How I Used To Be

What I used to be, happy, fun, positive, creative, ambitious, a good friend and partner. The part of how I used to be is buried somewhere. In my darkest moments I forget all about her and everyone else. When a day comes, the day, you decide it's not worth it anymore. That day you disappear in the depths of the endless darkness. A day like today, as many others. When you get betrayed by the ones you trust, heartbroken by the ones you love and left behind by the ones who would always be there. The person I used to be, who is she? I have to invent someone new. A new me. One more betrayal and I won't be able to reinvent myself. Not only will my body fade but so will my existence. Just.Another.Person. Dead. 

I'm slowly becoming more distant to people who claim to love me because of those who promised and didn't. I want love, genuine kind.  The one that doesn't fade or get ruined. Something that lasts forever. I'm starving for that person, that feeling, that makes me feel like how I used to be.

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

What I have found through years of feeling this way...that the only way to have a true happiness is to find peace within rather than depending on the love of another...
If we become okay with ourselves...we more often find that others are more drawn to us.
I like the raw honesty of this piece. Plath and Sexton and Creeley were this honest in their poetry.
j.

[JMaster1]

That poem really touched me inside , your words are direct, powerful and honest

I'm slowly becoming more distant to people who claim to love me because of those who promised and didn't. I want love, genuine kind. The one that doesn't fade or get ruined. Something that lasts forever. I'm starving for that person, that feeling, that makes me feel like how I used to be.