On One Condition

On One Condition

 

            “Hey, b***h.”

            “… Hey.”

            Hayley took a seat next to Jacques. Holding his cigarette in his mouth, he equipped his box of NEVER KNOWS BEST and pointed it at his friend as she sat.

            “Got one of those for�"” she began asking before she saw Jacques’ offer. She chuckled, took a cigarette. “Always know just what I want…” Hayley put the cigarette in her mouth.

            “Now, light me up, b***h.”

            Jacques rolled his eyes. Leaning toward Hayley, his own cigarette still between his lips, he pressed its lit tip to hers. She thanked him.

            “So…” Jacques began, cocking an eyebrow.

            “So…?” Hayley answered, cocking an eyebrow right back. 

            “You said you had something to say. Spill it.”

            “Slow your roll, b***h. I haven’t even taken a drag yet.” The woman winked and inhaled deeply. Jacques rolled his eyes again and inhaled deeper. Hayley raised her chin and blew smoke to the sky. “I dumped him.”

            Jacques choked on his drag.

            “Surprised? I’ve been talking about doing it for a while.”

            “Yeah,” Jacques coughed out. “But I didn’t know you’d actually do it!”
            “Got no faith in me? Saying I’m a loser, you little b***h?”

            “Just tell the f*****g story!”

            Hayley laughed, took another drag, and began: “I did it this morning�"just before I called you, actually. I had been thinking about it all of yesterday, which is why you couldn’t get a hold of me. Sorry about that, by the way.”

            “Just keep talking.”

            She took another drag. “It took, literally, the entire day to build up the courage to do it… I did all the breathing and all the exercising and all that other s**t that I read about, but none of it helped. It wasn’t until I remembered what you said to me a while ago, about how relationships are supposed to make you happy…”

            “And if you’re not happy, you need to do some evaluating.” Jacques finished. “I’m glad you remembered that.”

            “How could I not?” Hayley’s jerked her head in Jacques’ direction. “I couldn’t forget if I wanted to�"you pounded it into my head!”

            “Continue with the story, you w***e!”
            Hayley blew smoke in Jacques’ face and continued: “Anyway, I remembered what you said about relationships and it helped a little… A lot, actually. So, at about 2:00 AM, I finally picked up my phone and pulled up his contact…” she paused, puffed once more. “… And panicked. And it took me another two hours to get the courage back. Stop laughing, you b***h.”

            Jacques coughed, turned his face away from Hayley. “I’m not laughing, I’m chuckling. Keep going.”

            “Yeah, yeah… Well, I finally picked up my phone again after a couple hours. I really didn’t want to but I kept hearing your a*****e voice telling me what to do. ‘There are some things we want to do and some things we have to do’. I repeated that to myself about a hundred times before I called him, even repeated it while the phone was ringing…” Hayley chuckled weakly, feeling a slight bit of embarrassment in the remembrance of her moment of weakness.

            “You did it over the phone?” the man interrupted, suddenly concerned.

            “I know, I know…” Hayley put up a hand in a stopping motion. “I remember what you said, that things like this are best done in person, primarily out of respect for the situation and the person I’m talking to…”

            Jacques gave a small nod with a grimace.

            “… However, you’ve also said that respect is earned�"and he’s earnedno respect.”

            Jacques smiled from ear-to-ear.

            “He was pretty mad at me calling him so early and I had to assure him twice that this was too important to wait, as well that he wouldn’t have to do any talking, just listening. Once I got him to stop cursing at me… Well…”

            “Well…?”

            Hayley kept silent, a small grin beginning to take form.

            “Well what!?”

            “…”

            “REVEAL YOUR SECRETS, YOU W***E!”

            Hayley choked on her drag and burst into laughter. “I’ll continue the story, b***h… On one condition.”

            “Ugh…” Jacques rolled his eyes. “What is it?”

            “Nothing bad�"you just have to do me one favor: whatever I ask, whenever I ask for it.”

            “Sounds terrible.”

            “You want to hear the rest of the story, don’t you?”

            “… Continue.”

           Hayley smiled triumphantly. “So, he stopped cursing at me long enough for me to tell him that we’re through. He paused for a sec, asked me what the Hell I was on about, and I just spilt the beans.”

            “Did you use the list we made?”

            “Sort of: I wasn’t reading off of it but I did hit its points through memory. Told him I wouldn’t take his abuse, his neglect, definitely not his cheating… He didn’t believe me at first: said I was bullshitting, that I should stop wasting his time. It took a few tries to convince him that I was serious and he wasn’t too happy when it finally got through to him.”

            “I assume there was a lot of yelling.”

            “You assume right. He told me I was making a huge mistake, would regret it for the rest of my life, that he was settling for me and I’d never find someone as good as him… Then, he asked me something interesting…”

            “Yeah?”

            Hayley hesitated. “… He asked me if I had been talking to you.”

            Jacques’ eyebrows hopped. “What did you tell him?”

            “I told him the truth: I’ve talked more to you in the past month than I’ve talked to him over the course of our relationship. Heh, then he asked me…. He asked me if I was leaving him for you.”

            “Hah, what a moron…”

            “And I said yes.”

            Jacques nearly dropped his cigarette, now nearly a mere butt. He looked over to Hayley: she refused to meet his wide-eyed gaze. She closed her eyes slowly and inhaled deeply.

            “I think it’s time for that favor…”

            “W-What do you want…?”

            “Light me up.”

            Jacques looked to Hayley’s hand�"the cigarette she’d just been given was put out on the concrete between her legs. Jacques rolled his eyes, mind uneasy as he tried to understand his friend’s brain. He leaned to his right, away from Hayley, to equip the lighter in his pocket. The girl’s face was mere inches from his when he turned back around. He jumped slightly, dropping his nub of a cigarette. Hayley’s desperate eyes finally met his. Her lips drew nearer to Jacques’ at a snail’s pace.

            “What are you�"?”

            “I told you: light me up. B***h.”

            Jacques’ chest heaved rapidly, yet his eyes began to close. His mind began to go blank, yet slowly he slid closer to Hayley. A tiny smile appeared on Hayley’s face.

            Jacques and Hayley kissed.

            Their nearest fingers became laced. A single tear ran down Hayley’s cheek. Hayley squeezed Jacques’ hand. Their lips parted and foreheads touched. Both had eyes closed as they regained their breath.

            “Is it alright…” Hayley asked. “That I left him for you…?”

            “I’ve been praying for it since the day we met.”

            They kissed again.

            And again.

            And again.

A.D.