Dauntless

stand your ground and fight

The endless pandemonium of perception

One could be a hero today and a villain the next day

There is no telling what awaits in the near or far future

An array of things could cause such perceptions

Be it shifts in power structures 

Changes in the parameters of success

Or by the acquisition of new knowledge 

Everyone battles to protect their cause

Without much question on its validity 

Also without consideration for alternative views

I dare not deem anyone who aligns with the norms as unreasonable

For it could be a simple survival strategy

Aimed at attaining some kind of reward

Hence the ever transformative patterns of living

Therefore there is a constant contention of values

Thereby assuring daunting oppositions to existence

The farther one progresses the more they emerge

However to maintain reasonableness one must be sturdy

Unwavering from your standpoint

For if one is viewed as heroic or villainous may not hold relevance

What truly matters is what you do next

Author's Note

what do you think?

Reviews

[JayG]

Well, you did ask…

The problem that hit me is that in your posted work, it’s you talking to the reader about your personal views, presented as a series of declarative statements—essay style. But has the reader asked? Do they want to know how you, someone unknown, feel? Are you burning, for example, to learn my world-view? Or, are you seeking to be moved, emotionally, by a poem’s words?

Reports are fact-based and author-centric. But poetry is emotion-based, and mostly, character-centric, as is fiction. With poetry, how you state it matters as much as what you say. But, because of the nonfiction approach used, this reads more like an essay broken into lines than a poem.

Remember, as you read your own work, you have perfect understanding, because you have the backstory that caused you to write it. And, you have intent for the meaning and relationships within the wording, while the reader has only what the words suggest to them, as they’re read. And, because you add emotion that the reader can’t know to place there as they read, the poem lives…for you.

Yes, things that seem confusing as they’re read may clarify as we read on, but if the words lack context, the reader will turn away, and never see that clarification. As has been so often said, there is no second, first impression.

Look at the words, not as the informed author, but as the reader, newly arrived and unaware of your existence before they begin to read.

• The endless pandemonium of perception

First, because the line is a sentence fragment, with no subject, how is it to be taken? There’s no period, so the reader expects the sentence to be continued, with something like, “The endless pandemonium of perception IS….” But that’s not how you intended it. So here, and because the reader has no access to your intent, your perception and the reader’s diverges.

• One could be a hero today and a villain the next day

And mashed potatoes have no bones. Both that, and your statement, are true, yes, but why state the obvious? One could also be both hero and villain, or neither or....

• There is no telling what awaits in the near or far future

Isn’t this what you said in the previous line, restated? Don’t both lines say, “The future is unclear?” In fact, you restate this in pretty much every line.

• However to maintain reasonableness one must be sturdy
Unwavering from your standpoint

You just told the reader to ignore all input and data, and never change your view based on evidence. Might not be your intent, but it is what you said.

My point? Write from your chair, of course, but ALWAYS edit from the seat of the reader, using only what they know and react to as they read. And always keep in mind that our goal is to move the reader emotionally, not inform them. We don’t tell the reader we cried at the funeral, for example, we give them reason to weep.

A really good resource is the Shmoop site. They have lots of great, and successful, poetry there, analyzed to great depth, to show how and why it worked so well.

One of my favorites is The Cremation of Sam McGee. It’s structured, which isn’t what you write, but it demonstrates just how deeply you can draw a reader in by the care with which you handle the elements of prosody. (https://www.shmoop.com/cremation-sam-mcgee/poem-text.html)

To browse what’s available, when you get to the Shmoop site, select Student, then, use the button to the left of the midpage search-window to select Poetry.

So…I know this wasn’t what you were hoping for, but you did ask, and, since we’ll not the address a problem we don’t see as being one, I thought you’d want to know,

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/

[Quill]

Can't say I often know what to expect but like you said I did ask.