For Tonight

The heavy noise of the rain colliding rhythmically beneath her wet tires of her black Nissan caught her left ear as the wind blew violently through her. What should have been light blonde hair, turned dirty from a lack of shower flew in the night air as she sped down a winding mountain road at an unforgiving 76 miles an hour. She carefully placed her cigarette an unneeded foot past her car window to avoid any contact with it's repugnant smoke that could cause her to lose any of her appeal to what it was she was driving to. She hated smoking them but of course, on nights like this she had to stop and buy some to counteract how anxious she felt about her need decision to fill her night with all that she hated instead of sleep. There was music playing to drown out the soft drizzle passing her by through her outdated and blown out radio speakers as It was cloudy and dark, 3 am was much too late on a school night to be driving in this weather. Meghan was unsure again of her decision to drive 30 miles out of town once again. She couldn't respect herself for letting it happen once again, but yet she find herself waiting so eagerly to arrive at her destination.

The curves of the road began to get more intense, and she realized that she was getting closer. It had been nearly two months since she had last made this drive up, but she knew that once she passed Academy Road that it was only another 10 minutes. Her hands began to tremble at the thought of pulling into town, but she steadied her hand and gave another glance out at the full moon past the mountains. The sky was a deep purple, as it was nearing sunrise within a few hours. Although she knew that meant she had almost no time to sleep once she got back home, the vision calmed her and she felt some sense of strange relief in the familiarity of the Shaver scenery.

As she turned into a isolated private road of her right, her nerves jumped and her heart began to race. Meghan hadn't really thought the night through but now that she was here again, she couldn't just turn around and drive back. The uneven cobble road ended abruptly and the thick mounds of dirt and rock caught her off guard causing her 2 week old Frappuccino cup to slide over and spill all over her dashboard. "F**k", she whispered under her breath. It smelled of rotten milk and it had leaked onto her newly opened pack of Marlboros. The car now reeked of sour Starbucks, and she rethought her impulsive habit and considered actually skipping coffee in the morning even though she was going to desperately need it.

After waiting ten minutes, Meghan flashed her lights in the pitch of the night as a sign that he had not seen her car pull up. Within five seconds she saw a light appear in the third room to the right. She took a short breath of relief that this was not his parents bedroom. Even though they hadn't been deeply concerned about their son's whereabouts for the past year and a half, Trevor would have been furious if they knew who was picking him up and about what hour it was. Although she had warned him previously that she needed him to hurry, of course he hadn't gotten together his things before she arrived. In fact, he took his time getting them together but after another long ten minutes the front door opened and she saw a dark figure appear in the moonlight in front of her passenger door.

Trevor placed his backpack in the backseat and then slammed the door before entering the car beside her. The two didn't make eye contact once on the ride into town, in fact both of them had thought about speaking they remained silent the entire trip. She was obviously tense, so she thought maybe music would alleviate some of the tension between them as that was something they almost always agreed on. Agreed is a simplistic way of describing their deep connection with music, it was the way they bonded when they first met. She reached for a cd she had made for him the Christmas before, three months after they had started seeing each other. As the beats progressed and he recognized the song and what it had meant, she sensed he became uncomfortable at the nostalgia because he shifted his position in his seat. She noticed that although he would always recline the seat in her car as if relaxed or at least trying to be, he had left it upright at a rigid ninety degree angle. She noticed his hair was unkempt and much longer than last she had seen him, but he was wearing semi-presentable clothes and new shoes. Strange considering the hour they were awake at. Meghan thinking that she would just climb into bed anyways when she got back threw on whatever was on her floor, although that probably had something to do with the mood she was in.

They pulled up and made an abrupt stop at the apartment he had never seen, curious as to where they were he made a guess at his unanswered question and went to grab his backpack. Meghan made an attempt to make eye contact with him as she memorized his movement out of the car and realized that he too was very disconcerted at his decision to see her again. From their body language, you would think that these two where strangers that didn't know what to say to each other. It was finding the words that was hard for them because they had too much coursing through their every breath, but still nothing escaped. Nothing was good enough to say, nothing was mean enough to say. It was better to just leave it unsaid. He followed her up the stairs and she reached for her keys in her purse.

Once they were inside, he pretended to be unimpressed at the obvious upgrade she had received. He had only known her old house that she shared with two other girls, and where he had spent the last year and few months living sporadically together as he dealt with his spiraling adolescence and ever growing struggle with depression. "You live alone?", he spoke in a low voice. He cleared his throat and seemed to feel some sense of small release as words finally escaped his mouth. She sighed and took a seat on her green futon he had never seen. "Alone. Yes, Did you want something to eat or..." He didn't respond, only with a shake of his head with his eyes on the newly vacuumed carpet. Trevor's eyes moved up quickly from the floor and caught her by surprise. Instantly, her nerves fluttered and she took a breath in and turned her head away. He walked over to her and didn't take his eyes off her even though she was too embarrassed to look back. Taking a place beside her on the couch, he took another glance around the living room before turning back to her.

He kissed her softly on the side of her face and she didn't really know how to respond. They hadn't really discussed what their relationship would entail once or if it was rekindled, but Meghan thought to remain emotionless as impossible. There had been so much said between them that she could never forget and she could imagine that anyone in love with someone else would ever think or say those things to another person. Especially her, after all she had done for him since they had met. Kissing was not something she thought was ideal because it evolved getting emotionally attached, but he was kissing her everywhere. She pushed his head away from her face somewhat violently after attempting a gentle suggestion, but he only moved to her neck and so it begins again.