recovery

I would give it all away

all that has come from his loss

the poetry the music the love

what has filled the space he had

and that has made me what I am_

I would give it all away

the discovery of this independence

to return to the moment of ignorance

when all I formulated was with him 

withdrawn as I was in searching

I could not know what_

and I did not need to know it

as he was by my side to make believe

in touches that had no need to be fractioned

in still presence gathering beyond any distance

that was him or himself or himelse

as I had not to see what of it it was

feeling all that was not there to be

seen till it became visible in its loss,

that now has all the forms that fancy can take

as what it was is gone forever

as if it had never been there

as if what remains to be 

analyzed comprehended understood

were the impossible recovery

of what it might have been

him with him with me

but not till he had gone.

and I would give it all away

to go back at that moment

when I did not yet know

I would have regretted something

I was not able to see till I had lost it.