Stars

The time has come but I cannot prepare myself to move.

The night was especially dark. No  moon, no stars, no breeze, no rain. I knew something was happening. It was quiet. The fog started rolling in; I could feel a shiver of panic creep up my back. I was on high alert tonight.

The week before hand was filled with emergency test sirens. I prepped for safety and emergency more than usual. I knew something was up. I read years ago about a big freak tsunami but I never thought it would happen in my life-time. I was always told the safe points to go to on high ground. Tonight I could feel it. Around 9pm the ground began shaking. Very unnoticed to most but not me. All day I was getting a feeling of sickness inside, the kind you get when you know something is happening but you don't know when or what. I woke up with the morning being extra gloomy and dark. No rain, just fog and darkness. All day was off setting.

Back to tonight, I stood by my window and looked up to see stars but I saw nothing. It looked as though the stars were all faded? Faint lights could be see in the distance moving. I assumed it was a plane. Its almost midnight and planes never fly over my house. Flags started going off in my mind. I was home alone and had no one to tell. They'd think i was crazy anyways. They’d tell me i was just over thinking things. Was i just looking too much into it? Maybe i was just hyping myself up. Could it all just be in my mind? I've been standing by my window ever since i felt the ground shake. Everyone else seem un-bothered. Maybe i just need more sleep. As I lay down on my bed it feels like feathers and i feel a sense of relief. My body is warm and i feel at ease. I am so warm that I don't even cover myself with my comforter. I begin to doze off. My mind half awake and half alert.

Around 3 am i hear fast cars driving by my house. Lots of loud cars flying through the gravel road.  Why the rush? Its 3 am who works this early in this town? I try to go back to sleep but the cars became rapid and louder. More of them drive by. I cant get the sound out of my head. So many cars. I look and they are army jeeps. Big army jeeps. They sound like they're right in my room. The sound surrounds me. Its everywhere. I feel my bed shaking. I jump up but i still feel like im shaking. My bed isnt moving. My floor is still and all my shelves are untouched. My hand are sweaty and i feel weak. I look out my window and i see stars.  So many stars everywhere. In the sky. And on the ground. They look like they’re falling. Tiny stars falling. My head feels weak. I cant move. I see stars falling and landing in my hand. They are on fire but i feel no pain. I dont feel anything. Im standing but i feel like im floating. I hear the sirens starting up again. I can feel them in my head. The sound travels through me and i can feel it. I cant close my hand to stop myself from letting these falling stars land. I can move at all. I feel warmer now. My lips are burning and my eyelids are hot. What is happening to me? It feel like the ground is shaking but nothing is moving. It just me. Im moving. Am i?

I hear something. Not sirens. Not cars or the sound of gravel hitting my window. It sounds like a voice. A voice. Coming from my hall. I want to move. I want the voice to stop. I cant make out what its saying. Its louder now and its closer. It sounds like its right outside my window. Or my door? I panic. I dont understand whats its saying. Or what it even is. I cant run from it and i cant stop it. A sudden rush of energy and force rushed through me and i fall. The voice is louder now. Its right next to me but i cant see anything. Im paralyzed. As i lay i can here the voice better. I can make out some words. Time and medicine. The only words i hear. “Its time…” the voice says. Its time? I close my eyes and open them. My vision is blurry and i cant blink again. My eyes feel hot and i cant do anything to stop it. “Its time for your medicine” i hear the voice clearly now. I feel nothing. My eyelids are no longer hot. My heart isnt racing. I feel a sense of relief again. No feeling of feathers this time. But the ground is soft. I close my eyes and fall. Im drifting off again. As i do my heart races again. I feel dread. I feel panic. What next? Whats going to happen next? Im shaking again. Im shaking and the voice is louder. Suddenly i feel cold. Really cold. I feel as though my skin is peeling and i cannot feel my hands. I clench my fists but i feel nothing. My skin is burning, burning off my bones. I see my bones from my flesh. Peeling and falling off. No flames and no more stars but the burning hasn't eased.

The voice is telling me to wake up. Wake up from what? I open my eyes again. Im in a room with white beds and padded walls. A women….the women with the voice is crouched next to my bed. I cant move but i see her. She smiles with her mouth and her eyes. I feel relief and warmth when she looks at me. “You’re awake” she smiles. I cant talk back but i look into her eyes and she knows im responding. She smiles more and rubs my shoulder. I try to grab her hand but i cant move. I move my head to look down and im in bed, not my bed. Not the one i remember. No blankets or pillows. Just a white mattress. It matches the padding on the wall. I look at my hands and i see nothing. No arms or hands. “Another dream? That's the fourth one this week” she says. Another dream? She leans down next to me “What is your name?” she asks. I do nothing but stare at her. My name. My name….what is my name?

She tells me my name and explains that im in a mental facility. I ask her about the stars that were falling into my hands. She smiles more and explains i was hallucinating. She tells me i kept slipping into seizures and staring at the walls asking about the stars. I ask her what happened to my hands and where they are, she says i lost them in battle. Battle? I was in the army? “It was an explosion that took your limbs.” She goes on to tell me im a ex army veteran and ive been in this facility for 12 years. “You have regular hallucinations, such as stars. This is the fourth time you’ve done this just in this week alone. Everyday you forget your name or sometimes you get creative and make up names.” My heart begins racing again. All of this was a hallucination? Is right now a hallucination? Suddenly my body burns again and my eyelids grow heavy. I feel myself slipping yet again.