Dream of a Dream

I'm not sure what's up with this piece- but I like it. The universe eyed woman shows up in a lot of my poems, as will become apparent as I post more

I saw in my sleep last night daffodil women climbing up a mountain side
Beautiful against the sheer rock
Bright petals, more pigment than anything else, wrapped like dresses around
Unforgiving figures of stone
And ceramic pots full of rose-hips swollen with the promise of growth
Two first year sparrows making a nest in the oldest oak
And this is where I stopped trying to make sense out of anything
Existing and feeling for no rhyme or reason, just being
I watched the last tuft of his fledgling feathers get caught in the creviced bark    
As he flew off, the hatchling was no more
A girl with kites for eyes, always trying to fly them to the clouds
Whose kite eyes his wings clipped as he flew by

I saw clay bowls full to the brim with wash water and
The leaves she pulled from her elflocks of hair
I saw a sapling with bark rubbed bare by the wind
And I saw him
                              Smiling
I saw ballerinas in fresh trenches, sonnets and chemical warfare
And the universe-eyed woman
                               "I dreamed a dream, and saw the unforeseen"
Neglectfully, and to my regret, I responded
                               "But you're just a dream of a dream"
                               "I know. " She punctuated her speech with a kiss on my brow
                               "But now I have to go" 
And before I had the chance to ask her where to, I woke
Never before has an alarm committed murder

Author's Note

I'm aware that all of my writing needs some serious help- that's why I'm posting! All reviews are welcome and much appreciated.

Reviews

[Midnight_Mask]

Amazing poem, I loved the poem as a whole. But especially the last stanza and in the end something so normal, committed murder. Deep and powerful.
Good write, Keep it up! =D

[...]

... oh no ... for the alarm ... ah amazing ... for the poem ... a very trippy right with a great narrative and beautiful imagery ... an awesome read ...

[emmajoy]

'A girl with kites for eyes, always trying to fly them to the clouds
Whose kite eyes his wings clipped as he flew by' .. apart from these lines which I found discordant, this is an entertaining, flowing poem with some grand metaphors.

[TwilightReverie]

i liked the rhymes and those lovely words that don't bluntly rhyme but add areal fluidity to the piece. My favorite lines were "A girl with kites for eyes, always trying to fly them to the clouds/ Whose kite eyes his wings clipped as he flew by". Awesome metaphor, Multiple rhyme words speckled throughout. Good job! Sorry i cant be more critical, i think its pretty well done, kinda free verse in places but that's not a bad thing as it rhymes beautifully. It'd be great as a song in my opinion :P Keep up the good work