My Black Dog

"F**k it!"

The cold steel in my palm beckons the end be nigh. I have the power to pull back on this trigger and let it do its duty. For I cannot bare to go on knowing what I know. Wouldn't be so cold to point it yonder only that I see a disheveled reflection staring back at me. I wouldn't let society deal with what I've become lest I hurt someone. I'd finish the menace first, me.

The first year I saw the walls steeped in dirt. These people making bid its grotty touch. It frightened me. The first time I got there in the cold dark hours of morning. Days would pass and their filthy vows rent ever so repetitive were aimed squarely at me. 

I couldn't understand why they chose me as their doormat. To walk over and blame for letting the mud through. I felt all I had was that I would make a vow, that I would do what they couldn't, each and every day. And that mindset changed everything. The school got cleaner. 

The day cleaner was the biggest pig of a man I have ever met. But it soon came to pass there were three other more lecherous beings there also. Drinking on the grounds and designing a myriad of words of abuse. 

I hated the day cleaner and his friends. They badgered me everyday. The lecherous three astounded me with the magnitude of their wrongdoing. However I worked hard every day dealing with their abuse. 

I fought hard in my martial arts and disciplined my mind to stave of the tendancy to be like them. But abuse on a constant deems the victim as none other than the ultimate cause of their pain.

I later learnt that that is a trait of all bullies. That whilst they they are hated they need a scapegoat for their crimes.

Years went by, the day cleaner became even worse and more obsessed with disapproving everyones peace. Foul language heard by innocent ears and the leeches became more bold with their otherwise frowned upon habits.

They hated me because they hated themselves. I didn't know it at the time. Repulsive men came and went in a faculty designed to harbour them.

In my third year the pervert came. I'd go through the motions of his depraved activities but it was so blatent I'd skip to to the part where I'd say "unbelievable!" He got to fancy me because others did too.Little did I know he did because they did. /he could reap the reward of my yield. I couldn't offer it to him though because it wasn't my crop. If you take whats not yours your a thief. And you hunt whats adored it becomes apparent your a sick man. Like I said "unbelievable!"

The pig became piggier and the leechs more lecherous, and the pervert so true it was textbook.

Then came his infatuation with a girl. He wanted her to no ends. And for me not recognising that fact could've got me into huge trouble. But I stayed true.

It was an incredible story when I moved in with him. I didn't know he was that bad. But he raped my mind so badly I've never been the same. But collectively them all together is why I have this gun to my head.

We dealt with him when I got out of there. He would hunt me down every day and I had to think of more creative ways to repulse him. Just so he wouldn't hurt me. He did because he couldn't have what I did, a seemingly good life. He hated me for it. It became largely apparent he was a pervert. When we realised he displayed all the traits of one. I fought hard and vigilant.

I knew in my seventh year there he would lose it completely by me being as fresh as possible. It seemed if he couldn't have you he hated you and he had many other victims. He lost it completely, an absolute fuckwit.

The day cleaner left finally after his tenth year and ten years of filth left with him. The leeches disbanded but the pervert remained. I took as much as I could but fell victim to social stigma of society. I'll never be the same and will never be accepted the same again. The seemingly only outcome to silent victims.

Now I'm here with this gun pointed at my head.

The past keeps going over in my mind.

I'm a victim.

I'm making a choice.

I put the gun down

I've made my choice.

I'm not suicidal.