Paper Towns

Quick sonnet for my english class. I know it's not all that good, but give me feedback?

We blindly view the world through sheepdog bangs,
Hidden, hiding. Cage away secret fears
Not stopping to see the birds,bees, and cranes.
Indifferent to their grimy onyx tears.
Too rushed, can't see the monster we are.
Drowning out the sounds of the world's cry,
damaged, see the perfection we've marred,
ignoring the acid rain and gray sky.

Watch the sunsets and smell the fresh air,
for the day comes when the world crumbles down.
And there will be only us to blame, care.
And there will be no more of our plastic towns.

Swish aside your deceitful bangs, see the light.
Ignore our manufactured lies

Author's Note

:) yeah. Please help?

Reviews

[deeps]

Now this is amazing, very well written and enjoyable imagery.

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

I like poetry that speaks of our world's troubles making us more aware.
This one does this .. as for the writing it is to me, very good..
We blindly view the world through sheepdog eyes.. that is a really nice line!
Great imagery and description for me . i love it .. did you get a grade yet?

Peace
Chloe