Heart

Heart

A Poem by Ari
"

Just lingering thoughts that have never been captured into words until now.

"

It’s gone.

I think I always knew it was,

Don’t know when exactly,

Don’t know how exactly,

Just that it precisely did just that.

 

Did I ever really have it when I felt so much?

And when I feels so much, does it visit?

 

You can’t come and go as you please.

(I even shout it to the world)

Then again,

Sometimes I feel that I don’t deserve it anyway.

 

I turn away to charge my batteries,

Then I find myself draining again anyway.

I have a leak that’s progressing,

I can’t find the hole.

How can I patch it?


Am I a direct reflection of the abuse inflicted on my soul? 

On others?

On myself?


Discontent.

With self.

With lack.

It's not enough,

Is it ever?

But I don't ask for much.


Just the right kind of kind.

I'll be yours, if you be mine.


I'll give you what I can when I'm full.

But when I'm empty, 


I have nothing.


It happens more than it should.


I have nothing, 


Nothing to give.

 

Am I ill or am I just insane?

 

A silly person stuck in the head,

 

Too worried to feel anything else.

Too worried to be felt,

Too worried to feel for anyone else.

 

I feel nothing at all.

Then feel too much.

Come or go, make up your damn mind.

 

I just need consistent love.

Love never came my way when I needed it the most.

And neither,

Has my heart

© 2023 Ari


Author's Note

Ari
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Added on May 13, 2016
Last Updated on February 19, 2023
Tags: Self realization, discontent, anxiety, unmotivated, loss, misunderstood, misinterpreted, silenced, saddened, ill, loner, lone wolf, empty, self destruct, loathing, self abuse

Author

Ari
Ari

THE PLAINEST OF THE PLAIN, IL



About
I'm an INFP (and I am currently at combat with my depression/anxiety)... I prefer the unusual, unconventional things in life. I prefer to watch psychological thrillers like: "Gone Girl", "American Psy.. more..

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