Death of the Phoenix

A poem I wrote about the highs and lows of life, suicide, and the unceasing struggle between good and evil

Death of the Phoenix

 

I sat in a chair one day

and began to meditate.

I cherish this regretful meditation;

For its truth,

I found,

Was quite devastating.

                Sitting upright in the desolate room

With pictures of unattained goals attached to the walls,

I thought to myself,

“Who the hell wants to live forever?”

And more importantly,

why?

                Loudly dormant in my mind

Lied a phoenix.

But in this meditation,

Its colors had

Dampened.

                                There was no red passion flame,

Only omnipotent black.

                                No joyful yellow sparks,

Just leprous white.

                                No unique orange embers,

Only bitter-truth gray.

Its wings spread through my mind.

 

Noticing its beak I began to ponder….

“How do you kill the unkillable?

How do you murder Joy?

How do you erase all goodness?

Passion, love, and happiness?”

 

Crying pitifully, the titan showed me that,

Select few are born to be denizens of light.

Innocent by nature, and incapable of malice.

These souls light up the world with their smile,

They relish on all things passionate; love, smiles,

jokes, happiness, warmth, and making love through once lonely nights.

 

In the midst of my meditation

I found myself a denizen.

I don’t say this for praise;

I’m just speaking of a condition.

Of GREAT JOY, PEACE, AND WARMTH WITHIN EVERY SOUL.

As I think to myself, and ponder beyond my miserable being, I think

“Has mankind lost this?”

It seemed that with the passing of time

Responsibilities are mounted, and therefore

Stress latches on, not like a fly, but an overbearing

Leech, hungry for your strength, but more so for the warmth of your heart

How it strives for its sustenance by taking what makes life enjoyable,

livable, and even tolerable.

The titan carried me through my self-imploding mind,

I watched,

as the ashes burned happiness through our journey’s wake.

I came then to realize that Joy is an affliction,

for it never leaves.

It thrives within the heart

and beams throughout the body.

However joy comes at ONE regretful price,

one of which would explain why the world is so cold.

For with joy comes everlasting despair.

There is no gray,

no median between

The fires of Joy

and the icy contempt of Despair.

When one takes hold, the other resides,

 Dormant,

 waiting to take your body

I have joy, but what I desire most is peace.

I long so sweetly for the ending of all wars.

I prayed for all violent confrontations to end,

whether they are commenced by the sword, the gun shell, or the heart.

I ached for a median,

a rest between their confrontation.

I needed them to stop.

 I agonized, wanting one to win.

To be honest,

…I rooted for despair.

For I thought, “What is joy to only have despair waiting in the midst?”

“How fitting?” I thought.

When the chasms of darkness seep into the soul

And maybe so my hands that will help me end this.

Maybe,

Just maybe,

then I will have peace and everlasting joy,

Stemming from the end of all external and internal confrontation.

How beautiful was this magnificent titan.

Joy incarnate.

The Dead Phoenix.

 

And I realized the answer to age old conundrum.

“How do you kill the phoenix?”

How do you destroy

The blazing titan of fiery joy?”

Let its flames burn bright in a world of cold shoulders,

malcontent, greed, malice, and broken spirits.

Let it burn and spread warmth and light to the

Darkest reaches of the mind, the universe, and soul of God.

….Then it will be done.

For the climax of fire is to be extinguished.

Then all there will be is ashes,

Glorious,

Beautiful ashes.

And no life will stem from them,

Because all of it has been used.

Warm ashes are coals damaged,

But not burnt out to exhaustion.

Still retaining the ability to ascend like

Christ to the heavens above.

 

Cold ashes, however are a different story. No life stems from it.

I desire peace, so I don’t choose to warm them.

In the reaches of a self imploding mind,

I stand in the midst of cold ashes

with fire in my hands.

 

 

Author's Note

Its still a work in progress. Everyone feel free to comment.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A beautiful and powerful poem my Poet friend. You are a good writer. You see the good and the bad in our world. I like the desire for understanding in this poem. I lost two brothers to suicide. It taught me to say nothing negative and be careful with my actions. The poem could be added to. You open the door to a wide topics with many answers. Thank you for the outstanding poem.
Coyote

[Chris Jones]

Thanks. And I'm sorry that happened to your brothers, I know that must be something close to your heart

[MeganAlyssa]

I loved this. I try, and much too often fail, to write a poem that makes anyone feel anything. And I felt something here. I love your writing! Keep it up(:

[Chris Jones]

Thanks so much for the review

[abraxus89]

I love the visuals in this, its really easy to picture what your trying to portray.

i also feel what it is your trying to get across and express, well done!