent that "memories" are technically part of the mind, so using "mind" in the following stanza broke the spell. In truth I was kind of waiting for a "heart - mind - soul" progression, and then the refrain of "remains", because it's going to be a key word that ends all the stanzas, the musicality really has to land on it in a way that gives the word a divine spark. If you land on the word because it's there renders it meaningless. Land on the word because it means something. Musicality is key for poems like these.

But for what it's worth, this poem is great. It had a great start, a good refrain, and the juicy lines in the middle are golden. I guarantee you, though, if you apply my suggested tweaks, the experience WILL be cathartic. And that's the honest truth - there are not many who have been able to give me such an experience, and this one almost did - almost!! Well done!

[Angeliki Largatzis]

Thank you very much, and I also had the same thought about the memories and the mind. I wrote it quite a while ago and never gave it much thought until after I posted it. I wanted to express each stanza differently. Thank you very much for pointing that out as well :)

[emipoemi]

my pleasure :)