It's Hard to be Good

Turning a real life experience into a call to everyone struggling to do the right thing.

The funniest thing happened to me today. I was driving home from having dinner with family. We had lasagna. I brought some of the leftovers home with me because I’m a poor medical student who lives student loan check to student loan check. As I stopped at a red light two blocks away from my apartment, I saw a homeless man on the corner literally eating out of the garbage. And I do mean literally. He was rummaging through a trash can, taking out cups thrown away by patrons of the nearby yogurt shop, and using a discarded spoon to scoop out what I can only assume was melted yogurt. It was disgusting on more than one level. I realized I had a choice: I could either A) give this man my leftover lasagna, or B) ignore this man entirely and go up to my apartment to be alone. I chose B. And I hated myself for choosing B. It could not have been a more perfect opportunity to be a good person and do the right thing. To help my fellow man in his time of need. But I didn’t, I did what everyone else who walks by this man on the sidewalk does: I kept walking.

            Less than an hour later, as I was trying and failing to study, I received a text from my aunt who had made the lasagna from the family meal earlier. She apologized because she realized she had accidently sent me home with a container of plain tomato sauce. No meat, no cheese, no noodles, just sauce. I rushed to the fridge to make sure, and started laughing when I discovered she was right. Just sauce. I immediately started laughing. I laughed because I was off the hook. What kind of jerk would I have been if I had given a homeless man a Rubbermaid container full of plain tomato sauce? Turned out I had actually dodged a bullet by not trying to help that man on the corner scooping melted yogurt out of the trash.

And just as quickly as I had started I stopped laughing. I stopped laughing because it was suddenly obvious to me that I had missed the point. I could have given that man anything, a tub of tomato sauce, a slice of bread, a Ritz cracker, a minute of my time, and he would have probably thanked me for it. Instead I gave him nothing. Nothing but pity. And all the pity in the world wouldn’t have added up to one grain of actual compassion.

It’s hard to be a good person. Don’t let anyone tell you differently. Selfish, hateful people have it easy. They have the luxury of doing or saying whatever they want without worrying about hurting other people’s feelings. You don’t have to worry about seeming cruel, or self-centered, or ignorant if you don’t care whether you seem cruel, self-centered, or ignorant. People who try to do what’s right, who try to care about others and respect different viewpoints, they have their work cut out for them. That’s why if you asked most authors and screenwriters, they would agree they would rather write about flawed antiheroes or complex villains than wholesome, virtuous heroes. Because it’s easier. And readers/viewers tend to prefer less-than-perfect protagonists. Who wants to be told a story about a character who’s an objectively better person than them? No one wants to be reminded that, at least at some point in their lives, they took the easy way out. That when life presented them with a difficult choice, they chose to help themselves rather than help someone else in need. They chose comfort over compassion. Self before service.

I failed to be a good person today. I took the easy way out. I helped myself when I could have helped someone in need. I chose comfort over compassion. Self before service.

But tomorrow, even though it’s hard, even though it’s uncomfortable, I’m going to try to be a good person. I’m going to greet people with a smile and a kind word. I’m going to hold the door open for people walking behind me. I’m going to share my leftovers with someone hungrier than me. Why? Because I want to. I want to be a good person. I want to do the right thing even when an easier, less valiant option is available. I want to help people even when it’s inconvenient and I’d rather just cower in my apartment.

But if it’s so hard and if people prefer stories about flawed antiheroes and villains anyway, why would I want to be a good person? President John F. Kennedy said it best when he said: “We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard, because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone…”. If we ever want to see a world where poverty, or disease, or hunger are no longer widespread problems, we have to make the hard choice to be good people. To step out of our comfort zones in the name of comforting others. To stand up for the rights of those who can’t stand for themselves. To extend a helping hand even when that hand might be slapped away. It takes effort to change the world, and it takes effort to inspire others to want to help. We must choose to do the right thing and keep choosing to do the right thing, not because it’s easy, but because it’s hard.