Walking

Walking

A Story by Archia
"

A boy and a girl walk together whilst sharing their secrets

"

He sat staring out at the wind whistling through the trees, the air made no sound but the waves that pushed it resounded in his ears. Nearby a dove called out, singing its praise to the world. A crack played into his ear and he turned his head slowly, looking for the silent steps. Standing quaintly was a small girl, a tight green dress covering her arms and neck, flowing down into the soft dirt. Her straight black hair flew down over her back, dropping to her hips. He stared directly into her depth of purple eyes as she stood there with an age further than her twelve years, her eyes driving into the boy.

She in turn sought out the boy, spreading her eyes over his figure. He sat, back pushed against the tree, dappled brown hair spread unruly over his head. His stained clothes held rips and tears of dirt. She didn’t think twice about his black eyes, gazing into hers. Unlike the girl he seemed as if he had only just passed his sixteen years.

They waited, relinquishing silent knowledge throughout the air, sharing unknown secrets that called out with song.

He rose, dusting raw dirt off his already stained clothes, never blinking from the pools of purple. He stepped towards her, trying to hide his precarious steps.

She glanced at his steps and instantly saw his silent message. He was afraid.

He saw her glance and instantly saw her silent message. She knew.

They paced together, a foot apart, feet bounding over the earth in perpetual uniform. If they broke the conformity and looked back they would’ve seen no unbroken dirt from their voiceless steps. But there was no need to look back, for what was there to look for? They need not bother with the moulded grass, whose shaped stalks held past secrets of unaccountable triumphs and failures. Nor the wooden trees whose trunks grew to meet the clouds above.

They heeded every step they paced eyeing the future of their travels. Each step they took placed another secret into the others mind slowly bringing forward unknown pasts and futures.

After many hours of silent passing they quickly noticed the slight changes in their ambience. The grass wound higher, showing its darker tone. The trees were diminishing, showing their bright top leaves. Although they took in every minute piece they did not shift their pace nor pause the flow of knowledge that passed through their ingenuous minds.

Then together they slowed, still keeping in time, but taking longer to move each foot from the ground.

Throughout their travels he had slowly eased his mind, becoming less afraid of the future. As the girls past and future flowed unto him, he had learnt about her nature and knew that she would not hurt him but nor would she keep him safe.

She felt his fear and as his mind ticked over his thoughts she accepted them, touching on his fear; embracing what she had never felt.

They did not falter in their steps nor their silent passing, not one thing made them stop for they had no need to.

They felt it before they saw it. The dry heat of empty plains, the vapidness of life. They rounded the corner and before them lay the dusty sheets of sand, tumbling into eternity.

They faltered at the edge of trees, feet unmoving on the dirt.

Their unplanned goal balanced throughout the horizon, bringing the scent of emptiness and a new beginning.

Then, once again in unity, they stepped forward and brought their futures into the same light. As they stepped the girls dress, once green, transformed into a sandy yellow, bringing the dust to life. Again they walked sharing secrets, lightening their pasts.

Suddenly the boy stopped and turned his ragged body towards their farewell. The trees, standing solid in the silent air. The grass, swiping with the wind. The path, no prints embedded in the dirt. And as he traced the path to the sand he noticed the colours with which the two terrains held. The green musk of earth, the dry dust of sand. As he stared a quiet thought entered his mind which flowed smoothly to the girl.

Clashing with Harmony.

The boy felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to come face to the girl, a smile touching her face. Her purples eyes showed sorrow for his past loss and he knew that she was truly sorry.

He stared out at his new destination and began to pace away from his old life. As they stepped he continued to pass knowledge to the girl, but now, as she gathered his life, he released it. Every thought he threw to her, he forgot, planting them in the back of his memory, the place where no one goes. And the girl took the thoughts, remembering them for when he wanted to reminisce.

They paced quickly through the sand, leaving no imprint on the windswept plains. No green marked the millions of grains, no animal scuttled across the barren earth.

But though little life invaded their wake, they still noticed every detail. The way the hill curved to form a perfect agglomeration, each iota in exact place.

And now they turned their slight attention to the cloudless sky where no bird dared fly. The even tone of blue swam through the sky, following the horizon.

The girl was unsurprised at the thoughts that flowed into her mind, the things the boy had seen and done, the things he wanted to forget. As the sand sailed around them, his thoughts like, the sand, sailed to her, sweeping deep into eternity.

Over many hills they stepped, passing with each step a new loss built with a gain.

Upon a mould they came, eyeing the hill with theoretical certainty, without pausing their barrage of histories.

They effortlessly lugged themselves above the dune and saw before them, their final goal.

Before them lay a reprise from the humid dunes. A vast blue spread to the edges of the horizon, slowly lapping at the sand, a cool wind vibrating from its depths onto their faces.

They continued to walk until they came to the very edge of where the water lapped the sand. There they stopped taking in the coolness of the sea and the vastness of which they had walked. And once again a thought came to the boys mind which flowed smoothly to the girl.

Clashing with harmony.

The girl turned to him and he repeated her actions, turning to face her placid face. A nod by her and he reached out and clasped her unexpectedly cold hand.

Together they stepped in unison, entering the cold depths of the blue, the girl feeling her dress grow heavy, the boy feeling the coolness against his skin.

The depths welcomed them, encompassing their bodies, covering them in its watery wake.

And as the boy thought about the girl, he realised the differences between them which had brought them together and a thought came to his mind which, for the last time, flowed smoothly to the girl.

Clashing with harmony.

 

 

 

 

 

 

© 2012 Archia


Author's Note

Archia
Okay, so you are probably thinking that I need to shorten it. Well, I am going to say now that I have tried and I have failed. Whenever I went to change a sentence I just made it even more confusing. So, instead I shall tell anyone who wishes to hear what actually is meant to happen in the story.
There is a boy, there is a girl, they go for a walk and whilst they do they share their past with each other. In the end they walk into the water and essentially die. And that is essentially it.
Anymore questions or comments or anything, please don't hesitate to ask.

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Reviews

There really is no way to cut it is there? Any more than one can cut the intricate steps of a dance or the notes from a piece of music...syzygy...

Posted 8 Years Ago


Personally I love when finished reading, I'm left to think about what I just read. The detail is amazing, I liked how you left out dialogue and pretty much just stuck the characters in like they were a part of the detail. It was peaceful to read this, entering a new world and you're not stuck with other characters' emotions.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Your way with your words, i just love it......
This didn't need a story line.... The first line of your description endorses the fact...
You sure know how get my eyes gawk at the screen without even blinking....
Rock on!

Posted 9 Years Ago


I liked this, but like Elemenopy, I felt like I was trying to figure out a Rubik's cube. It's obviously well written, I can see that. And I think the boy was homeless, but I got so lost in the flower description and the metaphors I couldn't see where I was going, like walking blind through a tunnel, I was disoriented and couldn't tell up from down. I can't understand the purpose and I'm sure if you took out all the description there's be like seven words left, there's too much! Just tone it down a bit so we can actually understand what you are trying to convey. I love all your other writing though!

Posted 9 Years Ago


Hmm, I came away from reading this as confused as a retard trying to figure out a rubik's cube. I think you have shown that you can give some in depth descriptions and paint out a very....very...very...very colorful picture of the world around the reader, but there comes a point where even too much sugar is bad. It was overwhelming, the depth you went into throughout this entire piece. I got so lost in it that at one point I was just like uh, what the hell...

I honestly have no idea what happened in the story. I know there were two characters, a girl and a boy...and then after that it is a big blur of coolness and vastness and enough adjectives to fill a novel. Short stories need to be simple. I am not saying get rid of all the description, just tone it down. Bring the reader into the story by the emotion given off by the characters. Give them some dialogue, it is hard for us to relate to a silent culture... unless you are deaf, then I suppose it makes perfect sense.

Anyways, that is all I will say. I didn't even touch on grammar, I was much too lost in the story. Keep writing.

Posted 9 Years Ago


I'm going to be honest here, because it might just be the fact that it's not really my type of writing, or whether it is the way it is written - but I do have an issue with this. Your vocabulary and attention to detail is impressive, but it just seems far too detailed for me. It's the kind of depth I'd expect to find in dark poetry. It seems that you dwell on a certain factor for so long that it fails to hold the attention and in a much longer story, this scene could be summed up in a well worded paragraph.

This probably sounds harsh but I am basing the review on this peice and nothing else - and therefore, this style may work very well on a different subject matter. The boy and the girl seems a trivial thing for such depth and emphasis. I think, when involving character relationships, they are emphasised a lot more by the building of the character - meaning that the character's personality and likability / dislikability needs to shine. And on that basis, this style of depth would work a lot better on say, an event. Perhaps an object in nature and the natural occuring things which need no background. Food for thought.

So, I have no problem with the concept, and I have no problem with the writing style. Just, together they don't seem to work so well as it becomes broken and long winded. But I have learned something very positive from reading your piece, and I class this peice as experimental. So, thank you for sharing. And my sincere apologies if you thought I was being harsh.

Posted 9 Years Ago



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Added on August 3, 2011
Last Updated on February 9, 2012
Tags: secrets, clashing, walking

Author

Archia
Archia

About
Really, I'm just one of you. Come in, sit down, grab a cup of tea and enjoy a good read (now that may be a questionable statement). If there's anything in any of my stories that you want to be exp.. more..

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