Pride (Seven Deadly Sins Series)

The deadliest sin.

Very few beings on this earth could boast

Of being blessed with more talents than most;

But I was so special, witty, and smart -

Features sculpted like Athenian art.

 

My smile could part oceans, start and end wars.

Like Helen of Troy, beauty to the core,

My tale is tragic like fair Narcissus

Brought to a close by those who were jealous.

 

As I gazed upon the stagnant water

My image causing balance to totter

Into my own immaculate embrace,

Submerged in my cool and reflective grace.

 

Downward I plunged to the steel gates of hell

Where naught but loathsome, ugly creatures dwell

All desirous of my pure radiance -

Damned me, doomed me, eternally sentenced

 

Neck always garnished with drab slabs of stone

Face buried within the cold soil alone

I wail and yearn for those days long since dead

When I was not forced to bow my vain head.

Author's Note

At long last here is the final entry in my Seven Deadly Sins series: Pride in the form of a Ballad. Pride is supposed to be the worst sin, the one that all of the others sprout out of. Let me know what you think. Comments? Suggestions?

Reviews

[raj24]

pride.....as a sin.. for me is a ladder.. opening your doors towards the fall... a feeling that makes you believe you are superior than anyone around.. forgetting that without success even you were nothing.. in your words i found how people feel jealous of someone and i saw a reflection of our downfall in our own pride... the picture of hell showed what we are heading up to... people find it hard to respect others success but they find it even hard to accept the reasons behind their own failures.. seven deadly sins is a beautiful effort by you to show us the things that truly reflects the evil side of human life... thanks for sharing Ashira :)

Raj

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you so much Raj, I am glad you found connections with this series and enjoyed reading it. It was a lot of fun to write!

[anne]

I think boasting is wrong but pride is not....but its true excess of no thing is good and that is true in case of pride also......but this was so well composed piece....end was really good.. :))

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you for your words Anne. =)

[kublakhan27]

I'm actually a mythology buff and have written many myth-inspired poems in the past, but not in a while...I need to another one sometime soon...and I couldn't think of a better theme to drive home the point of this most common sin...they were a pretty proud bunch after all weren't they? ;) Again you've shown your knack for form and rhyme...the best kind of rhyme is the kind you don't even notice till you're near the end of the piece, and it took me that long to realize it when I first read it...it's just seamless...the way you turned the tables in the latter bits was powerful and clever...you really nailed it with this series my friend...you should do more myth-based work sometime, you seem to have a good knowledge of it...maybe I'll dig out a few of mine sometime but not now...I don't wanna burden you with too much of my work when you've already been so generous with your attention ;) Awesome work Ashira :)

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you so much for your kind review Steve, I really appreciate all you have to say! I didn't expect to throw so much mythology into this one, though I always intended to use Narcissus, but as the poem came out so did the references. I am glad it tickled your fancy. And please send me read requests for those works! Never think you are burdening me with your art my friend, they are always a pleasure to read.

[kublakhan27]

Always a pleasure my friend, your work always tickles my fancy and my imagination :) My RRs actually don't work (thank you WC) but I can send you some of the links :)

[Ashira Macy]

This site can be a bit finicky. But I look forward to reading them nonetheless. Thank you again!

[realmwriter]

Pride can be a good thing but too much of anything is bad. Pride can get in the way of all we do and pride causes us too leap before we look, act before we think, speak before we contemplate our words. We are foolish in that we think we are better than anyone else, as we listen to that kernel of pride parroting in our ear, it turns to vanity and seeds all that we do. Our mirror becomes our refuge because we must look the part and if we cannot look the part for those who stand to judge we hide away in some corner of pride. Very well done I think.

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you so much Realmwriter, you always give such wonderfully poetic responses. It is so true, it can be fine in moderation just like anything else, but it can also drag us down.

[realmwriter]

Indeed, if we let it, it can.

[little thoughts]

oh its come to an end. i loved reading this series. this was also very good. pride is a sin and almost every one of us show pride but we are unknown of the fact that one day it will cause us harm. well done girl !

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you Lioness, I am so happy you enjoyed the series.

[Bill O. Writes]

Wonderfully written. Loved the Troy reference!

[Ashira Macy]

Thanks Willy, glad it tickled your fancy!

[Lyn Anderson]

I think this does a fabulous job of portraying Pride as the worst of the sins. Wonderful imagery that drives the point home.

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you for your words KL, I am happy you liked it.

[John Preston]

it always takes two to tango in Paris
After nine years the walls fell
Such a bloody war in the Iliad
Why always blame the woman ?
Do we not take Pride in our work
Pride in our home
Pride in our selves
Pride in how we teach others.
A sin a day to keep the Doctor away........

Well it's nice to see you have finished
Just to point out that Narcissus died because of this beauty-he was vain.
This is a very good Poem enjoyed read.

[Ashira Macy]

That is true, but because of how proud he was I doubt he saw it that way. Nemesis lured him to the pool in which he saw his reflection and would not leave. In the underworld I imagine his vain self to be blaming others for their jealousy. That is why Pride in this is sympathetic of him. Thank you for your review, I am glad you enjoyed it!

[Sami Khalil]

A very creative and powerful series on the seven deadly sins. Pride(ego based vs God's appreciation based) before the fall is the ultimate consequence of the prideful and boastful when their egos are bloated.

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you so much Sami, I am happy you liked the series!

[Sami Khalil]

Yep. You are welcome...:)................................

[Coyote Poetry]

Pride is the hard one. Easy to believe we are better than another person. Pride leave to loneliness. When no-one is your equal. No-one is your friend. I liked your description of Pride. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you so much Coyote, you are very right!