Arose

I loved and lost. This poem poured out of my heart one night, waking me from sleep begging to be captured in print.

He rose, my Rose, to promise life and love.
From fertilest soil of youth he sprung, in answer
To the question of my heart. His roots,
With mine commingled, intertwined.  Inseparable,
Giving life each to the other. Where he grew,
I also grew; where he receded, I declined,
Following him through the springtime of my life.
His thorns, my shelter; my warmth, his comfort,
We grew, symbiotically, toward the Light.
I glimpsed such blessed life, such happiness!
Yet, the life he rose to give was not for me.
Love's promise answered to another's heart.
Soon wilting, lacking light in which to grow,
With roots so bound and choked, I slowly fade.
In view and reach of all I need to thrive,
I'm plucked and tossed onto the compost heap--
Just one more weed who'd thought herself a Rose.

Author's Note

I'm new to this, and sincerely seeking critical feedback on this free verse poem, ways it could be improved, and guidance in how to best capture imagery.

Reviews

[Einstein Noodle]

i think the success of this poem is in the outpouring of deep felt love and pain and grief ..(i read your note) i like the word play with the title, the weaving of the garden throughout along with the rose .. i think your imagery is fine .. i admire your desire to improve but i don't think i would change a thing .. waking from sleep and having a poem pour out is pretty cool .. again..i wouldn't change it .. the ending lines are so, so sad .. one can read a whole lot into those lines .. ;)
E.

[Ella]

Very touching, keep writing

[Ashfallen]

Thank you. :)

[Ashira Macy]

"Just one more weed who'd thought herself a Rose."

That final line made me want to cry. You certainly don't seem like you are new to this, your words were beautiful and seemed to flow very well. Beautifully articulated heartbreak.

[Ashfallen]

Thank you so much.
The last line absolutely made me cry when it came out of the pen.

[Ashira Macy]

You're very welcome. The emotion was not lost to your readers, that is for sure.

[мalғy]

You went and made it seem so real that it was a blossoming emotion of hearts intertwining with the vines and that the thorns where the shelter he rose from in my eyes, A truly good read. Worth reading and you have a talent!! Kepp it up hun

[Ashfallen]

Thank you so much. I appreciate your review, thanks!

[SmittyJas]

I'm In Love with the First Line-He rose, My Rose, To promise life and love. Very strong I would of rather of seen that rose flourish in the sun light and be given as a gesture of Love. But its your creative write and its beautiful the way it is. Keep writing.

[Ashfallen]

I would have rather seen the rose flourish in the sun as well, believe me. ;)
Thank you so much for reading, reviewing and the kind words.

[Kaitlynn A. Black]

Wow! You capture the heart pulse in such a rich and textured way with your words. Solid and silky imagery woven delicately with the human soul and anguish of lost love. You've got a splended flow in this piece. Not only does it flow well as a piece read, but if flows in shape and form as well. This is amazingness! Two thumbs UP!

Hugs - Kate

[Ashfallen]

Thank you so much for the incredibly kind review. I truly appreciate you taking the time to read and review, and am happy you enjoyed the piece. :)

[MAD ENGLISHMAN]

An excellent metaphorical poem. I love the descriptions.
You know the saying : a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. I'm sure your other rose is out there.
Very well done.

[Ashfallen]

Thank you very much for the kind words. :)

[W.k.kortas]

There's a wee bit of Browning here, with the strong narrative voice and the logical flow of the metaphor from start to finish. My only complaint--and it's a tiny one--is that the piece has such a classical feel, and I think the tone of the final two lines gets away from that just a wee bit. Still, it's very strong and well-built work.

[Ashfallen]

Thank you for the review, and kind words. Curious, on the final two lines, did anything else come to mind that you would suggest? I ask, because I actually had that feel as well when I was creating it, and had a very hard time finishing it. Thank you so much for the helpful and constructive review!

[Benita-Staebell M - Kin..]

WOW I am in love with this poem the red Rose is my favorite flower
even though I love many different flowers I do love the red rose I like
to see what flower someone is like me I'm the red rose I am in love with love.


My mother is the Yellow one Because she has hair like sunshine
and she's from Texas the yellow rose is the Texas rose.



I really loved these stanza's lines.

His roots,
With mine commingled, intertwined. Inseparable,
Giving life each to the other. Where he grew,
I also grew; where he receded, I declined,
Following him through the springtime of my life.
His thorns, my shelter; my warmth, his comfort,
We grew, symbiotically, toward the Light.
I glimpsed such blessed life, such happiness!
Yet, the life he rose to give was not for me.
Love's promise answered to another's heart.





Thank you for sharing this Amazing piece of work
I truly enjoyed this I do Free verse writing also and
you Nailed it just perfect here in this poem.



Blessings. kindred poet

[Ashfallen]

Thank you so very much for such delicious words of praise. I ate them up! :)
I'm happy that you enjoyed this, thank you again!

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

You're very welcome. it was a pleasure to read. Blessings. Benita / Kindred poet

[KWP]

wow - love your words and depth and imagery
I love the flow and the rhythm
a long drawn out moment in time that offers such lessons
I would not say that I am a writer of any level but as I believe we can all learn from each other.. the other day i was listening to a podcast and they were talking about 'mise en scene' and how to look at each word on the page and see what purpose you have given it ... I have been thinking about this a lot lately ... I found it to be an excellent pointer ..

saying that - I enjoyed your poem a lot and look forward to reading more xx

[Ashfallen]

Thank you so much for the review, the kind words, and for the pointer. Love it!